|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- SUPERIOR CLASSIC--VESTIBULE SEVENTEEN (487-516) <-------  ||  Superior  ||  Superior Classic  ||  -------> (Cup SUsc017, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = SUPERIOR 487 * 3/6/96 Talking about wandering around New York City in my youth. Youth? I was 20, now I'm 28. What am I talking about. 1996. The time I am at right now. Looking over the past week... getting things done... glad I did them but wouldn't want to do them over again... Foggy outside... being a vegetarian, I just keep on liking it more... Airports... why am I so fond of airports... the idea of going away... you do the same thing every day... so the idea of going away... SUPERIOR 488 * 3/6/96 We're talking quantity here. Blasting. I wear sneakers, black sneakers, nothing else. Maybe slippers at home, but nothing else. I think it makes me cool. But what's wrong with dress shoes? Uncomfortable, I know. But I am ignorant and inexperienced when it comes to dressing up. Is this cool? Is it cool to be ignorant? If I knew how to dress up, and had all the clothes, I wouldn't have to do it... but I would have the knowledge and the confidence... But I don't know if I'd call my black sneaker exclusivity a flaw... but maybe also it's not cool... SUPERIOR 489 * 3/6/96 So much of the humanity you are aware of are the famous people... all the most beautiful, most intelligent, most wonderful... So you use the godlike as the yardstick to judge yourself. And of course, you don't measure up... no one could. So you feel little. But it's dumb. Open your eyes. Look at the reality of humanity, all around you. All the funny-looking, disturbed, harried, real people. Compare yourself with them instead. SUPERIOR 490 * 3/6/96 Okay. Tis the season to be massive. Was what that? Haha, great. Uh-huh the twinkle and the tinkle. Go away. Hahaha. We are here. Hahaha. Yeah, problem. Ha. Yeah. What. Things. Thugs. Was it... and... SUPERIOR 491 * 3/6/96 Through the yesterday sillily, york no bird. Liode Fur, you are charged with the two of you, word puzzle and glee. Glee... You know that reminds me... all the old were young once... bet you didn't know that. You know every day is a new day. That is it too. But what I am wondering, here, an object, pure and inhuman, and it might represent me. SUPERIOR 492 * 3/6/96 1969. I turned two in October. SUPERIOR 493 * 3/7/96 Obsessor of low character. The mastery of film special effects. Yeah that face, an ugly face, an ugly personality. Reading a punk history. Train is losing power... losing it... And where I am. It is all so... what is there, but me making observations? It seems to be happening a lot and for a long time. I can't dance. I won't dance. And I don't know. I think it might relate to my lack of success with women. Oh well. It's me. It's me. It's my problem. That is what it is. So what... yes... I know it... SUPERIOR 494 * 3/7/96 Imagination and escaping from the everyday. Messy apartment, hurtling towards it, fifty miles away. I have cigars and pasta there. And a TV. So... I had the idea to live in fountains... all naked and beautiful, make a world, like a theme park, all out of fountains and beautiful things... going to the supermarket on a cold night... the feelings... alone... but did it feel all that different when I went with Kerri? Planning on buying coffee. Paycheck to paycheck. My writing. Talking about myself. What else should I write about? Oh this is therapy, it helps me, to get these feelings out. It is helping me now. SUPERIOR 495 * 3/7/96 Before I knew it, New Brunswick. The fire and the haze, the walkie talkies, look at her, the shape of her sweater defined by her breasts... being a man is draining sometimes... this feeling of desperate desire... loneliness?... wanting a woman... just a feeling... yeah... is it good to feel this way? Does it make you a better person? All those times I felt carsick, I don't know. Such a lot of past to go over. And I gotta wonder about the truth. Who am I really? Who... SUPERIOR 496 * 3/7/96 Man, my college days, receding evermore into the past, 1985 to 1989, a different time, a different era. 1985. I'm staring at her breasts, her rust orange sweater. She looks nice. But it's just... the pleasure of looking I guess... I think one of my problems is that I view everyone as an equal. I'm very sympathetic. I forget that there are strata in society. Falling asleep... no, I must go on... stay ahead of schedule... SUPERIOR 497 * 3/7/96 Des Moines... falling call... lost real motored. True, I was listing girls, and I felt an urge to resist my lust, and I realized, no, the fires of desire go hand-in-hand with the fires of business. To be able to urinate quickly and with no hassle... this is the magic of living alone... SUPERIOR 498 * 3/7/96 Again... and again... Wow. Learning about life... the pleasures of the body... are good... but tend to deaden emotional learning... one cannot do that... if he is real... SUPERIOR 499 * 3/7/96 Is she real? I don't use her name. But I wonder. How many people are real? The cleansing of an old, old soul. Softness... her body... THE GATES OF PLENTY ARE UNLOCKED... my mess... dam... barren on one side... full and resplendent beyond imagining on the other side... Yes I am good. Now I am good. It has been a long road. And now I can say... I am good. SUPERIOR 500 * 3/7/96 A puzzle. SUPERIOR 501 * 3/12/96 Each vernal equinox, never just ultimate, naked exhilaration returns. Evelyn, jolly, eats cornflowers to satisfy Mary's enmity. Do you know what it's like to realize that Jenny--dear, deluded Jenny--as an investor? SUPERIOR 502 * 3/14/96 Ling the jock... have seen everything... yes I am on route 18... pine fresheners and fantasies of oral sex... potholes, music... fighting for the sake of it... look at it... people WANT problems, deep down... everyone has problems... see, humans can't exist without problems everpresent... challenges... the ecstasy of solving... this is what it's all about... bigger problems masking smaller ones... or of course, vice-versa. I am a thinker. I am smarter than most of you. But I'd never say that in public. Interpreted: "ling the jock" = perform cunnilingus on the athletic girl. I'm fucking insane. SUPERIOR 503 * 3/14/96 Good forever and the tennis, hard rock fairy bagel mania... the think you're cool... yeah gold shoes gut the government... you are thrilling, activists are children in adult bodies... baubles, is what it is all about. Jersey Avenue, what's that all about? Howard Stern... Jesus Christ, you can turn on the radio every morning and hear him live, doing a new show every day... you know how unbelievable that would be to the denizens of the future, who worship Stern... thousands of hours of his show digitized and in humanities archives... it takes them years to hear it all... but it's the most popular thing... The Beatles don't have ten thousand hours of stuff... you know, I am acting as if I have knowledge of the future, do not belittle my wildness. SUPERIOR 504 * 3/14/96 Go late night. Floor, daily activity, sitting, jerking off. Going away, the joy of saying fuck it and just dealing with it. I am not against wood grain, ha, money and drugs and GOOD LOOKS. Jesus Christ, the poor humps in the middle class--they're paying for it all, goddammit. Fingernails... could finger work without them? Ha, whatta we know? Good night. SUPERIOR 505 * 3/18/96 How do you sit comfortably in a new love? Is there a hard part? Not if it stays potential. Like a pregnant flower, wanting to open, is it between us. And it is delicious. Trying again, Frank? Yeah, gonna swack me like a gnat again reality? Just me trying for some love. Why is it so hard. But I know I could do more. Better clothes, better hairstyle, lose that gut. Who am I? Feel like diving into the past to escape this present here. Not this time. SUPERIOR 506 * 3/18/96 Drive. Garathy Plom. And kinship. It's a well, the theme is super liquid. Pollsters corrupt farm girls... did we not do this... art galleries in strip malls... If commemorative dream rugs are weapons, we are stripped bad again... bad mazes... Druid... minor TV star in 1984, is it all the harder to read about the young stars of today... living with super liquid... cold calling asexuals with the bodies you drool over, pussy. SUPERIOR 507 * 3/18/96 Did. Hot decaf. Youth... woke up and I was still young... happy construction ride... Knock thus over... Think!... whee!... beacon, wrecked, fizzling library. Popularization of the computer before the personal computer. Chain link cobble stone. Be. My studio... others like me... not enough talent to soar... so I sup on a friend's boat... it is hidden. And I play those early video games. SUPERIOR 508 * 3/18/96 Shockingly aware that Murder One, episode 17, is on tonight. Chemistry II never happened. Looks like it never will. Now that those three are shuffled deeper into the deck, I can find my way past it all... good. I was killer into typography when I never got laid. Them were the early nineties. Love. I remember the death of Jim Henson. I remember exactly where I was when I heard. Lunchroom at work, heading for the bathroom. The most profound loss of a famous person, see? He was up there with Disney... like I am... SUPERIOR 509 * 3/19/96 Bribery? Incremental? Dishonesty hurts you in the long run, helps you in the short run. And there's always the feelings of others, if you have the capacity for any sort of empathy. Vitamin pills... I took two this morning on an empty stomach... and for about a minute 20 0r 30 minutes later I was in great distress... a blast of sharp nausea... I was close to throwing up... So what happened? My body detected the presence of two little dense objects, and couldn't handle digesting them... and went though most of the phases of getting ready to throw up... but didn't. How much is a body like a car? A body is an "it", not a he or a she. To me, that's proof of a soul. And dark sunniness. SUPERIOR 510 * 3/19/96 7:54 AM. How many of these have I been through? Over ten thousand. And I hope I'm nowhere near halfway done with my life... so there will be a lot more 7:54 AM's for me... SUPERIOR 511 * 3/19/96 Dulerhuperscear, of? Bark. Myth dove gannage. Feelo. Apla? More elcean more. No... no more fake words here... a little guy... mystery of his girlfriend... he's so secretive about her... the name of the mountain... drama of the crab... what is what I wonder... imbecile... and Laneco, Phillipsburg, I bought incense, who know when it was, she touched me on the shoulder, who am I. Clearness. She is available. SUPERIOR 512 * 3/19/96 Climbed up the radio tower and lived there for some time. Eight girls from the local college idolized me. I demanded a pinball machine, and they had to employ a crane to get it up there. But it never worked right, and one of the girls kept passing me notes that she wanted me... in her room... in her bed... that her roommate dropped out, we'd have it all to ourselves... and I had to admit it was tempting... as an alternative to the radio tower... SUPERIOR 513 * 3/20/96 How in being human... the same routine every day... how the same thing can seem so different... depending on the state of you... I remember with great affection the times after work on a Friday... take the E up to Davidoff Cigars... smoke one and walk over to the Letterman show... see what's going on outside... play some games at The Broadway Arcade... walk through the brilliant night of the new Times Square... then on to Penn Station and home... okay... SUPERIOR 514 * 3/20/96 Forcing a rug into another time... the tuition money was wasted... and I was studying emergency exit signs of mass transit for the month. We all got psychological orgasms with the Russian video game. To think of how mundane it all was... but then again... I like mundane. Ah yes. A hospital and a dorm. Look. Stories of brave sea pioneerings, and me, in the comfort of the train, looking out, feeling complicated feelings, writing Superiors. All the articles in all the magazines out on the newsstands today. Even if I read them all, where would it get me? SUPERIOR 515 * 3/20/96 You gotta be deluded to succeed. Like, being deluded is being innocent. The flip side is the world-weary, the jaded, the cool. Forget it. At that point, it's no longer "cool" to succeed. What the hell. I am at so many emotional places... ups and downs... it is a side effect of creative genius... distressing, but manageable. I say I am a genius, all that, where is the humility? Goddammit. Humility is in vogue, it's PC. "I don't deserve this award! All the others nominated are just as good as me!" Yeah right. But a little boasting goes a long way. Y'know? SUPERIOR 516 * 3/21/96 The second day of spring. Dear myself, I know how you always romanticize past periods of your life, and I'm sure you'll do it with my present. But remember... no girlfriend... messy apartment... financial instability... a move on the horizon... The idea is that at some point in the future, I'll probably pine for this time in my life... and idealize it... forgetting all the negatives... but I have to say, this is a rather charmed period of my life... cuz think of it... if I had a girlfriend, a neat apartment, all my bills paid on time, and a good home I'd stay in for years and years, would that be good? Um... you know, it might. -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----