|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- A ROAD MAP OF ARCTICA--CUP 19--"LIKES TRAINS" <-------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  A Road Map of Arctica  ||  -------> (Cup SRrm019, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = In October of 1996, two guys were talking in the parking lot of the Kinnelon Mall in Kinnelon, New Jersey. "We're gonna time travel to the set of 'WKRP in Cincinatti' and hang out." said Likes Trains. "Shut up." responded Doesn't Like Trains. "Dude, everything on TV is a time and a place." "A little time travel goes a long way." "I was a loser in high school. Therefore I shall fuck all the hot girls I see on TV, when they were hottest. Any girl would trade sex for time travel favors." "You're... you're... I understand where you're at. You're in a state of deprivation. And your thoughts, your fantasies... aren't they delicious to ponder? But I tell you... the path you're aiming for... it won't be much fun after awhile." "I don't give a shit. I'm gonna fucking go wild. Put time travel in my hands, and I'm a fuckin' rocket. If I learn my lesson, fine. But I'm gonna have fun learning." "You're gonna hurt a lot of people in the process, and eventually it'll come back to haunt you, and you'll wish with all your heart that you'd taken my advice." "Fuck you." "'Fuck'--you keep using that word. It's sad, a person like you, with all your talents and abilities, and you still resort to the most uncreative, most childish epithets." "Like I said, fuck you." "Great. Great. So do you have anything else to tell me before I go?" "Yeah." "What?" "The Holland and the Lincoln Tunnels are fucking fakes." "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense." "I'm tellin' ya!" "Y'know, let me just... let me... look--people go through those tunnels every day. Millions of people, thousands, whatever. If the tunnels are fake then everything we know about reality is also fake. Is that what you're trying to say, that all reality is just an illusion? Not very original or useful." "That's not what I'm saying at all." "Then what are you saying?" "I'm saying that, a few hundred feet into the tunnel, there's a dimensional doorway, on both sides. There IS no tunnel, just a dimension door." "So why does the tunnel seem so long?" "That's the thing. They had to build a fake tunnel. They built it in an enchanted forest. It looks like a little Great Wall of China. It's above ground." "Uh-huh. And I guess the whole thing is a hundred percent airtight, huh?" "What difference does that make?" "Air pressure, stupid. The difference between two worlds would almost always be considerate. There would be a constant wind." "I guess it's airtight then." "Why do you believe this?" "I don't know. A friend of mine said he broke through. Bad car accident, explosion, whatever. Said that as soon as it happened, they put another fake tunnel online." "Switchable dimension doors, eh?" "Not necessarily. They could slide a new one in like a new curtain or something." "Why not just admit that they're using dimension doors?" "It would totally fuck up the economy. Airplanes and airports would disappear. So would a lot else." "So why use it in the first place?" "A lot cheaper to build. But the government or whoever pays for this shit thinks you're fucking burrowing in solid rock. It's a lot of money. Why are you smiling?" "No, I was just thinking, what if they slipped in time gates? Can you imagine the havoc that would cause?" "Now you're thinking like a man!" -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----