|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- OSOAWEEK--ISSUE 027--1/26/95 <-------  ||  OsoaWeek  ||  Issues  ||  Book 3  ||  -------> (Cup OWis027, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = [[BEGIN027OW]] [[01027CV]] * * * O S O A W E E K 0 2 7 * * * January 26, 1995 "The weekly ezine of Obliviana Super Occult Amusement!" by Frank Edward Nora INSIDE THIS ISSUE! * Enter the Third Book of OsoaWeek! With Caution! * The Great Commercials of Super Bowl 29 * The Incredible Collapse of Star Trek Voyager * The Evil of Claude Monet * Pet Resin * Declarations of Obliviana * Song of the Week * What's with Sirius? * Blue Star Shopping Center * Strip Lapmall * Dashic * Beth Ann, Looping, Topday, Braid Magic, and Dorian * Beublin A. Richardson--Episode 1 * Severe Repair Almanac * Weaver * And a whole lot more! * YOU GOTTA DOWNLOAD THIS THING! (Permission is granted to make complete, verbatim, digital ASCII copies of this copyrighted ezine for the purpose of free distribution. All other forms of reproduction require written permission from Frank Edward Nora.) OsoaWeek is published weekly by Obliviana Super Occult Amusement, and originates from New Jersey, USA. Copyright 1995 Frank Edward Nora . All contents by Frank Edward Nora unless otherwise noted.Phone: 1-800 OBLIVIANA E-mail: obliviana@aol.com Mail: Osoa, P.O. Box 60, Iselin, NJ 08830-0060 Character count: 64738 / Line count: 1766 The Table of Contents is at the very end of this file. For the mail order Catalog of Obliviana, send an e-mail request to obliviana@aol.com. *OW* [[02027HR]] Hemisinister Review ***TV*** SUPER BOWL 29 Football is the only major sport I can actually get into watching, and this was a good game, even though San Diego was beaten by a score of 26 to 49. Pretty cool that the 49'ers got 49 points. One interesting thing was that the very last play of the game, where Stan Humphries of the Chargers threw into the end zone, would have beaten the point spread of 20 points--something which affected betters all over the country! But he overthrew and the game was over. There were a lot of Super Bowl records broken. The quickest touchdown, most TD passes by the QB (SF's Young at 6), the first 2-point conversion (SD's last score), total combined score (75), and a lot more. Kathy Lee's (or is it "Kathie Lee"?) rendition of the National Anthem was okay, but she was obviously lip synching. The halftime show was god awful, really painful to watch. It was an Indiana Jones show, with Tony Bennet, Patti LaBelle, and some foreign trumpet player. It employed element's of Disney's Indiana Jones stunt show (at their Orlando Disney/MGM Studios), but it sucked. There was a commercial for a new Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland in Anaheim which looked pretty good. It's always tough to go to the bathroom during the Super Bowl, for fear of missing a great new commercial. Pepsi had a few good ones from their new "There's Nothing Else Like a Pepsi" (or something like that) campaign, complete with a new spheroid logo. One was a kid who sucked himself into a bottle, another was a Pepsi and a Coke delivery man who tried to make peace but wound up in a fight, and the best one was a scene of a building in the desert with a bizarre noise--which was ultimately revealed to be a guy repeatedly trying to get a Pepsi machine to accept a dollar bill. Budweiser had a good one with three frogs, each croaking a single syllable of "Bud-weis-er". Nike's Dennis Hopper spot was pointless. There was only one Bud Bowl spot, thankfully, where overused character "Iggy" teleports into the game. Another one--maybe for Bud Light--had ugly dogs at a dog show--this may be the big winner of the night--they're very appealing characters. Mario Cuomo and Ann Richards made fools of themselves promoting Doritos--but not as big fools as they made of themselves while they were in office. Taco Bell rehashed "Close Encounters" in a pointless "Border Lights" promotion, which I assume is a new line of low-cal burritos or something. An ad for some brand of jeans had a girl jumping up and down, shaking a whole building, in which there was also a bed store, wherein an old lady was on a bed, being shaken up and down, a la having sex. At the end of the commercial she said "I'll take it." Eh. Then there was the "Pretzel Boy" skydiving ad, where they tricked you into thinking that Seinfeld pudgy guy actually parachuted into the Super Bowl. Duh. Wilson has an interesting David and Goliath type ad, where the rock used to kill Goliath has a Wilson logo on it. The Jerry Seinfeld American Express ad was well done, but grating. All in all, an okay assortment of ads. At a million bucks a shot, I'd hope they'd be. So that's it--San Francisco with a mammoth victory. Steve Young is apparently the great-grandson of Mormon founding father Brigham Young--weird. Guess he won't be doing any spots for Maxwell House or Taster's Choice. Now on to the reincarnation of the World League! I can hardly wait! ***STAR TREK VOYAGER--2ND & 3RD EPISODES*** For goodness sake, what the hell is happening to this show? The 2-hour pilot was very good, but the 2nd and 3rd episodes have been lame! They've both been based on essentially the same hackneyed time travel theme. See, each time, they're drawn into some sort of crisis, only to later discover that it was their future actions projected into the past which caused the problem in the first. Each also featured ruptures/fissures in the fabric of space which they had to widen in order to break their way through. Beyond this unbelievable similarity, the past two episodes have failed in a number of ways. One thing that really bugged me from the pilot was how all these aliens who never had any contact with The Federation could possibly speak English. Universal translators are the answer of course--but wouldn't they have to adapt to these alien languages to some extent? I mean, the first syllables uttered by these aliens can be translated? But no--there's no reference to translators of any sort. Also, there isn't that sort of "Lost in Space" feel to the show. The cultures they've encountered so far have been bland and familiar. I guess those sphere guys from "Space Seed" really got around. In the 2nd episode, the worst moment came when Janeway and Torres giggle like schoolgirls talking about hypersonic particles or something. Really bad. I read in Entertainment Weekly that Kes was supposed to be only one year old, but no mention of this has been made on the show as of yet. Also, Kes does not seem like an innocent--she seems far too mature and wise for a one year old. Her lover Neelix (are they lovers?) is floundering as a character--he just seems to be the token f*cked-up looking alien. Tuvok the black Vulcan lacks the things that made Spock and Data so appealing--their inner conflicts and reluctant senses of humor. Tuvok seems to be a well-adjusted, dull, computerlike Vulcan--not very interesting. All in all, it seems like the writing and production direction on this show is beginning to fall apart. Wouldn't it be funny if Trekkies started saying "I wish Voyager could be as good as Deep Space Nine"? *OW* [[03027HT]] Halfevil Times ***HALFEVIL TIMES PERCEPTIONS & PONDERINGS*** EVER WONDER... ...why those pine tree car air fresheners say you should slowly pull the bag off the tree over the course of, like, eight weeks? Are they trying to imply that the scent is so strong you'd be overpowered if you took the bag off right away? ...why figure skaters choose musical scores that were popular when your great-great-grandparents were kids? ...why the hell they put nutrition labels on bottled spring water, considering it's straight zeroes all the way down? ...how you always manage to miss the fact that there's no toilet paper left in a public restroom stall? Shouldn't checking for it be your highest priority? EVER NOTICE... ...how on signs, the words "NORTH" and "SOUTH" look almost identical from a distance, totally preventing you from getting into the proper lane? ...that after a big snow storm, you can always tell which cars are never used and/or have been abandoned 'cause they're covered with snow until spring? ...how great it used to be with cassettes, as opposed to CD's, where you could turn your stereo off and then return to the exact spot where you left off? ...that 1995 has been a heap of trouble so far? ...that whenever you watch figure skating you keeping hoping they'll fall? ...that they're really, really starting to overuse those Warner Brother cartoon characters? ...how pretty lesbians are never considered homosexual? ...how comic book artists are totally inept at drawing babies and small children? ...how when you're at a fast food restaurant, you always take way too many napkins? *OW* [[04027ZP]] Zope "Pretend Zope" FOMBAT It's fun to pretend! Like right now, I'm pretending to be Laser Lord, one of my superheroes! Zoom, zap! ZOPE I like to pretend, too. Right now, I think I'm Claude Monet--not the regular one, though--I'm a Claude Monet who beats people senseless with a tire iron. ZOPE beats the heck out of FOMBAT with a tire iron. *OW* [[05027CZ]] Classic Zope "Zope's Resin Conundrum" 1/17/93 MASTER JOE What the hell is that pile of crap in your front yard, Zope? ZOPE Eh? Soon... MASTER JOE and ZOPE are outside, by a shiny mound of some sort of material. ZOPE Sh*t! It's a big hunk of resin! It's the work of Ed Ape! But I'll show him! Later! ED APE looks upset as he watches TV. NEWS ANCHOR ON TV ...and sales of Zope's "Pet Resin" have just topped the $3 million mark! *OW* [[06027LA]] Lord of Obliviana Ah! There you are--glad you could make it! Welcome to the beginning of Book Three of OsoaWeek. What's that? You were expecting to find the "Third Quarter" here? Well fear not--all that's happened here is a little change in terminology. "Quarter" becomes "Book". It's that simple. Yeah, I was really starting to hate the way "Quarter" was sounding--that's why I made the change. So here we are--six months into OsoaWeek, and the adventure is just beginning... You see, OsoaWeek has only been in two places online--deeply buried on America Online in "Ezines/Humor/Other Humor"--and on a local BBS (with Internet access) called "The Familiar Spirit". The thing is, OsoaWeek has been sitting passively amid a wasteland of terrible files. And I haven't put any effort into promoting OsoaWeek. So it's no wonder that OsoaWeek has a small readership right now! But I reckon I can fix this problem, with a whole new direction, called "Obliviana Primal"! What's that? You thought there already WAS an Obliviana Primal? Well, there was--as described in OsoaWeek001--and this new one is just a massive overhaul of the original. Read on and find out more! Basically, I need to take a more active direction in the distribution of Obliviana. The problem is that the technology and infrastructure just aren't in place yet to allow ordinary people to access huge files and interfaces. That is, a fully interactive service based in a 3-D environment with real-time video, sound, etc. is not feasible right now--especially with a budget hovering ever so slightly above zero dollars. So what's the solution? E-mail. Of all Internet/Online Service features, e-mail is the most ubiquitous and the easiest to use. Everyone on the Internet has it, and so do subscribers to America Online, Compuserve, Eworld, GEnie, Prodigy, and a host of others. It's the one online thing, at this moment, which is cheap and easy enough for anyone to use. Now, this new direction I'm talking about isn't going to launch until OsoaWeek040, April 27, 1995. But that's just around the corner, you know! You may be thinking that what I'm proposing is simply to e-mail OsoaWeek to people, on request, rather than making them search for it. But there are a few problems with this idea. One is that OsoaWeek, at 50K to 100K per issue, is too big to fit in a single e-mail message. Another problem is that there are a zillion other mailing lists out there, e-mailing folks stuff regularly on a dizzying variety of topics. So again, I'd just be a face in the crowd. No, what I propose is very different, and possibly unique. And you, dear reader, have the chance to get in on it before everyone else! Read on and you'll get the whole picture. Um, in this case, by "read on", I mean read on into the next issue--I gotta get this one finished--before the OsoaWeek Weekend is over! Get All Obliviana! *OW* [[07027NH]] Nihilistica ***DECLARATIONS OF OBLIVIANA*** DECLARATION OF OBLIVIANA I April 21, 1994 You know there's something else going on in this world, but you can't quite pin it down. And you know there's something else going on with YOU. But it ever eludes you, and teases you, these glimpses of otherness. Mankind had much in the Early Days which we have since forgotten. Gone are all sorts of cool and amazing secrets from Times Primal. Stuff absent a long time, and consigned to Oblivion. But yet we still have these glimpses of glorious matters of the First. Collectively, these things are known as Obliviana, and the time has come to remember. I am Frank Edward Nora and Obliviana Super Occult Amusement is my company. This age is unexpected, where with computers and outer space and physics and chemistry and TV and videogames and newsstands full of magazines and pain and triumph and cold moist earth we move beyond our original bonds. We are no longer the unruly lost children of the gods, but something new, something remarkable. And in this magnificent time, let us not continue to grind ourselves raw on the runway, but rather, let us lift off. It is with our true heritage, with Obliviana, that we can take our new invented world and our original Primal Identities to make something very new, wild, and now. DECLARATION OF OBLIVIANA II May 10, 1994 I, Frank Edward Nora, declare the daybreak of Obliviana, myself as Lord of Obliviana, the company as Obliviana Super Occult Amusement, and the virtual realm as Obliviana Primal. The Digital Superworld is upon us, and with it, the realm of human endeavor is so dramatically changed that a new way of life is called for. Obliviana is the pioneer in establishing a new lifestyle. Visual identity is vital in the Digital Superworld. Everything in life needs a sign by which it can be instantaneously identified. In Obliviana, these signs are known as Codingseeds, and everything needs one, from the individual to broad areas of subject matter to places to services and beyond. And a whole new graphic world is called for, in which Codingseeds can reside. Digitization allows all written, graphic, audio, video, and interactive material to be made instantly available to all. High technology will allow hobbyists to produce material rivaling professionals. With the combination of old material newly digitized and all the new material, there is now, and will certainly be, more material than you could consume in your whole lifetime. Obliviana makes sense of this cacophony and presents a clear picture of it for you. Obliviana Primal sets the tone and is an example for how things should be in the Digital Superworld. All manner of new, innovative, entertaining and informative products are produced here. This virtual realm can be looked to for inspiration, always! The artifact shall return, for as all is digitized, the value of the artifact will be suddenly apparent. A book has heft, has a tactile nature, has a feel. And no matter how good virtual reality gets, it will never be real. Obliviana puts a special emphasis on the artifact, in games, literature, music, etc. that cannot be digitized and must be physical. The world will not end at or around the year 2000; it will go on for untold millennia. And now we are soon to be at a time where massive works can be cheaply stored forevermore. We of today have an audience of trillions of future people for which to prepare our massive works. This endeavor--to create a massive work for those in the future--is known as Fonosta, and we are the first to be able to do this! Your works in a wide variety of media and subject matter will be cataloged and available to the entire future population! And of course, portions of your Fonosta will be of interest to those of today! There is a Primal and long-forgotten aspect to this world, and through the art of Dashic it can be discovered. Dashicians trailblaze portions of reality only recently remembered to exist. These are true physical wandering, not of the mental or spiritual sort. And the key to Dashic is the number 209. Not magic--Dashic! The new terms Revolver, Xappenset, and Xappen aid immeasurably in the codification of the Digital Superworld. A Revolver is an overall area of material, a Xappen is a specific production based in the Revolver, and a Xappenset is a set of Xappens all based on the same format. All this established here in New Jersey, the center of things, May 10, 1994, after the eclipse. Zope is the best! COMMENTARY Both of these Declarations appeared in my short-lived and never fully-produced publication, "Get All Obliviana". It was my last physical publication before I started OsoaWeek, a few months later. The interesting this was that when I published the second Declaration in issue 3, I forgot that the other Declaration was also in present--printed in the margins. So after I finished issue 3, I realized that I had both Declarations there. But if you look at them, these two Declarations complement, rather than contradict, each other. The question is--how relevant are these documents to the Obliviana of today? I have to say that these Declaration are still fully relevant. It's funny--I've been using all sorts of different working names for my virtual realm, but only a few days ago did I return to "Obliviana Primal"--the name used in Dec II. One part of Dec II that I've been struggling with is the term "Dashic". Now this might sound highly weird, but as soon as I came up with the word, it resonated with massive power. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable reading, writing, or saying it. In fact, Dec II in Get All Obliviana Packet 3, was the first place I ever used the word--the only other time (before now) was in OsoaWeek001--take a look... FLOWER 5: Dandelion Lost 209. Strange, night, clocks, chess, and mirrors. Weirdness engines, nothingness, holes, and shadows. Candles, incense, and smoke. Dashic, Friction Enhancer, and Wield of Transit. Swift, speeding along, and coffee. Wandering, getting lost. (blue family--crescent) Just an obscure reference, see? So now I am faced with the decision of whether or not to use the word "Dashic". It would take the place of the feature name "209". I really like the word, because of it's possibly implied meaning--something like a form of magic where you dash from place to place or something. I think it's the right word, but is its massive power good or bad for me? I don't know, but right now I'm leaning toward using it. Dashic began way back in November of 1986, when I went on a random journey with a friend of mine, Bryan, and established what I then called "Zoning". I remember later telling him that I didn't like the term "Zoning" and sought to change it. He said that once a term like that is established, it's almost impossible to change. He cited the word "hypnotism" or something as having a similar circumstance--the guy who created the word wanted to change it, but it had already become established. (Funny--Bryan went on to become a professional hypnotist). Anyway, "Zoning" stuck, pretty much up to the present. But it looks like "Zoning" is going to be supplanted as a word--by "Dashic". Okay--so I hope this is the right choice--I hereby declare that the feature "209" will now be known as "Dashic". Will I make a Dec III? Right now I don't think so, but it's possible--especially for the launch of Obliviana Primal in April! ***STATS FOR BOOKS ONE & TWO*** Here they are--the vital statistics for both the first and second Book of OsoaWeek. Book One (001 thru 013), Book Two (014 thru 026). Check it out! *CHARACTERS* BOOK ONE Total: 901690 Highest single issue: 99382 (001) Lowest single issue: 55828 (013) Average per issue: 69361 BOOK TWO Total: 808973 Highest single issue: 84266 (016) Lowest single issue: 52117 (020) Average per issue: 62229 CUMULATIVE Total: 1710663 Highest single issue: 99382 (001) Lowest single issue: 52117 (020) Average per issue: 65795 *LINES* BOOK ONE Total: 24550 Highest single issue: 2863 (001) Lowest single issue: 1366 (013) Average per issue: 1888 BOOK TWO Total: 23526 Highest single issue: 2708 (016) Lowest single issue: 1390 (018) Average per issue: 1810 CUMULATIVE Total: 48076 Highest single issue: 2863 (001) Lowest single issue: 1366 (013) Average per issue: 1849 *WORDS* BOOK ONE Total: 151774 Highest single issue: 16589 (001) Lowest single issue: 9308 (009) Average per issue: 11675 BOOK TWO Total: 137258 Highest single issue: 14231 (016) Lowest single issue: 8860 (020) Average per issue: 10558 CUMULATIVE Total: 289032 Highest single issue: 16589 (001) Lowest single issue: 8860 (020) Average per issue: 11117 *LETTERS PER WORDS* BOOK ONE Highest single issue: 5.03838 (002) Lowest single issue: 4.80960 (010) Average: 4.94216 BOOK TWO Highest single issue: 5.19311 (021) Lowest single issue: 4.56422 (018) Average: 4.89520 CUMULATIVE Highest single issue: 5.19311 (021) Lowest single issue: 4.56422 (018) Average: 4.91868 ***SONG OF THE WEEK*** It seems that every week these days there's one song that I'm especially obsessed with. Some of the recent songs have been... Stone Temple Pilots--"Piece of Piece" (from the album "Core") Rush--"The Camera Eye" (from the album "Moving Pictures") Pixies--"Manta Ray" (from the "Monkey Gone To Heaven" CD single) And now, this week's song... Led Zeppelin--"Trampled Under Foot" (from the album "Physical Graffiti" (digitally remastered in the "Led Zeppelin Box Set")) ***THE FEATURES OF OSOAWEEK*** Well, here they are--all 36 OsoaWeek features, past and present. This should give you an overall idea of what's going on--and what has gone on--in OsoaWeek! AB--Antebellum (1)...restarts AD--Actuality Destructor (14, 16, 17)...stops AX--Appendix (1-13)...inactive CC--Classictronica (14)...stops CN--Contents (1-26)...continues CO--Catalog of Obliviana (1-26)...stops CV--Cover (14-26)...continues CZ--Classic Zope (new)...begins DC--Dashic (new)..continues from TN DH--Dehumidifier (14-26)...continues DY--Digital Superworld Youth (14, 15, 17)...stops EF--How to Establish Your Fonosta (1)...inactive EM--Your E-Mail is Gonna Come (1-4, 6)...inactive FA--Fonosta (14)...stops FE--Friction Enhancer (1-5, 12, 14, 16, 19)...continues FW--Fonosta World (2-5)...continued as FA HR--Hemisinister Review (1-26)...continues HT--Halfevil Times (1-26)...continues IB--Ibof (14)...stops IF--In the Flowers (1)...inactive LA--Lord of Obliviana (14-26)...continues from LO LO--Lord of Obliviana Revelry (1-13)...continued as LA MB--Assignment: Mystery Box (1, 4)...inactive MH--Masthead (1-13)...inactive NH--Nihilistica (1-26)...continues NJ--New Jersey (1-4, 14)...continues OL--Obliviana Primal...continues from TT OP--Obliviana Primal Beat (1, 4)...inactive SA--Severe Repair Almanac (new)...begins SO--The State of Osoa (1-13)...inactive SP--Sneak Preview (1-13)...inactive SR--Severe Repair (1-26)...continues SU--Superior (1-26)...continues TN--209 (14, 17)...continues as DC TT--Tourney Today (14)...continues as OL ZP--Zope (1-4, 14-26)...continues ***WHAT'S WITH SIRIUS?*** I don't know what the hell's going on here--but on several occasions, I've been looking at the star Sirius and it's been twinkling brightly and CHANGING COLOR! I swear, it definitely went from white to red and then green, and a bunch of other colors, too. The first time I saw this was on Christmas night '94, but I saw it again a week or so ago. So what's up? I guess scientists would say it was some sort of atmospheric condition. But I don't know. Maybe someone out there has some information? I mean, what, is Sirius about to go supernova? *OW* [[08027OL]] Obliviana Primal Ah yes--that amazing hyper casino of the Internet, that universe of amusement just waiting for you! It's coming in April--and the only place you're gonna get exclusive previews of it is right here, in the pages of OsoaWeek! *OW* [[09027NJ]] New Jersey ***BLUE STAR SHOPPING CENTER*** Rt. 22 West, Scotch Plains (or real near there) A massive, archetypal strip mall, enormous and majestic. A massive green hill rises behind the shopping center, giving it an amazing feel. Among the stores you'll find here are Caldor, Toys'R'Us, Shop Rite, The Blue Star Cinema (where I saw "Empire Strikes Back" on opening day, if I recall correctly), Baskin Robbins, and a whole lot more. The back of the Blue Star is am amazing place as well--with multilevel parking lots, weird twists and turns, and houses way up on the hill-- a great place for Strip Lapmall! (see below). Considering the wanderability of Caldor, Shop Rite, and Toys'R'Us, you could spend many hours here. And whattaya know--Bowcraft Amusement Park (home of the infamous Ferris wheel of death) is right down the street! *OW* [[10027FE]] Friction Enhancer ***Strip Lapmall*** No, this isn't a version of Lapmall (see OsoaWeek005) where you take your clothes off--it's just a minor variation, involving strip malls. Call them what you will, strip malls, shopping plazas, shopping centers, or whatever--these entities are far more plentiful than true malls--and offer and more Friction Enhancing challenge in many cases. The reason for this is that while the front of the strip mall is easy, the back is usually a weird, scary place--farther away from Corridor. In this variation, forget the deck of cards--just pick up a little pebble at some point in your lap, at each strip mall, putting each in a Ziploc-style bag. See how many you can collect in one calendar day, never repeating the same strip mall twice! As always, use common sense in Enhancing Friction. The backside of a shopping plaza COULD be dangerous in certain areas--and that sort of danger--the possibility of being attacked by a criminal--is not a part of Friction Enhancer at all. *OW* [[11027DC]] Dashic As is detailed above in Nihilistica, I went through a lot of mental haranguing before I finally decided to use the word "Dashic" in my work. I know this is one of the weirder things you'll hear about in OsoaWeek--but I feel that "Dashic" is a word of great power--I get a weird feeling every time I use it. But being that Dashic is the art of seeking alternate Earthly physical realities, it makes sense that it would be a word of great power. Dashic is a little scary, because it's no joke. I truly believe that through the art of Dashic, one can discover long-hidden places--alternate worlds--coexisting with us here and now. Not other dimensions or "multiple world" type quantum variations, but inaccessible places on the surface of the Earth. I realize that this sort of deep occult endeavor is somewhat at odds with the irreverent fun of most of Obliviana--so if it disturbs you, just ignore it. If the idea of discovering hidden worlds--for real--intrigues you, then keep up with the ever-growing art of Dashic! *OW* [[12027AB]] Antebellum BETH ANN Profiles: Archer/Royal County: Atlantic Sex: Female Description: Beth Ann is a master with both her sword and her bow. Spunky and self-confident, this princess considers Antebellum a marvelous challenge--she knows she's more than a match for any of the other Bellums! LOOPING Profiles: Bastard/Tangle County: Atlantic Sex: Male Description: A mean, resourceful fellow with rolled-up lengths of rope all over his body, and a huge baseball bat. He loves to tangle up his victims and beat them senseless. TOPDAY Profiles: Ruminant/Techno County: Atlantic Sex: Female Description: An anthropomorphic deer with high-tech battle armor, Topday faces the challenge of Antebellum with cool optimism. A romantic at heart, but she hardly ever lets others see her soft side. BRAID MAGIC Profiles: Presto/Tangle County: Bergen Sex: Female Description: Braid Magic is a clever sorcerer with two unbelievably long braids! Her hair can tangle folks up while she casts one of her many spells on them. Mischievous and cruel at times, but she really has a kind heart. DORIAN Profiles: Fright/Royal County: Bergen Sex: Male Description: Transformed through evil magic, Duke Dorian is a dark, malevolent creature who wields a jet black sword surrounded with eerie green fire. His original personality is still in there somewhere, but it's hard to see through the horror of his current state. *OW* [[13027SU]] Superior SUPERIOR 157 Cough drops are smooth, the power to go on. You're a girl and your cousin is a girl. I am night time, amber light, amber night. Let it all go. Cool in the darkness. You fool. SUPERIOR 158 Fun from being in the day, the coolness of magazines and games when you're a child, restless in the supermarket, thoughts remain into your dark and perverted teens, revault hum adulthood, settle into the jigsaw life-remover, but rejoice as you go back to game in the Third M. SUPERIOR 159 Ring down was a walk down the street, once-a-year kind of light conditions, magic days, sought long after, tennis courts, fantasy. Nothing like lotion, atmosphere thick with magic, talking about girls, talking about monsters. Love with more. Paradise with guns and wargames. SUPERIOR 160 Ah yeah that's a good way to go now there. It's a street, see? Fire and ice cream, beer and gasoline. Luck. Soda water for you, findout, raise the saliva flag. Tread powerful through grassy nowheres, Amanda, sharp like an osprey. Creation and the while, I am with you. Like before. *OW* [[14027DH]] Dehumidifier ***BEUBLIN A. RICHARDSON*** Episode 1 by Frank Edward Nora Dialogue Improvised by the actors, with direction from Frank Edward Nora Peter Litkey as BEUBLIN A. RICHARDSON John Nora as ANTHONY NEURO EXT.--HOUSE--DAY ANTHONY NEURO walks around a corner, carrying a bag. He approaches a patio table where BEUBLIN A. RICHARDSON sits. ANTHONY Beublin! BEUBLIN Yeah? How ya doin'. ANTHONY shakes BEUBLIN'S hand, and places the bag on the table. ANTHONY Okay. How ya doin' today? BEUBLIN Pretty good. ANTHONY sits. ANTHONY I'm really, really excited about this... BEUBLIN Ah! I see! This is gonna be a great creative session because you brought by thinking foods! ANTHONY Yup, um--I have a lot of, uh, strong ideas for the--I'm, y'know--you know how much I love Melter Pluto, and I'm really anxious, y'know, to meet Minion and the whole, the whole band, and I have a lot of uh, solid ideas and the, y'know-- BEUBLIN nods his head, looking annoyed and impatient. ANTHONY (cont.) --I just really want to be in on this new album and the first video, I mean I have a strong idea, I think I, y'know, I'm in tune with your vision, when you created, when you created the whole concept of the band. BEUBLIN Mmm-hmm. Ah, what about the food? ANTHONY Okay, um... BEUBLIN Did you get the right stuff? ANTHONY fiddles with the bag, trying to get the stuff out. ANTHONY Well uh, all they had, y'know, orange? You said something about orange? Well they had... BEUBLIN Orangina and Cheyenne cookies. ANTHONY removes a bottle from the bag. ANTHONY They had the uh, the Snapple Orangeade. BEUBLIN (disappointed) Ehh... Alright. It'll be alright. ANTHONY takes a package of cookies out of the bag. BEUBLIN Ah, excuse me. ANTHONY Yes? BEUBLIN Those aren't Cheyenne cookies. That's not my right thinking food. What the hell is that? ANTHONY Beublin, I mean uh, y'know come on, I uh, y'know, this is, y'know, I... BEUBLIN Why did you... ANTHONY I was in a rush to get here and everything. BEUBLIN But you know how picky I am with my thinking foods! Alright, alright, fine. I'll deal with it. Let me try this. BEUBLIN takes the bottle, and has trouble opening it. BEUBLIN (cont.) Stupid bottle! BEUBLIN manages to remove the cap. He drink a mouthful, but then immediately spits it out. BEUBLIN (cont.) Uh! I can't drink this sh*t! This is f*cking awful! Uh! Disgusting! Let me try these cookies. Let's see about these. What the hell? "Becky Kays"? Where the hell do you get that sh*t? Let me try it out, see if I like it. BEUBLIN examines the package of cookies, and opens it up. ANTHONY I just, y'know, wanted to come over just to talk about the sorta concepts... BEUBLIN grabs a handful of cookies and starts to crush them in his hands, letting the crumbs fall to the ground. BEUBLIN (hysterical) MARY KAYS? HUH? YOU GOT MARY KAY COOKIES? AND I WANTED CHEYENNE? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? THESE ARE NOT THE RIGHT THINKING FOODS! IF YOU WANT TO DIRECT THAT HIGHWAY VIDEO, YOU BETTER GET ME THE RIGHT THINKING FOODS! Cut to ANTHONY standing, holding the bottle of Snapple Orangeade. ANTHONY You want me to dump it out? BEUBLIN Yeah. Dump it all out. ANTHONY walks out onto the lawn. ANTHONY Just dump it, dump it out on the lawn? BEUBLIN Yeah dump it! On the lawn! ANTHONY slowly pours the orangeade onto the lawn. BEUBLIN is crushing the remaining cookies in the package, in a motion almost like kneading dough. BEUBLIN Honestly Anthony, if you want to direct this Highway single video, you better get me the right thinking foods next time, and I MEAN IT! Cut to BEUBLIN with a dark, brooding look on his face. Cut to ANTHONY dialing a cellular phone and walking away from the table where Beublin is sitting. ANTHONY (under his breath) For godsake... Cut to ANTHONY walking around the same corner again, with a new bag this time. He approaches BEUBLIN. ANTHONY Okay, I got it. ANTHONY places the bag on the tables, and then takes of a six-pack of small bottles of Orangina. BEUBLIN, with a wild grin on his face, grabs one of the bottles and tries to open it, without any success. BEUBLIN Help me. BEUBLIN hands the bottle to ANTHONY (still standing), who takes it and opens it easily. He then hands it back to BEUBLIN, who stares at ANTHONY with a deranged expression as he puts the bottle to his lips and takes a swig. He then smiles in a weird, bizarre fashion. Cut to ANTHONY looking down at BEUBLIN in bewilderment. *OW* [[15027SA]] Severe Repair Almanac Severe Repair is an ongoing story I'm writing, a new chapter of which is published in every issue of OsoaWeek. And now, Books One and Two of Severe Repair are complete. If this work was published as a paperback, it would be 372 pages long! That's easily long enough to be considered a novel. What am I, a novelist? You know what? Maybe I am! Anyway, as Severe Repair continues to grow, I feel that it's necessary to start creating a reference for it, complete with outlines of every chapter, and descriptions of all the characters, artifacts, places, powers, etc. in the story. This is what Severe Repair Almanac is all about. For Book Three of OsoaWeek, each Severe Repair Almanac will feature a synopsis of two chapters of Severe Repair--along with reference entries of stuff in those two chapters. So by the end of OsoaWeek's third Book, there'll be a complete reference of Books One & Two of Severe Repair. After that, Severe Repair Almanac will being presenting a single chapter per issue. But first, let me present to you an overall view of Severe Repair (again, the page counts are based on a hypothetical paperback version of Severe Repair)... SEVERE REPAIR BOOK ONE Chapter 1--"Bastard Dumb Luck Calling"--14 pages Chapter 2--"Map Shirt Goddess"--11 pages Chapter 3--"Goodbye Popcorn"--21 pages Chapter 4--"Awake Fluffy Netherf*ck"--16 pages Chapter 5--"Bicentennial Cane"--16 pages Chapter 6--"You're a Good Man for Crying on the Job"--18 pages Chapter 7--"Yellowhaus"--14 pages Chapter 8--"Cup's Club"--18 pages Chapter 9--"Pattern Integrity"--13 pages Chapter 10--"Toggle Joseph"--14 pages Chapter 11--"Fabric Reactor"--18 pages Chapter 12--"80-A Clarity"--13 pages Chapter 13--"Dolthethmen"--14 pages 200 Total Pages SEVERE REPAIR BOOK TWO Chapter 14--"It's Millicent!"--11 pages Chapter 15--"Office Complex of Gumhanshire"--14 pages Chapter 16--"Hypergod Amnifaoz"--16 pages Chapter 17--"Irregular Shirt"--12 pages Chapter 18--"Reality Pickup Truck: Tom Neadows"--12 pages Chapter 19--"Went Nowhere"--11 pages Chapter 20--"Thing Ping"--17 pages Chapter 21--"Peculiar Lather"--11 pages Chapter 22--"Giant Police Car"--13 pages Chapter 23--"Daptin's Land"--13 pages Chapter 24--"Insurance"--16 pages Chapter 25--"Dog and Rabbit"--12 pages Chapter 26--"The Aleche Degrasion"--14 pages 172 Total Pages And that's 372 pages in total, for both Books. It'd make a pretty thick paperback, eh? Well--I don't think I'll be publishing it in that form anytime soon--but it is a useful way to visualize what I've produced so far. It's interesting to note that a good portion of Severe Repair has never been printed out IN ANY FORM. No hard copy of any sort for much of it. Pretty digital, eh? ***SYNOPSIS OF SEVERE REPAIR CHAPTER 1*** "Bastard Dumb Luck Calling" Daptin gone, sitting in his room at the Supbam Hotel in Agoopish, recalls his meeting with a little fellow named Fox in a wonderful, vibrant place. Fox begins to explain how hard it was for him to find Daptin, and how there's not much time left. But before Daptin could make much sense of what Fox was saying, he found himself back in a hospital bed, suffering from a debilitating terminal illness called Hizzings Disease. As a nurse examines hi, Daptin utters a phrase he saw on a chalkboard near Fox--"Here is Canyon." When he says this, he is instantly transported to a room in the wall of Canyon, healthy again. Soon he encounters The Tracy Taciturn, a bright, cheerful lass, with whom he flies up and down Canyon. When the two return to the room, they encounter the ancient Deskerhilm, who immediately backs away with a look of horror on his face, and "like a video camera falling off a table, the world collapsed." Back in his hotel room, Daptin stopped his musing and prepared to make an important phone call. * * * On the 5th floor of Spoin Hall, a dorm at Thatterine College, a group of students gather to watch videos of the cult TV show "Johnny Pitch". * * * Tavmatey Numblem returns from an amazing day of freedom and sexual energy, depressed to find herself alone back at her apartment. She muses on various issues, and finally the phone rings--it's her friend Sleap Drassy who tells her "Hi. I have the coffee." ***SYNOPSIS OF SEVERE REPAIR CHAPTER 2*** "Map Shirt Goddess" On the 5th floor of Spoin Hall at Thatterine College, Tanner Loblolly listens to an album by the band "Melter Pluto" as it rained heavily outside. Up until a month earlier, Tanner had been Payjaych--God of Cats and Attributes Feline. Now he was banished, imprisoned on Earth as a human college student. Then a memory came to him, and he realized it didn't fit in with his past. He was at the Supbam Hotel in Agoopish--a place where gods lived, but gods totally different and unfamiliar to him. He was angry that a red-haired goddess had broken a date with him, and he was talking to the hotel managers about it. Then he recalled being stranded at a service station with two friends of his--Minion Van Hall and Martin Fovea--who in his current reality were members of Melter Pluto! He continued to recall how they followed some train tracks entered the alternate world of Agoopish for the first time. He met Janine in a movie theater there, and that's when she made the date with him. At that point, he remembered what happened in the lobby--he had summoned Janine and asked her why she broke the date--she just pointed behind him and said "Ask her." Tanner turned and saw Fluffy Netherf*ck--who was even more attractive than Janine. Back in his dorm room, Tanner began to feel very tired and confused. He got a phone call and it was El Flactor Floor, a goddess from Agoopish, asking him if he was going there with her later. And his past as Payjaych began to fade away. *OW* [[16027SR]] Severe Repair SEVERE REPAIR 27: "Weaver" Today I began to resist Red Archer Booze's advances. In the past three or four days, Booze has insinuated herself into my relationship with Treyess--she made it clear that she wanted to be part of it--and she did become part of it. But I could tell, even from the beginning, that she liked Treyess better. So now I guess I'm doing it--I'm letting her have Treyess. What the hell has become of my life? Ever since we crashed here, I've begun to question my life from before. Could I really have been a Prince? Could I really have travelled to all those wonderful alien Earths, had all those adventures? I don't know. I guess at some level I know that all of it IS true--maybe I'm just grasping for a way to deal with the loss of it. Red Archer Booze is a dangerous being. She was imprisoned inside Treyess' cloak by a demigod thousands of years ago--only to be released when the cloak was totally removed from its own reality. I guess the curse that kept her there no longer made any sense. She is pure indulgence. She loves her bottle of intoxicating, delightful drink, and she loves sex. I have to admit I was drawn into it, but somehow I've managed to begin to break free. My feeling are so confused. Do I love Booze? Do I love Treyess? Yes and no to both. I think this Booze person has been manipulating my emotions. But I still have these feelings, however they were created. But my rational mind tells me to beware. And it also told me to take advantage of Booze's apparent preference of Treyess for company. That is, let her be preoccupied with Treyess while I try to come up with some way out of this mess. Does that make Treyess the sacrificial lamb? Maybe it does, but I don't care. I just walk naked around the island, totally free from burdens. I eat and drink fresh water and delicious, satisfying fruit. I breathe the wonderful air here. I just am. I am free from everything, and especially from Red Archer Booze. It's funny. She had such a look in her eyes when I was able to resist her bottle. It was a look of supreme unbelief, but beneath it, barely detectable, was a look of respect. "Very well then, Prince." she had said, emphasizing the last word. "Perhaps another time." "Perhaps." I had said. "But perhaps not." When I said this, Red Archer Booze smiled, but said nothing as she left. Clearly, I had won. So now I'm sitting up here on the rocks, watching Treyess and Booze frolick in the surf. It's like they don't care--don't care that we're lost in an unknown place. They just care about their fun. I don't know. I think I'm getting bored with things. I would have liked to have more life experience to mull over in this situation. As it is, I'm just getting restless. I think of my family--maybe out there somewhere, maybe not. The Royal Family. They made me so mad. They said that all young Royals rebel against their status, but eventually come around. I hated that because it rang true; it reduced my heartfelt rebellion to just a childish phase. Their conventions were like that ocean liner being towed down the river--huge and unstoppable, but hurtling forth ever closer to its ultimate demise. Yeah--they thought it was a phase. Guess I showed them it was more than that with my disappearance. Guess I showed them I was serious. Big deal. So maybe this is depression. I do feel kind of dead, kind of unmoved by the world around me. But as long as it can keep me away from Booze and her bottle, I'll embrace it. Booze is so into fun--but how much fun can you have on a deserted island? I guess sex is the most obvious answer. Maybe talking to each other, debating mammoth issues of philosophy and religion, maybe that would be better. But Booze isn't on that wavelength, and Treyess isn't really either. Okay. So I'm staring out over this alien ocean. My girlfriend (is she my girlfriend anymore?) laughing and splashing as Booze embraces and tickles her. There's a little breeze. And I do feel dead. The only thing holding me together is my royalty. Somewhere deep within me is the strength of heroes. Barely keeping me afloat. But I'm hanging on. I have to see something. I pick up a big, jagged rock and lift it over my head, as I place my other hand on the ground. I a swift motion, I bring the rock down and bash the hell out of my hand. The surge of emergency superstrength courses through me, and the rock feels like it's made of Styrofoam as it bounces harmlessly off of my hand. So I do have some superstrength left. The girls are far down the shore from the crater I made with my biplane. I have a sudden urge to dig into the wreckage--it's the only place that anything interesting could be hidden. And the book is there too. I should really start reading it soon--but on the other hand, it may be the only book I'll ever read for the rest of my life. So I jogged down the rocks toward the crater. I got away from the ugly scene of Treyess in the tight, monstrous grip of Booze. I ran, feeling light and powerful. And soon I got to the crater. A little bit of biplane wreckage was above the ground--the rest was buried in a dense claylike substance. If I summoned superstrength, the clay would feel like whipped cream to me, easy to dig into. I looked around--no one there, of course. The girls were safely occupied with each other, far away. "Super!" I yelled, and I felt the signature surge of power and lightness that meant I was in full superstrength mode. Quickly, I attacked the clay around the biplane, careful not to annihilate the plane itself. Clay was flying all over the place as I slowly revealed the twisted mess of what was left of the aircraft. I grabbed big parts of the plane and tossed them to the edge of the crater. I figured I could have all the wreckage arranged thusly before too long, but when I dug a little further, I grabbed a piece of wreckage which felt--different. This bit of wreckage didn't have that light, flimsy feeling the other parts did--it felt solid, heavy. I swept away the sharp pieces of metal wrapped around the thing, and then looked at it. Huh. Interesting. It looked something like a big radio, with the familiar black-and-white police markings the Warhome had had, along with the gold police logo. It had two handles on either side, and a big circular opening surrounded by grating, which looked a little like a speaker. Above the circle was an array of little meters, each with a little needle on an arc display. It was nearly identical to the device on the central shaft of the Warhome--only smaller. Could it have been the plane's power source? I turned the thing over a few times as I felt the superstrength wash away from me. Yes--if I was looking for anything, this was it. I scrambled back to the edge of the crater and put the thing down. If this device powered the plane with direct matter-to-energy conversion... I picked up a small piece of twisted metal and lowered it into the device's hole. As soon as the metal went inside, I heard a series of clicks. I kept lowering the metal, and I began to hear a deep hum. Before long, the metal was farther down into the device than seemed possible. As my hand neared the opening, I dropped the metal, and it disappeared into the opening. I glanced at the various displays, and I saw that a few were lit up, their needles moving up a little. The matter in that piece of metal? I grabbed a handful of rocks and dropped them into the hole. They disappeared, and yet more of the displays lit up and moved. I noticed that one of the displays was lit up in blue, rather than white. This one had a little picture of a Warhome above it. Huh. I fed some sand, a few tree branches, and a few more rocks into the thing. They all disappeared into that black opening. Some of the needles moved a perceptible distance , but the panel with the Warhome on it didn't react perceivably--or maybe it did, but just barely. So I had a new pastime--feeding matter into my--what should I call it? A "matter-to-energy thing"? Or maybe just a "matter thing". Whatever. In any case, I had to start doing something. The prancing of Treyess and Booze was really starting to get on my nerves. I mean, come on! Light, airy fun isn't exactly in synch with the state of being stranded. But what am I saying? I haven't even decided whether or not this is an island! It gets awfully rocky going along the shore either way--tough to climb naked. This lack of clothes is also starting to bother me. Not that I'm embarrassed by my physique, I mean, I've been intimate with the other two inhabitants of this place. It's just, I feel like it would be more difficult to face a challenge without clothes. Like an aggressive animal--or climbing the rocks, as I've already mentioned. Anyway, I took a walk inland and got to an area with a lot of large rocks and boulders. I figured I'd try and find a bunch of smaller rocks to feed into my matter-thing, but there weren't that many to be found. I was carrying the matter-thing in my right hand, passing a large rock formation, when I heard a little click from the device. Looking down, I saw that a little push-button was revealed on the top of the handle--just right for being pressed by my thumb. So I grabbed the other handle and held the thing in front of me, pointing away. Then I pushed the button. There was a brief flash of light and a smell like just before a rain shower in the air. In from of me, a large area of the rock formation was gone, gutted. I looked at the matter-thing, then back to the rock. God damn if the thing didn't suck in about a ton of the stuff! I smiled and nodded my head. I'd be getting A LOT of matter into this baby now. Too bad I didn't have a Warhome for it to power. But something had to happen when the needle read full, and I was dying to find out what. So I worked on the rock formation for awhile. It was almost like taking pictures with a camera. At times, I felt like a sculptor--I made some pretty cool shapes. Only this was, I knew I'd be sucked them up before too long. Then I pointed the thing downward and snapped. Yup--the sucker ate a big portion of ground. Awesome. Some of the needles were getting toward the 50% mark, others were hardly budging. If each needle represented a basic element, how was I ever gonna fill up the rare ones? I found out pretty soon. I had begun snapping up pine trees--only thing was, it gobbled the lower portion of the trunk, leaving the rest of it to collapse thunderously onto the ground. Almost got creamed a couple of times, I did. Anyway, as I was snapping up a fallen tree, the thing started to beep crazily. I looked at the thing and saw that the grating above the hole closed up, and the display turned a different color. It felt weird in my hands--it had already started to a while back, but now it was--you know what it's like to hold a gyroscope and try to move it around? It was like that. I felt a deep clanging from within thing, then another, and then another. As I watched, a few of the needles which were over 50% dropped, as others which had barely moved began to increase. Could it be? No. I mean--how could it? But there was no escaping the conclusion--the bastard was converting one element into another, at a fundamental level. From what I could tell, it may have even turned some lead into gold! Unreal. But then it hit me--if this thing was meant as a power source, what possible use could there be to changing one element into another? Then another thing hit me--I thought it was converting all the matter I was snapping up into energy--but now... From what I could tell, all that matter was still in there! Hundreds of tons of rock, there had to be! How could I still be holding this thing? It didn't weigh that much at all. But then I remembered my science lessons. Mass and weight are two separate things. Somehow, this thing was keeping it's weight constant, while massively increasing its mass. I felt a chill rush up my spine. Just what was I dealing with here? Okay--it was somehow building a huge stockpile of matter within itself--but how? It would have to be ultra compressed--but then I remembered another lesson--that most matter is made up of nothing but space. There was no other conclusion. It was building something, deep within its bowels, something that was hundreds of tons. And I was holding it in my hands. What could it be building? I looked at that display--the one with the picture of the Warhome on it. No. No. It couldn't be. No way. It couldn't be--could it? I took a deep breath, as the displays turned back to their normal colors, and the grating above its maw opened up again. The Warhome needle was now around 20%. Could I dare believe? Could I dare believe it was building a Warhome? I thought of my promise to Treyess, of how I'd find some way of keeping our Warhome, and making it our home. Huh. Looks like I'll be keeping that promise, only we'll have to share it with the devil incarnate, Red Archer Booze. It was at that moment that I really started to hate Booze. A lot. A plan started forming in my mind. If my wild speculation was true, if this thing was really going to build a new Warhome, I wanted to get the whole thing done without the involvement of Booze and Treyess. I would travel across the island to some remote beach, and then take the Warhome to sea, around the island and back to the women. I know it's kind of immature, but I think I would get a thrill out of showing them out, out of doing something as amazing as this. And maybe, at some level, I felt it might help me get Treyess back. You know, we hadn't been together alone at all since Booze arrived. The stranger was always there. Unwanted, unwelcome. Maybe I'd ban her from the Warhome, and leave her on the island. Me and Treyess could go to sea and explore this world, with no more interference. Or maybe--maybe I'd have to kidnap Treyess. Take the biplane in--no--the submarine! Take the submarine in and snatch her while she's swimming! Snatch her away from the scumbag Booze. My mind was dazed. I wasn't sure what I was gonna do--but I knew I'd need to snap a whole lot more matter before the matter-thing could build the Warhome. So I redoubled my efforts, snapping up rocks, ground, trees, and anything else I could find (not much). I continued inland, farther than I'd ever been before. I didn't care about getting lost--I was sure now that before too long I'd have a new Warhome. And a Warhome can cut through anything. Lord knows how much matter I snapped up. Many hundreds of tons as I continued my walk inland. I couldn't wait to get the new Warhome--there would be clothes and food and water in there. See, I'd gotten to a more barren area, much more rocky and flat. And I was getting pretty hungry and thirsty. I had a field day on the rocky plateau. Snapping up massive amounts of stone. I guess there must not be a big variety of atoms in stone, because the matter-thing did it's "digestion" phase more and more often. Soon I got to the edge of the plateau, and I saw the sea far in the distance. I'd been travelling for about four or five hours at this point, and I felt really worn out. But the Warhome needle was nearly at 100%, and my stomach was full of butterflies, waiting to see if and how an enormous Warhome was gonna find its way out of this little box. The lights in the sky were falling toward the horizon, and a weird green and silver sphere was drifting across the sky, when I heard the bell. It was a beautiful, pure, exhilarating chime which sounded from the thing I held. I looked at the Warhome display. 100%. I looked around. I was still on the barren plateau. A few small weeds grew among the cracks in the rocks, but other than that, nothing. I looked down at the device, and all the displays were dark--only the image of Warhome was lit up. So I placed the thing gently onto the ground. It stayed there, displays facing up, for a few seconds, but then it began to stir, and in a sudden motion, it swung up to rest on its side. I stepped back. It began to shake, and turn slowly in a clockwise direction, toward me. I ran around to stay away from the area it was facing. As it turned out, it wasn't pointing toward me--I guess it was looking for the best possible place to begin its work. So it stopped, and a few seconds later, it spat out a black ball of some sort. It rolled away from the device and then stopped. I backed away some more. The ball began to roll around a little, and then suddenly it just--unfolded. That's the only way I can describe it. Sort of like a flower blooming also, I guess. Could the entire Warhome be in that ball, unfolding? No--there's no way--it would be so dense and small that it would have crack the rock and fallen into the ground. And the way the thing rolled--no--it didn't have the inertia of an object that was hundreds of tons. But it was unfolding into something--something like--a spider? Yeah--some sort of robot with multiple legs--about the size of a large dog. Soon it had completely unfolded itself and darted with uncanny speed over to the matter-thing, which it lifted into a cavity in it's "chest" area. Immediately, the device spat out about a dozen more balls, all different colors. The spider picked the balls up in specialized appendages and began moving around at incredible speed, depositing the balls at various locations. I backed away some more--this spider was covering a big area, and moving so fast--so fast that I wondered if my superstrength would save me from such an impact if it were to hit me. But it didn't. All the balls it arranged began to unfold, into a variety of shaped, and all the while, the device in its midsection was spitting out ball after ball, which the spider would then deposit either by themselves, or on top of the various things which were unfolding. I sat down and watched the show. It went on for a long time, and my mind began wandering. Such an incomprehensible thing to see. Such a weird way of construction. All I can say is that hundreds--maybe thousands--of unfolding balls were inevitably forming themselves into a Warhome--just like the one I had grown so fond of back on what was left of Timber Serious Earth. So much activity--it took hours of constant work for the Warhome to be built, but finally, it began to look recognizable. As the outside was finalized, the spider went inside, and spent about half and hour inside. I walked around the nascent Warhome, but kept my distance, fearful of the massive forces at work building it. One unfolding thing merging with another unfolding thing... Incredible. Finally, the spider reemerged, climbed down the Warhome, and started moving toward me. I was apprehensive, but stood my ground. It approached to about ten feet away and stopped. It removed the device from itself and placed it on the ground. In a flash of light, the device snapped up the spider, and sounded another wonderful chime. The only way I can describe the sound was that if the first chime was a question, this chime was the answer. I carefully approached the device and picked it up, then I went to the Warhome and climbed up the ladder. It was exactly like the one I originally encountered in the yard--in every detail. I got to the walkway which ran around the perimeter of the vehicle, and opened the door, peering within. Yes. Exact. I entered, putting the matter-device on the ground and sitting in the driver's seat. It felt weird to be naked and sitting there, but I knew I'd be dressed soon enough--I found a whole bunch of clothes in my original Warhome after me and Treyess made love for the first time. I had to assume an identical set would be here. I looked up, and for sure there was a set of keys hanging there, just like before. I didn't take them, however--I got up and entered the back of the Warhome. Soon, I was inside the master bedroom and rummaging through the closets. Lots of clothes in here. Finally, I found an okay tan sort of jumpsuit. It looked kind of dorky, but it was comfortable. Dressed at last! Then a thought struck me. I went over to the library and looked for the book I had had, "The Aleche Degrasion". Yup. There it was, in the same spot it occupied in the original Warhome. Silly of me to worry about the book I left behind at the crater. I mean, was I really going to kidnap Treyess and high-tail it out of there? Maybe. But probably not. Stupid me, I felt bad about the idea of stranding Booze all alone--especially considering her sexual appetite. I need to become more heartless, I guess--I'm never gonna get anywhere being such a sap. I sat down in the library and began leafing through "The Aleche Degrasion", but soon I got restless and put the book down, returning to the cockpit and the driver's seat. The lights in the sky were now setting--it would be night soon. So what was my game plan? I guess I'd go to sea, circle back to the crash site, and surprise Treyess and Booze. But should I wait till morning? Yeah, maybe, but then--if I was gonna kidnap Treyess, it would be better to do it at night... Ah, who was I kidding? I wasn't gonna kidnap her. Like it or not, I'd be cooped up with Booze in this relatively small place. Oh well. Maybe she's not that bad, maybe I just have to get to know her? Nah. She's bad. I took the keys, started the Warhome, and headed for the sea. I felt a sense of supreme satisfaction, having accomplished this. Then I looked over at the matter-device, and had a brilliant thought. Let those two fools build their own Warhome. I'd just get in the way of their fun, anyway. Tomorrow should be an interesting day. *OW* [[17027CN]] Contents of OsoaWeek027, January 26, 1995 BEGIN 01 027 CV--Cover 02 027 HR--Hemisinister Review 03 027 HT--Halfevil Times 04 027 ZP--Zope 05 027 CZ--Classic Zope 06 027 LA--Lord of Obliviana 07 027 NH--Nihilistica 08 027 OL--Obliviana Primal 09 027 NJ--New Jersey 10 027 FE--Friction Enhancer 11 027 DC--Dashic 12 027 AB--Antebellum 13 027 SU--Superior 14 027 DH--Dehumidifier 15 027 SA--Severe Repair Almanac 16 027 SR--Severe Repair 17 027 CN--Contents END *OW* [[END027OW]] -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----