|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- IRREGULAR SHIRT--CUP 5--"NO BIKES" <-------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  Irregular Shirt  ||  -------> (Cup SRis005, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Riding through the streets, it looked like the citizens of this seaport town, Mav Saptax, were out in droves to catch a glimpse of that comet which was supposedly going to come by. I ignored these ignorant average fools and sped my way on towards the highway. Twice I was forced to stop after coming upon a car accident. I wondered what the hell was wrong with these stupid people. Finally I got to the highway, and was a bit surprised when I saw the sign reading "No Bikes, $300 fine". I stopped and looked around incredulously and said "Fuck" as I shook my head. Just standing there for half a minute, I was deciding what to do. But the image of Harbaza's tits pressing against her tight sweater made me say "Well, fuck goddam $300." And I went onto the highway. The highway was well-lit, and the traffic wasn't very heavy, but not 5 minutes later I ran over some broken glass, and both tires went flat. I skidded to a halt, cursed loudly, and threw the bike into the tall grass by the road. "It's hitchhiking, I guess.", I thought to myself, realizing dumbly that I would probably be killed. I started walking, but then I had a stupid thought, "what if they find the bike and take fingerprints?" So, knowing it was moronic, I went back, and wiped off the bike everywhere I had touched it, with the sleeve of my jacket. "Fuck", I thought as I was performing this stupid act. So I said "what the hell", and started hitchhiking, holding my thumb out, walking backwards. After about a minute of freezing time, a big brown pickup truck went by and honked its horn. I turned to watch it as it passed, and it slowed down and stopped by the side of the road. Immediately I walked towards it, and went up to the passenger door. I noticed a bizarre picture painted on the door, some sort of a crazy little guy sideways against a checkered background. Looking at it made me dizzy. But then the door opened, and I saw a middle-aged guy, with a cigarette in his hand, and a short hairstyle that hadn't been "in" for fifteen years. "Where ya goin' fella?" he asked me. "Uh, I gotta go to over to Donavan Bends." I said. "Yeah? I'm goin' that way. Get in." "Hey thanks." So I got in. Apparently the truck had no heat, as the guy was in a coat and wearing gloves. "Cold as a witch's tit out there, huh?" then man said. "Uh-huh." "Say, whereabout in Donavan's ya goin'?" "Uh, well, home. I mean, Drumlin Road, by the Shop'o'Tagger's." "Yeah? I gotta cut thru that way, so I'll drop ya off home, if ya want." "Sure." He took off his gloves, rubbed his hands together, and put his gloves back on. Then we pulled out, back into traffic. We went for a couple minutes without saying anything. Then all of a sudden he said, "The name's Benny. Benny Averlaize." "Doug Brine." I said. "Happy to meet ya. So whattaya do, go to school?" "Yeah, I go to Shirt University, down the street." "S'a good school?" "They say it is." "Huh." At this point, Benny was doing about 95 mph, and the truck was starting to shake a little. After a few more minutes of silence, Benny started to sing, quietly, under his breath. It was the theme song from a cartoon, Kokle Pest. It went, "Yes a little bug, my pal Kokle, he's so cute. Down in the park, he's making a spectacle spark, of himself again. What a nut, this bug! From far and near, his..." I was ignoring this song, however, as I was having a sexual fantasy about doing a 69 with Harbaza, but I was interrupted as I saw the flashing lights of an cop car behind us. I looked around and said "shit!" Benny kept singing, and started to accelerate. The cop turned his siren on, and Benny just kept singing that stupid song, and continued to go faster and faster. I looked over and saw he was doing about 115 mph. "Yo, hey man!" I said. But he just smiled, turned his head around, looked at the cop car, then turned back, put out his cigarette in the ashtray, and said "Watch this." He kept accelerating, pushing the needle up to the end of the speedometer, 120 mph, and must have continued on to about 130 or 140, and the cop was keeping up. The truck's engine thundered and the siren blared and my blood banged against me. I thought to myself, "Now I'll never get to the fuckin' show tonight, goddammit." But then Benny, with his eyes intently on the road ahead of him, motioned with his thumb for me to look back at the cops. I did, and I saw that the cops were right on our tail. I could only make out the shadows of the officers, though. I thought to myself, "What the hell?", and I wondered if Harbaza would think I was cool if she could see me in this situation. Then a shock. A blam. A terrible screech as Benny braked the truck. And a horrible crashing kerrang as the cop car smashed into the truck, was thrown into the bed, and then over the truck entirely. I swerved my head around to see the police car a flaming wreck flying off the top of the truck and onto the pavement fifty feet ahead. -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----