|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- IRREGULAR SHIRT--CUP 2--"THE DORM ODOR IDENTIFICATION KIT" <-------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  Irregular Shirt  ||  -------> (Cup SRis002, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = "Now THAT I could get into." Roy said. "No one said you were invited to watch." Kathy responded. "Uh oh, I'll have to go back to my room and put on my totally pathetic loser costume to gain admittance." Roy said. "I thought that's what you wore all the time." Kathy said. "Only in front of you, so you aren't suddenly struck with irresistible lust and rip your clothes off and molest me from seeing my true irresistible self." "That'll be the day." Kathy said. "That's right." Roy said. "It'll be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday..." "Ha! Dream on!" Kathy said. "Ouch! The queen of comebacks strikes a lethal blow." Roy said. "You better be careful Roy, you'll use up all your radio material." Janice said. "That's why I'm keeping quiet, to preserve my comedy reserves." Walt said. "I liked what you did last week." Thinki said, turning to Walt and Roy. "Ha ha. What was it. 'Introducing the greatest discovery of all time for miffed and bewildered college students, The Dorm Odor Identification Kit. Yes, for only $19.99 you too can identify all those mysterious and noisome fragrances which permeate your college life. For example, say you're visiting the Jogsop Hall basement and..." "What are you, a frickin' tape recorder, Hamilton? Why is it that only total geeks have photographic memories?" Roy asked. "I have a photographic memory." Janice said. "No Janice, you have photographic MAMMARIES. You have to learn the difference, see." Roy said. "Wouldn't you like to photograph 'em." Janice said. "Huh? What'd you say? Yes, of course I'd like to snatch a few snapshots of your lascivious pink orbs. What a silly question." Roy said. "Well you know what they say, ask a silly question, get a mindless, sexist answer." Janice said. "Ouch." Roy said. "You know, you'd be a lot more attractive and more funny if you were more low key like Walt--and less of a blowhard, preening, testosterone bully." Kathy said. "But the sad fact is that you'd wind in bed with him long before you'd ever go for me." Walt said. "Well, um, I..." Kathy stumbled. "See, at least Walt knows the way it is." Roy stated. "The personality has very little to do with it. It's the looks alone which make up 90% of an attraction." "Yeah, and..." Walt began. "Walt's not that bad looking." Kathy said. "No, but I'M not bad looking at all." Roy said. Doug picked up Thinki's thick eyeglasses and put them on. "On the other hand, I'm REAL bad looking." Doug said, staring through the glasses in an exaggerated way. "Hey give those back!" Thinki yelled, flailing his arms toward Doug. Doug held up his arms in defense. "Okay! Okay! Chill out." Doug said as he gave Thinki the glasses back. "You know, I could never figure out why they refer to glasses in the plural." Walt said. "I mean it's just one object. It's like, is every object with two parts considered plural?" "You know Walt," Roy said. "I hope you're not practicing material for the radio, cuz you're really grasping for straws here." "Oh don't blame me. I'm still a bit tipsy from that glass of soy sauce I drank at dinner." "You really drank a glass of soy sauce? I thought you were just kidding about that." Kathy said. "Well, he drank about a third of a glass, but that's still pretty good. I guess." Doug said. "Oh great, go ahead and cut me down in front of the ladies." Walt said. "Oh yeah." Janice said. "I would have jumped right in the sack with you Walt, if only you'd drank a full glass." "Hey, maybe I was just practicing." Walt said. "What's your blood pressure now, like five over a googolplex or something?" Doug asked. "See Walt, now that's funny. You better watch out or I'll replace you with Brine." Roy said. "Oh yeah, like you have the right to replace me." "If you use that line on the radio you better give me credit." Doug said. "Yeah I'll give you credit--I won't play the tapes of that wet dream of yours we recorded." Roy said. "Duh." Doug said. "Like you really did that." "Just watch yourself or you might find out." Roy said. "Duh." Doug said. -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----