|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- IRREGULAR SHIRT--CUP 1--"SUFFOCATING THE DEAN" --------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  Irregular Shirt  ||  -------> (Cup SRis001, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = "Walt, are we goin' out in the woods to see about that suffocating the Dean thing or what?" Roy O'Damn asked his roommate, Walter Mota, as they entered the lounge on the fifth floor of Spoin Hall, a dorm at Thatterine College. "Yeah okay, but I just wanna see a little of the Johnny Pitch videos in a few minutes. Y'know." "Look, I'm not sitting around here watching any queer Johnny Pitch cartoons or whatever. Let's get goin', for cryin' out loud." "Hey Roy," the nerdy Thinki Hamilton said. "Johnny Pitch isn't a cartoon! It's moody and idiosyncratic black-and-white television series from Boolevathers, some fifteen years old." "Thinki, have you ever touched a girl? Besides your mother, that is." Roy asked. Thinki just muttered "hmm" and turned away, uncommunicative. "I've seen the show before." Walt said. "It's pretty good." "Yeah right." Roy said. "Just cuz Brine and Loblolly have a million posters of it in their room you think it must be cool to like it." "But Roy," Doug Brine said, "coming from Boolevathers, it's probably a milliard, not a million." "Brine, you know, I'd love to annihilate your cranium with a cinder block one of these days." said Roy. "Sounds good to me!" Brine said goofily. "Check with my secretary and make an appointment." Roy sat down and said "Fuck". "Geez Roy, why don't you ever let us enjoy Johnny Pitch night?" the pretty Janice Pawn asked. "Janice. There was only one other Johnny Pitch night, and that was three days ago. What's the matter with you people, you need a Johnny Pitch fix every friggin' day?" Roy asked. "I think in the next episode Darkfreen the Ultra Warlock is going to capture Miss Brandy Finesphere." Thinki said. "Thinki, let me use my Ultra Warlock powers for a minute--I see you jerking off to a nude picture of Johnny Pitch. Am I right?" Roy said. "No Roy, you--" Janice cut in. "--oh, you're the one who jerks off to it?" Roy asked. "Be kind of hard for me to jerk off." Janice said. "Why's that?" Walt asked. "She has nothing to jerk!" Doug said, shrugging foolishly. "Well, for girls it's more like... stroking off." Roy said. "Honestly, you males are impossible." Janice said. "Honestly you males are impossible." Roy said jeeringly, imitating Janice, just as Kathy Zebruary was walking in. "I see Roy's coming out of the closet." Kathy said. "I'll come out of your closet any day, Zebs, but I'd rather come inside it." Roy said. "Very funny." Kathy replied. "So where's Noaster with the tapes?" Janice asked. "He's not back from dinner yet, I don't think." Kathy answered. "Hey Thinki. Thinki." Walt said. "Yeah?" "Is this the one with that Dennis Accident guy?" "I... I think so. I think it's in the next one or the one after that." "Come on Hamilton," Roy said, "get your Johnny Pitch straight. There'll be a quiz later." "No Roy, look. This Dennis Accident is really excellent." Walt said. "He's like this living car accident. Like, there was a head-on collision between a van and a station wagon, and one of the people on board was a powerful psychic, and he was able to animate the wreckage and the bodies, so he's like this huge giant guy that shambles around with these dead people inside him and stuff. It's really cool." -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----