|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- THE MILDRED CORK--CUP 8--"THE MILDRED CORK" <-------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  The Mildred Cork  ||  -------> (Cup SRmc008, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Why was there a scroll on my bed? It was just another of those unanswerable questions you get so much in college. But... there was a note attached to it--all smeared with ink--but it was legible. It said... "Walt--Think you might find this interesting--SS" and there was a smiley face at the bottom. Huh. SS--had to be Sally Sust, the girl I had such a crush on. I really loved her--I even admitted it to her. She wasn't too cooperative though. Hell--just cuz you like someone doesn't mean they'll like you back, right? Okay, the scroll. Was this some kind of joke? I untied the string around it and started to unfurl it. Wow. It felt ancient. But incredibly sturdy. Weird. The first thing it said, in big letters at the top was MILDRED. Underneath that, it said, "Regarding the properties of the newest frelmerhaze-standevice out of Gremdoza. Condensed from the Hapstaccia Fober XIV." Okay... "What is in form a common cork contains the delightful attribute. Vexing in its framepoint, the consequence describes the beauteous life. "Mildred is a fine lass, taller than a tall man, solid, as powerful as an ij press. Her true face, golden flow of locks, skin like sunlight, delightful breasts, and shapely form (!) The sting here: she is absolutely loyal to one man--you! "Starting with the cork, but the merest of shavings is needed. This, in contact with your bare skin, gets hot. Here is the ident impress--here, Mildred will get to know you inside and out--even before she comes to be! "Mildred's loyalty and willingness cannot be understated. She willingly satisfies your every carnal whim. Make no doubt. For you or whomever you deem. Many users initially find this Mildred's greatest function. "She will never tire, though she sleeps. Never starve, though she eats. Never lack for air, though she breathes. Never die, so long as you do live. Never fail in her devotion to you, save for your own safety. Never menstruate or get with child, though she is otherwise everything female. "In times of emergency, Mildred will lactate. Thus with Mildred you shall never starve or thirst. She can perpetuate this ad infinitum with no sustenance herself--such is her powernature. "Mildred may marry, but only you. Others will ever take her as a woman, nothing more. Many find it impossible to maintain another relationship with Mildred around. Marrying Mildred is heartily recommended by this humble scholar. "She has heart, spirit, fire, personality, awareness, and things of that nature in abundance. She is the perfect companion. She fits in with society, loves and obeys you, is impervious to all forms of damage, and will melt your heart. "In the event of your death, Mildred will become a mortal and will live out her remaining years in quiet mourning and contemplation, doing acts of charity and kindness whenever possible. "The Mildred Cork was retrieved from the Blongs Vault in 5 by Jorfa Kield, aggist. But the barest shaving is required to generate a Mildred. Once it touches your bare flesh, it gets hot. Once hot, put it in a large body of water. Mildred will rise out of the water one day later, and seek you out without fail. She always knows where you are. "I have had my Mildred for 61 years now. I have found that her milk has remarkable rejuvenating powers, and though a man of 112, I appear a man of 35. "If you are ready to commit your life to finding a shave of The Mildred Cork, rest ye. For this is the caveat--only one Mildred may exist at a time. The cork shaving will not get hot if there is another Mildred somewhere--it just will not work. "But ah! This is Sweptim, and the one-Mildred rule applies to each Earth. So as long as you find an Earth with no Mildred, you got it. "At the time of this writing, I have no information whatever as to the location of The Mildred Cork. I took my shaving from the Cork itself, but soon thereafter it changed hands. I heard rumors decades ago that Slont-Ag 88, wretched tyrant of Huplomic, possessed it for a time. "This won't get you anywhere though. "Now so as you don't eye all corks strangely for the rest of your life, let me just impart a brief description of it. It identifying nature is not its size or shape, but its color. It is pale blue with flecks of copper in it. It is this colorscheme you should keep an eye out for." -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----