|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- OSOAWEEK--ISSUE 066--10/27/95 <-------  ||  OsoaWeek  ||  Issues  ||  Book 6  ||  -------> (Cup OWis066, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = [[BEGIN066OW]] [[01066CV]] * * * O S O A W E E K 0 6 6 * * * October 27, 1995 "The weekly ezine of Obliviana Super Occult Amusement!" by Frank Edward Nora CONTENTS 01 066 CV--Cover 02 066 HR--Hemisinister Review 03 066 HT--Halfevil Times 04 066 ZP--Zope 05 066 CZ--Classic Zope 06 066 LA--Lord of Obliviana 07 066 NH--Nihilistica 08 066 SU--Superior 09 066 SA--Severe Repair Almanac 10 066 SR--Severe Repair INFORMATION: OsoaWeek066, October 27, 1995. Published weekly by Obliviana Super Occult Amusement, obliviana@aol.com, 1-800-OBLIVIANA. All contents copyright 1995 Frank Edward Nora. This release is Predatorware--you are free to make digital copies, so long as they're not altered or sold. All other forms of reproduction require permission. You're Prey unless you get a Predator Deed for this release. Contact us for more on this concept. Check out Obliviana on the WWW at: http://www.obliviana.com/~osoa Character count: 35056 / Line count: 1149 *OW* [[02066HR]] Hemisinister Review ***TV*** FRIENDS NBC The one thing on TV I have a real hard time watching is sitcoms--cuz they're often lame, and often fail to hold my attention. But because of this prejudice of mine, I missed some great TV. "Roseanne", for example, which I've been catching reruns of, is an awesome show. With "Friends", I missed just about the whole first season, then I actually sat down and watched an episode. Man, this show is pretty insanely great. I still don't watch many sitcoms, but at least I now know that there are some good ones out there. TOO SOMETHING FOX A Generation X sitcom gone terribly wrong. Very bad. Can't last. About two loser guys with no personality who you don't give a sh*t about. F*ck 'em. They even had this caption superimposed toward the end saying "Stay tuned for Married With Children coming up real soon" or something. Like they could sense billions of remote controls clicking away from Fox. Worse than Newsweasels. MURDER ONE ABC Really good show, inspired by the OJ case. Fifteen-year-old is murdered and found naked and tied up. Various high-profile dudes are suspected. Every episode features the main storyline plus one unrelated court case, though it's starting to seem that these "unrelated" cases are indeed related. Great cast, great cinematography, great everything--so why did ABC have to put it up against ER? I hear its ratings have plummeted. Oh well. Definitely check it out--and don't worry if you missed a bunch of episodes--they do a recap at the start of each show--and you'll pick up the plotlines pretty quick. By the way, I think ER kind of sucks--why it's beating Murder One, I haven't a clue. *OW* [[03066HT]] Halfevil Times ***HALFEVIL TIMES PERCEPTIONS & PONDERINGS*** EVER NOTICE... ...that in your car you're like God? ...how deluded people are, thinking they're better than you? ...those pointless signs in bathrooms, listing all sorts of ridiculous things not to flush down the toilet (ie, jock straps, soda cans, thermonuclear devices...)? ...that Christ would be a lot more popular these days if he'd put some sort of "multiple wives for every guy" sort of thing in the Bible like Allah did in the Koran? ...that most of the people who advocate the Internet as a way to do everything from your home and never leave are the sort of people with no lives who don't want to go anywhere anyway? ...how the local TV news has such f*cking stupid stories they tease during the whole show, then show for five seconds at the very end? EVER WONDER... ...why those stupid Indians called us "paleface", as if the rest of our bodies weren't also white? ...why ads for male apparel are made to appeal to homos when at least 90% of all men are straight? ...why politicians gesticulate in such a self-conscious way? ...why, if the Ancient Egyptians were so friggin' brilliant with their pyramids and hieroglyphics and everything, their country is now such an ass-backward, third-world sh*thole? ...if you'll ever see the word "disgruntled" followed by any words but "postal worker" or "employee", always in reference to a shooting spree or mass murder of some sort? ...if time flies the friendly skies? *OW* [[04066ZP]] Zope "Venture Capital Zope" ZOPE (standing at podium) Thank you all for coming. As you know, "Cin-otel" is my latest semiconscious concoction--and I'm here to tell you why you should invest in this brilliant new concept! RAT 17 Tell 'em about the moving rooms! ZOPE (raising his fist, then calming down and lowering it) Callate Raton Diezisiete! (That's Spanish folks.) RAT 17 Sorry, Zope. ZOPE I'll get to everything in my good time. Now. Cin-otel is the greatest concept, because it incorporates several key ideas. And the central one is the... uh... moving rooms. RAT 17 Yeah! ZOPE You see, when you stay at Cin-otel, you don't take the elevator to your room--it comes to you! And through a complex system of winches, pulleys, electromagnetism, and lack of common sense, you can drive your hotel room all over the entertainment complex! RAT 17 Into a whole bunch of giant movie theaters! ZOPE Ah, yes. My eager little friend here can't seem to hold back his enthusiasm. But yes, you can maneuver your room into one of numerous gigantic movie theaters, where you can catch the latest films in total privacy--one-way glass, see. RAT 17 And everything smells like... ZOPE It all smells like cinnamon. Get it, my friends? CINN-amon, CIN-otel? It adds that heart-warming touch that tells people it's a Zope property. RAT 17 So guests stay in their room the whole time! ZOPE Yes, my friend, they do. It's the most relaxing vacation ever. RAT 17 Yeah! ZOPE So gentlemen--to recap the reasons to invest--high growth potential, flexible cash flow, innovative design, business-friendly, and of course--the best reason of all--I won't kill you. *OW* [[05066CZ]] Classic Zope "Zope and the Box" 3/24/87 ZOPE stands looking at two little creatures. ZOPE Hmmm... MONKEY KID Velox Jap Novum. FISH BALLOON KID Loopie Loop Dingo Noodle. ZOPE What strange children. Where can their parents be? Eh? GIANT MOTHER sneaks up behind ZOPE. GIANT MOTHER GET AWAY YOU SCOUNDREL I'LL TEACH YOU TO MOLEST MY KIDS! ZOPE F*ck you bitch! Eat hot lead, sh*tlicker! ZOPE shoots GIANT MOTHER. *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* ZOPE C'mon kids, y'r mom is dead and you'll fetch a good price at the slave auction! LATER... ZOPE Heh, heh! 500 bucks! Those kids must've been real valuable! THEN... GAME SHOW LIKE WEIRDO Hey, buddy, I'll sell you what's inside this box for 500 dollars. It COULD be worth one million dollars! ZOPE F*ck off, I'm gonna buy too much Pez. *OW* [[06066LA]] Lord of Obliviana 10/23/95:6:15 PM!!! Well now, Book Five is all done, haha! And... and the beginning of Book Six is on track to be... to be... to be... ON TIME!!! If it is, this'll be the first issue of OsoaWeek to be on time since issue 13, way back on October 20, 1994! Ah... the dream of OsoaWeek being on schedule... ahh... But there are a lot of questions about Book Six, chiefly, how will it be disseminated? Well, I think that I've had just about enough of America Online--I can't stand it any more. I am planning on uploading Book Five as a single file--shouldn't be too big, eh! But what to do about Book Six... Okay. How 'bout the WWW? I guess that's where I gotta be, y'know. Hmm... some way to add each issue to the server without having to update a whole lot of files... hmm... build in links to files before they're released... hmm... Hierarchical menus! Book level, issue level, feature level. That is, a list of all available Books, and in each of these a list of all available issues, and in each of these a list of all available features, then the features themselves. Sounds pretty simple, eh? And I could have a Book and Issue level list for as-yet undone stuff, adding them as they're completed. This is all because of the nature of the WWW service I have. If I had my own server, it'd be a different story. But right now, my own server is about the least thing I want. Being the 26th day of October, in the year of our lord ("anno domini") 1995th 6:45 pm, as if it mattered Hi there. Tomorrow begins Book Six, and maybe I'll have it done. Sunday, October 29, 1995, 4:10:18 AM So it's not on time--I'll get it done after some sleep. I am... sitting here, working toward something... the dawn of Obliviana. For yes--this is Pre-Dawn Obliviana. I'm drinking water. What does that mean? It means I'm cycling toward the dawn. Okay. Because Obliviana is a game, it will dawn when people start playing it. Very simple, eh? I don't know. I gotta go to sleep. Oh, I saw the Page/Plant show at Madison Square Garden the other night. Pretty awesome. Good morning! Oh, that time above is not right. It's daylight savings, so it's like 3 something now. Okay? October 30, 1995, 8:29 PM Daylight Savings Time Okay. I just had to move from where I was sitting on the train cuz some insane woman was yelling "Danny!" in a creepy monotone every 30 seconds or so--most nerve-wracking. When she mentioned "Katie" I got up and high-tailed it outta there. She seemed vaguely aware that I was leaving cuzza her. I left for work at around 6:15 this morning, and it was light out! Pretty creepy--still and silent, but light. I hate Daylight Saving's Time. By whose authority does it exist? What if we all just refused to set our clocks back? You know, I was thinking, it's so hard to remember which way to set your clocks when this daylight savings thing come around--they have these little rhymes, "Spring forward, fall back"--or is it "Spring back, fall forward"...? You never get it right. So what I was thinking was, why not just ALWAYS set the clocks back? That way, we'll ALWAYS get that extra hour of sleep? And who knows--eventually we might get back a whole year--and then we could all goof off for 365 days before we had to go back to work...! The preceding paragraph is intended as a comedy monologue. Yeah? Okay. So--I stayed late at work, and we were listening to this oldies station, WCBS-FM, and they were doing songs from 1976--and one of them was "Rubberband Man" by The Spinners. And it brought back a gush of memories and emotions--my father must have brought me and my brother to a record store, and we got some '45s--three of them stand out in my memory, and "Rubberband Man" was one of them. I remembered one of the others as "Fernando" by Abba. But the third one eluded me. But then it came on! A song called "Hotline", but I don't know the artist. Then later, "Fernando" came on. I was like, wow. Man the emotions hit me like a truck. Too bad I can't record such emotions in electronic medium--cuz my words must seem hollow to you, now in your own emotional state. But I tellya--it was quite powerful. My current situation with Kerri certainly adds to the mix. And my brother John is moving back with my parents tomorrow. Spent some time with my grandmother last night. My father's first cousin--my uncle I guess-Peter--died last night. He was a millionaire, but had no capacity to enjoy life. He's been in a nursing home, in a terrible state, for quite some time. I didn't know him too well. But still, his death affects me. Huh. I sit here, laying the foundations for an exciting, wonderful, far-reaching enterprise in Obliviana, and it's just like, my life--the trouble with Kerri, my messiness, my compulsive spending, financial disorganization, daily commute, confusion, all that--kind of a contrast. But won't all these problems eventually make me a better person, having gone through them? Yeah. But that does little to ease my unease right now. And it's like, I'm just WAITING to see what's gonna happen in my life--but how f*cked-up is that--considering that my actions are bringing about my future. Or are they? What am I waiting for--catching up on my bills--getting Kerri back or getting a new girlfriend--getting a new apartment--getting Obliviana going... I gotta get Obliviana going. The emotional pain I'm feeling right now is kind of enjoyable. Kind of like appreciating a fine cigar. This is dangerous territory. I had intended to write on the details of the "Obliviana Cup" system, but I'm not really into it right now. I know that I must focus on Obliviana. Take Obliviana away, and I'm a TOTAL F*CKING LOSER WITH NO LIFE. Obliviana is my lifeline, a breathing tube extending into a successful future, providing me breaths of the taste of success, to keep me going. Right now I'm getting pretty fat and I'm weak! My arms are like too weak--I gotta start doing some kind of fitness--but I can't even pick up my clothes off the floor! Jesus Christ! Look at me--an ultratalented genius in so many ways, but a total wreck in so many other ways! WHY, DAMMIT?!? It's like, so many things in my life are on hold until I get Obliviana going. Mischief Night tonight. F*cking bastards better not f*ck with me. I hate all this Halloween crap--it's so annoying--dressing up--Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman, Mummy--come on! I just want it to be over. Holidays piss me off. Maybe cuz they're something in my life I CAN'T put on hold. Yeah, yeah. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say my troubles stem from having no free time and being so worn out from work and the commute. But I do know better. I've been unemployed for long periods of time, and I didn't do any better then. Now I see the challenge of crawling out of this hole. Yes, this might be worthwhile, seeing the situation as a challenge, a game. Rising up, with the company Obliviana as the goal. I'm at Edison now. And I feel like going to sleep. Halloween 1995, 7:41 AM train This issue is at +4 now. Huh, I really thought I'd get it done on time! Oh well, I'm getting there. Could happen today. It's interesting to note how disconnected I feel from yesterday. It's like, every new day is an escape from the last. So I have a lack of continuity maybe. In this light, you can see how important OsoaWeek is to me. But I should elaborate--see--what I'm talking about is an EMOTIONAL disattachment, not a mental one. I remember yesterday just fine, it just seems like a long time ago. So here is Book Six. My minimums? At least 11K of Severe Repair and 8 Superiors per issue. That's it. Maybe somebook I'll go back to my 50K issue minimum, but not just yet. So, enjoy this issue--there really is a lot of great stuff for ya! Uh-huh! Get all Obliviana. *OW* [[07066NH]] Nihilistica ***OSOAWEEK SUPER STATS*** *CHARACTERS* BOOK ONE Total: 901690 Highest single issue: 99382 (001) Lowest single issue: 55828 (013) Average per issue: 69361 BOOK TWO Total: 808973 Highest single issue: 84266 (016) Lowest single issue: 52117 (020) Average per issue: 62229 BOOK THREE Total: 801724 Highest single issue: 90434 (030) Lowest single issue: 52217 (033) Average per issue: 61671 BOOK FOUR Total: 771386 Highest single issue: 141986 (052) Lowest single issue: 33230 (042) Average per issue: 59337 BOOK FIVE Total: 152577 Highest single issue: 38423 (053) Lowest single issue: 2156 (059) Average per issue: 11737 CUMULATIVE Total: 3436350 Highest single issue: 141986 (052) Lowest single issue: 2156 (059) Average per issue: 52867 *LINES* BOOK ONE Total: 24550 Highest single issue: 2863 (001) Lowest single issue: 1366 (013) Average per issue: 1888 BOOK TWO Total: 23526 Highest single issue: 2708 (016) Lowest single issue: 1390 (018) Average per issue: 1810 BOOK THREE Total: 22220 Highest single issue: 2414 (030) Lowest single issue: 1331 (037) Average per issue: 1709 BOOK FOUR Total: 21143 Highest single issue: 3369 (052) Lowest single issue: 909 (042) Average per issue: 1626 BOOK FIVE Total: 4625 Highest single issue: 1177 (053) Lowest single issue: 83 (059) Average per issue: 356 CUMULATIVE Total: 96064 Highest single issue: 3369 (052) Lowest single issue: 83 (059) Average per issue: 1477 *WORDS* BOOK ONE Total: 151774 Highest single issue: 16589 (001) Lowest single issue: 9308 (009) Average per issue: 11675 BOOK TWO Total: 137258 Highest single issue: 14231 (016) Lowest single issue: 8860 (020) Average per issue: 10558 BOOK THREE Total: 138741 Highest single issue: 15606 (030) Lowest single issue: 9060 (033) Average per issue: 10672 BOOK FOUR Total: 132823 Highest single issue: 24070 (052) Lowest single issue: 5765 (042) Average per issue: 10217 BOOK FIVE Total: 27795 Highest single issue: 7072 (057) Lowest single issue: 378 (059) Average per issue: 2138 CUMULATIVE Total: 588391 Highest single issue: 24070 (052) Lowest single issue: 378 (059) Average per issue: 9052 *LETTERS PER WORDS* BOOK ONE Highest single issue: 5.03838 (002) Lowest single issue: 4.80960 (010) Average: 4.94216 BOOK TWO Highest single issue: 5.19311 (021) Lowest single issue: 4.56422 (018) Average: 4.89520 BOOK THREE Highest single issue: 4.89893 (038) Lowest single issue: 4.61103 (035) Average: 4.77788 BOOK FOUR Highest single issue: 5.07966 (051) Lowest single issue: 4.63465 (043) Average: 4.80085 BOOK FIVE Highest single issue: 4.96183 (056) Lowest single issue: 4.24696 (054) Average: 4.54731 CUMULATIVE Highest single issue: 5.19311 (021) Lowest single issue: 4.24696 (054) Average: 4.79268 *DAYS OFF SCHEDULE* BOOK ONE 001: -2 002: -1 003: -1 004: -1 005: -1 006: -1 007: -1 008: 0 009: -2 010: 0 011: -1 012: 0 013: -1 BOOK TWO 014: +3 015: +2 016: +1 017: +2 018: +1 019: +3 020: +4 021: +4 022: +6 023: +4 024: +3 025: +4 026: +7 BOOK THREE 027: +11 028: +9 029: +12 030: +13 031: +14 032: +21 033: +24 034: +17 035: +20 036: +19 037: +20 038: +21 039: +17 BOOK FOUR 040: +26 041: +26 042: +24 043: +24 044: +21 045: +20 046: +20 047: +27 048: +31 049: +33 050: +40 051: +38 052: +38 BOOK FIVE 053: +44 054: +37 055: +30 056: +23 057: +37 066: +38 059: +31 060: +36 061: +30 062: +24 063: +17 064: +10 065: +3 *FEATURES* So far, a total of 39 different features have appeared in OsoaWeek. Some of them have appeared only once, and some have gone through name and code changes (such as "Lord of Obliviana Revelry" (LO) becoming "Lord of Obliviana" (LA)). The only feature that's appeared in every single issue of OsoaWeek is Superior. Here's the whole list, covering the first five Books of OsoaWeek. AB--Antebellum (1, 27-31) AD--Actuality Destructor (14, 16, 17) AX--Appendix (1-13) CC--Classictronica (14) CN--Contents (1-39) CO--Catalog of Obliviana (1-26) CV--Cover (14-65) CZ--Classic Zope (27-33, 40-44, 46, 49-50, 52) DC--Dashic (27-30, 32)...continued from TN DH--Dehumidifier (14-31, 34, 40) DY--Digital Superworld Youth (14, 15, 17) EF--How to Establish Your Fonosta (1) EM--Your E-Mail is Gonna Come (1-4, 6) FA--Fonosta (14)...continued from FW FE--Friction Enhancer (1-5, 12, 14, 16, 19, 27-30, 40) FW--Fonosta World (2-5)...continued as FA HR--Hemisinister Review (1-33, 36-37, 39-51) HT--Halfevil Times (1-33, 35, 39-46, 49-50, 52) IB--Ibof (14) IF--In the Flowers (1) IS--Into E-mber Severe Repair (40-51) IW--Into E-mber Forge of Wander (40-52) LA--Lord of Obliviana (14-65)...continued from LO LO--Lord of Obliviana Revelry (1-13)...continued as LA MB--Assignment: Mystery Box (1, 4) MH--Masthead (1-13) NH--Nihilistica (1-33, 35-40, 43-45, 52-57) NJ--New Jersey (1-4, 14, 27-30, 32-36, 39-40, 44, 52) OL--Obliviana Primal (27-32, 39)...continued from TT OP--Obliviana Primal Beat (1, 4) SA--Severe Repair Almanac (27-31, 40, 53) SO--The State of Osoa (1-13) SP--Sneak Preview (1-13) SR--Severe Repair (1-52) SU--Superior (1-65) TN--209 (14, 17)...continued as DC TS--Trick Sojourn (40-52) TT--Tourney Today (14)...continued as OL ZP--Zope (1-4, 14-33, 40-42, 44, 46, 49) *OW* [[08066SU]] Superior SUPERIOR 365 I gotta say it--"The Superior-A-Day Desk Calendar"--new for Christmas. Yes, you too can experience a brand new Superior each and every day of your life--what a way to wake up and face the day! And you know what? If this is a non-Leap-Year, this is December 31, New Year's Eve! If it IS a Leap Year, this is what I used to call "New Year's Eve EVE" as a kid! Kind of like "Christmas Eve EVE"! (December 23). Of course, if it's 1996, 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012, 2016, 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032, etc.--you got one more Superior to go! By the way, and this may be totally fallacious information, I remember in Astronomy class in college that there wasn't gonna be a Leap Year in 2000. Is this like possibly true? E-mail me with the answer! SUPERIOR 366 Leap Year New Year's Eve. That is all I have to say. Not quite. Speak in a robotic tone of voice. The 21st Century doesn't really begin until Jan. 1, 2001, you know. But no one's gonna give a hoot or a rat's ass about that--New Year's Eve 1999 is gonna be the big one. The Third Millennium. And not an end of the world in sight. SUPERIOR 367 One o'clock two fine days. Hi, they wear bikinis. Yeah, we got four bottles of vodka, so what, our dormitory night is all set. Are these three sentences connected or totally not? That is for you to decide. Go far. SUPERIOR 368 Theatrical smoke in the subways brought me to your door. You letting me in was the wet dream I longer for. I am Wyoming. SUPERIOR 369 Say to Maye, you love her hair. Say to Maye, trouble in the air. Say to Maye, I am your lover powerful. Say to Maye, I wanna do you and your sister at the same time. SUPERIOR 370 Well, think, yelling folklore is my passion blue. The pain of days, how mental notes metamorphose into cacophony, and you are just as beautiful as ever. I can tolerate the many ways and days of Allison, in a way of nerdy measurement, but it is too comfortable, I think, and I must seek other avenues of tiring myself here. SUPERIOR 371 The coomon sense. Betsy's in maze mayhem! Histrike line, Olympic style. Meaning, it has importance, it all means something. And you have trillions of years to figure it out. SUPERIOR 372 Yumpa revision yanposta; true and newly, icy confused lady, you couldn't know, but in that moment you could have been everything to her. For $1,000,000, I will give you back that moment. I am "The Another Maker", Tuesdays at nine, right here on your Wowverful Place for Obliviana, WWW, channel 67, Omaha, Nebraska. *OW* [[09066SA]] Severe Repair Almanac ***WHERE IS SEVERE REPAIR GOING?*** Severe Repair developed slowly, with writing I did from about 1986 to 1994. Much of the First Book of Severe Repair consisted of this previous material, reworked so that it fit into the new scheme of Severe Repair. Over the course of the four Books of OsoaWeek that now exist, I have folded in some older material, but most of Books Two thru Four are brand new. In Book Five of OsoaWeek, I took a much-needed break from Severe Repair--and I intended to read all of what I had and then prepare a general direction for Severe Repair--but I never got around to it. So, what I'm going to do is just keep on going the same way I have been. I do have one rule though--all new characters and storylines have to be related to existing characters and storyline from the first four Books. I have a sense of where Severe Repair is going--and indeed, I am going to bring it to an end at some point. My estimate of the length of the first four Books is 646 pages, if published in paper form. And right now, my best guess is that the final work will be several thousand pages long. And once I'm done with Severe Repair, I can start working on the sequel! "Severe Repair II"? Ah, who knows. It might be the 21st Century before I have to start worrying about that. *OW* [[10066SR]] Severe Repair SEVERE REPAIR 53: "The Kiss of Version" Dear Fluffy, I never thought I'd be writing you this letter, but then, there are a lot of things I never thought I'd be doing that I'm doing now. I want to say up front that I'm sorry for all the misery this letter will cause you. I, too, know the bliss of oblivion, the kiss of version. But believe me, if there were any other way, there's no way I'd be doing this to you. But before I go on, I have to commit THE ACT. So here goes: "Bank of Occupied Fauna, Bank of Escape Hay, Bank of Gambol Satellite, Time, the Bank, and Hay." Take some time to recover. That was, as you may now remember, one of the forbidden "backdoors" I built in when we decided to blot out of existence the armageddon that was Sweptim. Yes, yes. Now I feel more comfortable writing to you--now you're the Fluffy I once knew, who was once my best friend, back again. Of all existing peoples in Creation, it is you who I most trust, who I would gladly trust with my lives. I hope by now you realize who I am--none other than the incorrigible Wrath Sanctimony Babe!!! Okay. I hope by now you've recovered your senses somewhat. 451 years of self-deceit must be a massive debt to absorb into your body system. I should know--I set myself up to be under the veil for a century--you knew me as Abner Mash Hound Mill. As I knew myself. It's the next day. I had so much on my mind I couldn't go on last night. I want to clear the air on the matter of our relationship when I was Abner. I...like many others...always lusted after you. You knew it, and let it be a positive part of our friendship. For that, I thank you. My hormones got the best of me though, in the end. I constructed the Abner Mash Hound Mill persona to be the personification of your perfect lover. And I tweaked the Superbhurricane to make sure we'd be lovers for those hundred glorious years of orgy and oblivion. (The two O's, don't you know.) When the fuse reached me--and I remembered everything, I couldn't bear what I had done--to our platonic partnership. I never realized that the sexual tension was the glue that bound us, that made our bond last. I realized then, after 100 years, that I had destroyed a friendship that had lasted almost a millennium. Sexuality is the prime mover--it exists between all friends. But it's most potent when it remains platonic--the physical act is a splat, all that. But understand, my lust for you went beyond a subtle tension--often, all I could think of was ripping your clothes off and getting lost in the sexual playground you. You don't know how close I got at times--but always, something got in the way. But I'm glad it never happened like that. Abner Mash Hound Mill was me, and also it wasn't me. I, as Wrath Sanctimony Babe, as myself--committed a fait accompli that it would happen--but it was me AS Abner Mash Hound Mill who finally found it with you. It's four days later now. I've been so busy, I haven't been able to stir up the buzz to get myself to continue this letter. I just hope I have the guts to mail it when the time comes. I have to clear this whole thing up with you. You gotta hate me now, I know. What I did was bad. But I am kind of bad. You know that. I know it must have hurt you terribly when I, as Abner, disappeared. It sure hurt me. But once I was free of the Avert Cities, I just... I felt like I had no more boundaries, like I could go anywhere and do anything. The wound that was the remnant of Sweptim was healing. And somehow, with all the new forces that were beginning to swirl around, I just had to travel those pathways. Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy. You gotta know what's been happening. Let me tell you about the case with me first... I thought that I came up with Abner Mash Hound Mill out of my own imagination, but it turns out that there's a REAL Abner, and that the process I thought was my own act of imagination was something far deeper and more disturbing. And... How can I even say it? All of Agoopish and the rest of Avert--the same sort of thing happened there--there was a REAL Agoopish once, just like there was a real Abner Mash Hound Mill. The thing is, there's this whole new picture that I'm just starting to grasp, about the nature of Creation. You know the countless hours we spent contemplating That Which Lies Beyond. Well, let me tell you, Abner Mash Hound Mill--the real one--is from there. How can I even put all this into words? The nature of existence--not at all like we thought it was. Think about it--what if NOTHING existed ANYWHERE? No existence at all. You can't imagine it, because it is beyond the capacity for us to visualize or conceptualize. What I'm talking about is Lamparponding. But I know I'm not explaining it right. See, I've discovered all this, but I don't know if it's going to do anyone any good. But you have to look at pleasure--pleasure is one of the most vital elements in the universe. No one should scorn it. And make no mistake--I'm not talking about hedonism--it is false pleasure. Pleasure that must be paid for by pain is not pleasure. Lamparponding--I am in no position to initiate it, but you--you are in a very good position to get it going. But "keep it in your pants". Lamparponding is a lot like sexuality--if you handle it properly, it's the most potent force. Abuse it, and it will control you, and it has no mind, it is just a mindless storm. Establish Lamparponding. I have met the real Abner Mash Hound Mill. I have direct information about That Which Lies Beyond. And what it points to is Lamparponding. Tomorrow again. So much stuff going on. I have to admit something to you. I used soft time travel last night to go back to my first night with you as my version of Abner Mash Hound Mill. Yeah, I was making love to you only a few hours ago. What do you know about that. Maybe you should do a little soft, if you know how, and go back to that day too. It was so strange waking up in that male body. I was so aware of my penis the whole day. It was so the focus of my entire being, knowing that it would be my tool in caressing you with as much pleasure as I was able. But now I'm thinking and my hormones are back to their screeching and shrieking. I want to make love to you as a woman, not as a man. And I miss you now more than ever. I could do soft time travel every night, but... No. It's not right. But I don't think I have the will to hold myself back any longer. I think I might soft time travel back to our days together in Sweptim and try to seduce you. I wonder if you'll acquiesce. I am a bad girl. I'm sitting here wondering what day, out of the hundreds of thousands we spent together, you'd be most susceptible to my love. Or maybe, even to occult means of getting you to spread your legs for me. I don't know. I know I should feel guilty for all this, but I don't. As I said, I'm bad. Hum. I'm feeling a little sleepy now. Maybe I'll do a little soft. But what day? 45 minutes later. I've decided what day to soft time travel back to--our sojourn to Foomhoom--the day which began with waking up in a dungeon--remember--we were too drunk to use our powers to resist getting arrested by the local authorities. That day--where in the course of half-a-day we were in the mythological palace at Foomhoom--in that room we shared--the streaming sunlight--the glorious bed--you and me sharing it. I thought you might have gone for it then, but I was too involved with Wompoppa the Dryer at that point. I think you might have. I think I'll go back there now. Soft time travel--doubles your life--or halves it? I don't know. Wonder if I'll keep it up... maybe I'll have to risk stampede style soft time travel--continuing the reality of the previous night's time travel... But we both know how hazardous that is. And I'm in no position to risk destroying myself right now. You know? Well, I'm off to bed. The next paragraph will reveal to you what happened, back there in a slightly edited day we shared--or will share--in Foomhoom. After now. And in a nutshell, my little scheme worked. But... "There are no time paradoxes." Your words. So I'll tell you what you told me to tell you. Soft time travel back to that day as well, and the mind of the you of today (or the day you'll eventually get this letter) and the mind of me of today were (to me) and will (to you) be together in Foomhoom, in our bodies as they were at that time. Confused yet? I should have known there'd be some sort of distraction like this when I need to focus all my energy on the issue at hand and Lamparponding. When you told me that you always felt the same way about me, I... You want me to be honest like the bad girl I am? It was anticlimactic. You would have thought I'd be thrilled, but to think--of all those days together--and we could have been f*cking-- What can I say? I wanted to be the dominant time traveller, back to seduce that wonderfully innocent version of you. Now maybe you see what I mean about "keeping it in your pants". I told you I'd write more about Lamparponding in this letter, that the version you read had nothing about specific about it, and also nothing about you going back in time. There is the elastic nature of things, but it doesn't quite explain this. Transfer of information, transfer of bodily fluids, places and experiences. What was that perfume you were wearing? Lamparponding... I'll explain it to you next time we meet in soft time travel. Same time, same place? Could that possibly work? I love you. But unfortunately, there's no way for us to get back together, for real. Not until-- No. It's too soon for that. Later now. I've been masturbating all afternoon on our tryst. Yeah, I'm a loser. With all the things I know, to be so into sex, seems kind of like a waste of talent. But this is you we're talking about. And YOU are bigger in my head than just about anything. So anyway, Lamparponding... it's a whole new way to do things, so much more in line with how things were originally meant to be. I got to get the information to you, but I think our "convergent" soft time travel connection is the best way to give you all the details. So I don't know. I wish I could blow this whole situation apart. Huh--wonder what would happen if I DID manage to set of a situation grenade here? Oh well. Like that's gonna happen. Two days later now. And I've been with you three more times. It so lame, I've been running around all over, trying to get myself tired enough to go back to sleep to be with you again. In this venture, you start to wonder which timeline is the real one. Man, for it to be the earlier one--our friendship re-edited into a between-the-legs thing. Wow. But I know it can't last. There are forces at work here which even now are making life difficult for me. I know I'll have to focus on these things and let the chips fall where they may sooner or later. But Fluffy, we have something going here--something I desperately want to hold onto. But time travel is such a loser thing to do. But what can I say--I'm a loser for pussy!!! Egad--look at me. Please try and understand me. Where I am now in my life--it's like, everything we yearned for in Sweptim, that I now have. So why am I escaping back to those times every time I go to sleep? I will find a way to be with you, in the here and now. I have no idea how, but I will. Because I love you, in that schoolgirl way. I'm so wet. "True Love", Wrath Sanctimony Babe P.S. I never sent this letter. *OW* [[END066OW]] -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----