|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- GOODBYE POPCORN--CUP 8--"SOCKS" <-------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  Goodbye Popcorn  ||  -------> (Cup SRgp008, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = "What's so good about that balloon?" Daptin asked. "It's not just any balloon." Confetti said. "It's a slay balloon. Much, much better than an average balloon." "In what way?" Fake asked. "Blow it up and pop it, and everything around you will be annihilated." "Wouldn't that kill you, too?" Fake asked. "Not at all. There's a safe area in the immediate vicinity of the slay balloon. And as an added feature, the destructive wave is proportional to the degree the balloon is inflated." "So does it like kill people?" Daptin asked. "Well, it'll kill killable people, certainly. No problem." "Well Fake, whattaya think? Pretty useful, eh?" "Definitely. How much?" "Oh, you can get whatever you want and put it on the Caxopys' account." Confetti said. "Cool! We'll take a lot of 'em." Daptin said. "One great gross enough?" Confetti asked, holding up a large black box. "How many is that?" Fake asked. "I dunno. A lot." Confetti replied. "Sounds good to me." Fake said. "Sold!" "What else?" Daptin asked. "Let's see... oh, here's something good." Confetti said as she knelt down. Then she lifted a cinder block to the countertop. "A brick?" Fake asked. "A cinder block." Confetti replied. "Does it have any special powers or is it just normal?" Daptin asked. "Now come on--at Basement-Wall-Thursday we don't sell regular cinder blocks. No, it's about as intelligent as a dog, and it can fly. Want one?" "Let me see." Fake said. "Okay--cinder block, fly around the room, knock over the green vase, and return to the counter." Confetti said. With this, the cinder block flipped wildly into the air, knocked over a green plastic vase, swung around the interior of the store, and returned deftly to the countertop. "Whew! I'll take it!" Fake said. "Sold!" "I want one too!" Daptin said. "Sorry, last one." "Oh!" Daptin whined. "Don't worry, I have something for you." Confetti said, reaching under the counter and pulling something out to show Daptin. "Swizzle sticks?" Daptin queried. "No! They're fucking morons, silly!" "Fucking what?" Daptin asked. "Fucking morons! When you break one of the sticks, a stupid fucking idiot will soon show up and befriend you for a few days. Very useful." "Huh? What good is a fucking moron? And where do they come from?" "They can be helpful. They carry things, confuse enemies, test food for poison, y'know. And they're extremely amusing." "Oh man." Daptin said. "But they don't like," Fake interjected, "they don't like fuck--like, they aren't called fucking morons cuz they like, y'know, have sex with people, right?" Fake asked. "Now that's sick. You have a sick mind, girl. Of course not." Confetti said. "Well I had to ask, this stuff is so whacked." "No, they don't fuck but they're quite delightful otherwise. You want 'em?" "Okay what the hell." Daptin said. "Sold to the enthusiastic Arctican." Confetti said, pointing to Daptin with a handful of the colorful plastic sticks. "Thank you." Daptin said. "What else? What else?" Fake said excitedly. "Hmm--oh yes. Yes. How could I forget these... these... these..." Cofetti said as she rummaged. "These what?" Daptin asked. "These... socks!" Confetti said, producing two pairs of yellow socks covered with lavender polka dots. "Oh, beautiful." Daptin commented. "Not only beautiful, but distinctive!" Confetti said. "Huh?" "Distinctive time socks. Very, very useful. You know how a clock goes to 59 and then back to zero? Well--not with these socks on. You get to 99 with these." "What?" Fake asked, examining her cinder block. "You get to 59, just like normal." Confetti explained. "But then, with the socks on, instead of going back to zero, you get to 60. You have a whole 40 minutes to yourself--no one else around. Distinctive time. Get it?" "What do you mean no one else? What happens to 'em?" Daptin asked. "They all go back to zero, while you, if you're wearing the socks, go right on to 60." "But where are the other people, physically?" Daptin said. "Every living thing goes right to zero like I said, but inanimate objects all have that extra 40 minutes. And with these socks on, you can too." Confetti explained. "So it's like time stops?" Daptin asked. "Sort of, in terms of everyone else. But everything is normal, except that nothing living is there, except sock-wearers." "Sounds pretty damn good to me! We'll take 'em." Daptin said. -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----