|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- SUPERIOR CLASSIC--VESTIBULE EIGHTEEN (517-546) <-------  ||  Superior  ||  Superior Classic  ||  -------> (Cup SUsc018, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = SUPERIOR 517 * 4/1/96 Fear, Jolly, Whale, Come, Jagged, Monster, Detergent, Hair, Predator, Clock, More, Feel, President, Ruler, Charge, Devil, Daisy, Mean, Mustard, Growl, Door, Storage, Cassette, The, Junction, Rock, Jungle, Opera, Palindrome, Score, Dial, Poor, Playboy, Luck, Jingle, Eastern, Arizona, Canada, Rent, Play, Dome, Sherbert, Licorice, Tame, Jaw, Beaver, Crawfish, Lobster, Rapids, Waterfall, Bridge, Raven, Dentist, Amble, Coarse, Judge, Butt, Screw. SUPERIOR 518 * 4/1/96 I think I am experiencing real love, and it is as painful as it is pleasurable. Things happening. Falling in love. I haven't felt this way... for a long time... What a wonderful thing to feel... such proof of humanity... just to feel it, just to be the one experiencing it... I wonder, here, if she is feeling it... a nimble new euphoria to tantalize eternity, reality and mystery of stars... SUPERIOR 519 * 4/17/96 Jam on the brakes, you stop inches from the other car. I was in love? I jammed on the brakes, I managed to stop before smashing into her. Nothing gained, nothing lost. When you brake, you have to start moving again sometime. That is the time I was into. SUPERIOR 520 * 4/17/96 We both needed it, and we did it. But it was over a long time ago, and I got no happiness from it. When you live with a contradiction, you pay the price. Finally finished Atlas Shrugged yesterday. Got rid of a lot of junk on Sunday. Getting a new apartment in a month. Forgot my broken umbrella on the train last night, didn't try to retrieve it. Looks like I'm moving forward, dropping ballast, growing up, on the train, but soon I'll probably be on a bus. SUPERIOR 521 * 4/30/96 The way I manage my appearance and my desire for a hot girlfriends do not synch. There is a contradiction, an internal lie going on. I could make myself look better... and for god's sake, my unkempt hair, old, dirty clothes, stubble, and generally pathetic appearance IS the main reason I'm finding no love. It seems so simple... but it's a fact that I have shrugged off for a long time... so the answer is simple... I have to manage my appearance better... I have to get over the mental block preventing me from doing this... and maybe I need help... SUPERIOR 522 * 4/30/96 Inner conflict, ya hear it all the time. Late for work, knowing that deep down you're smiling. Bookstores of youth, science fiction and occult. Questing... wandering... even seeking in supermarkets, a spiritual mission... other things on hold, not as important... look at people in cults and new age type programs... a month or two into it, they think they have found the answer, they can't believe that they went through so much trouble in their lives, because the answer was so simple. They smile and look at the unenlightened with bittersweet condescension. While they themselves, a few months later, are back to their problems, the quick fix philosophy having run out of gas, as it had to... and they devote their brainpower to coming up with justifications and evasions... anything to avoid having to say to themselves, "I was wrong." SUPERIOR 523 * 4/30/96 Lyrically, were hotel, crimes of mischief, never get arrested. Torn away from TV, walk to her parents' house through a humid backwoods, what you're there. And you muse on Christmas while your wife is silent, just getting totally trashed and fucking someone else. No way are you ready to pretend, I said, and it was... the Middlesex Mall... spend an hour with your haywire mind... killing time, spending money, avoiding the self. All the malls in a day... what an idea... but is it possible? To hit all the malls of New Jersey in a single day? SUPERIOR 524 * 4/30/96 All the malls of New Jersey I can think of... Woodbridge Center, Menlo Park Mall, Princeton Marketfair, Quakerbridge Mall, Bridgewater Commons, Rockaway Townsquare, Livingston Mall, Short Hills Mall, Echelon Mall, Phillipsburg Mall, Cherry Hill Mall, Paramus Park Mall, Garden State Plaza, Bergen Mall, Riverside Square, Brunswick Square, Headquarters Plaza, (Flemington), (Brick?)... SUPERIOR 525 * 4/30/96 There it is and there is a mussed-up honey for me. SUPERIOR 526 * 4/30/96 Wherefore art thou, Conductor Girl? Yellow soap with teeth. Your own, finally, your own personal waterfall in your room. Does wonder for the air, for the health. Rivers, creeks, waterfalls, all kinds of moving water... it has become THE trend of the 2030's. I read all the magazines about it. "Faller" is the one I like best. Haha, sitting here in my cubicle at the video game company in 1982, I read the May 2034 issue of "Faller". I haven't gotten laid in over eight months, but I feel like the coolest being in the universe... just casually reading a magazine, anachronistic, and gained through time travel. The thrill of feeling that a time enforcement agent will step out of the wall at any moment and yank the damn thing out of my hands. Wherefore art thou, Conductor Girl? I know I can get more. Me and my friends... we figured it out, it's... we can't go there ourselves, but there is a device in the future... a manufacturing device... and it is unknowably complex, and sending things back in time is one of its functions, Conductor Girl. SUPERIOR 527 * 5/6/96 Cool people don't care about crops, hold farmers in disdain, but love to eat. People joke themselves--they get sickened by slaughterhouse footage on TV, yet consume ever more meat. "I try to avoid thinking where it comes from." That's probably why I became a vegetarian--to end the self-deceit of pretending to forget where it comes from. If you CAN face the fact that meat is animals who are killed just so that we can feed on their flesh--then by all means, eat meat. I'm not against meat in general, just for myself. But I AM against hiding the truth from oneself. SUPERIOR 528 * 5/7/96 When there is, she is, let's start all over. About me, I have a bad attitude, or a bad strategy about it. Vague memories of afternoon sci-fi movies. Second guessing is the pits. But there's a fine line I define then. Love on the Internet. About it. No more, nothing more to decide. I have a vision, and it enables you to be other people, and it lets you cut loose, and when you get used to it, it's over with, if you can see. Amusement parks and waiting for calls. Pride as deadly sin, but without pride, you'd just keep calling, every half-hour, till the end of the day. I'm not saying it's bad to fall way down, I don't know it, but I am saying, a distant smell of wine, sometimes you are never going to wind up on top, and then why not just jettison the whole package of the situation. SUPERIOR 529 * 5/7/96 Thinking about adult, the ideal. Calling boating, golfing, travel, being rich, gambling, being skilled, good facade, it seems like an ideal. But what it is? Abandon a train of thought. Tired and driving to a dozen strip malls, loving the mundane, a day without a center of gravity. Here are bad words. I am in a bad place. Go away, game. Him, that would be me, standing far away, and it is fizzling. Here I am, knowing it's bad, and I am stalwart and I decide to finish it. The robots got us the drugs, it was just funny. SUPERIOR 530 * 5/8/96 Kiev is a place, right? Went to home of gods yesterday. An immigrant has gourds. Couldn't quite hear what they said about the vice president. Please murmur, rocker cascade. Managed a singing family and got nothing but abuse. Here is the useless interpretation, no other Superior are like this. Kiev came to mind. I think it's in Soviet Georgia, so I thought of Georgia the state, where the Olympics are gonna be this year. Olympics, Olympus--home of the gods. Asgard is the home of the Norse gods--"has gourds"--and Led Zeppelin's "The Immigrant Song" tells of Norsemen and gods and stuff. A line in the song says "whispered tales of gore"... hence the silly next line about Al Gore. His wife Tipper was (is?) head of the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Council or something. So the next sentence has the initials PMRC. Rocker Cascade (just a poetic construct), sounds like Reuben Kincaid, manager of The Partridge Family, hence the last sentence of the that part. As I said, this is NOT the structure of other Superiors. It's just something stupid. I don't know--I'm not doin' too good with the Superiors these days. So I guess I'm resorting to self-reference to try and buoy my ratings. As in, if there were Nielsen-like ratings for Superiors. As I said, I'm not doin' too good these days. SUPERIOR 531 * 5/13/96 Where you become PART of the game, the woman sitting next to you smells like static electricity, mud and bad stores. Sang the wham and trying coal for the first time... the freeze is Judith and Missy, and... corporations are seen as evil by immature weirdoes, let us go to the rock, in, in, I know I have a boyfriend and I know you lust after me but that is that and we should go. And we should go and there you go. SUPERIOR 532 * 5/13/96 Fun, I said, for fun I would climb, I said, I would join the secret agents in their deserted base, babe. And cool hats. Fascination by the near-moronic, taking drugs and being like a fountain, by it, sitting on it, but unable to distinguish myself from it. Pieces of a shattered glass... our lives are all like that... nothing left to do but clean up... nothing to do, nothing means anything... means everything... even contradictions fall on deaf minds these days... and to be in a supermarket! Mannikins who use all their energy to build a fake reality, to tell themselves that everything is alright, when everything is falling apart around them. And... and they say it's ME who has a problem, that it's my OWN mental problems that's making me perceive the world like this, that they're just so "FINE", and I'm like, what, a "NUT" or something. But they are all brainwashed. I see the truth. I see the real way thing are. Why me? Why am I, of all people, blessed to be aware of the truth? Maybe that doesn't make much sense. But to admit I'm wrong would be tantamount to suicide of the ego. SUPERIOR 533 * 5/13/96 I am someone who has many fantasies. I have a very vivid imagination. I see people and I imagine doing things with them. Part two. I have this thing about the woodland and young people, and being young, and having fun. We say "frolick, youngsters!" With a suggestion of the spice of magic and the occult, of course sex, and maybe a little computer science as well. Intelligence. That is the key to it all, and the inability to deal with the society you've been dealt. The third. Interacting with people--you commute to New York, you go along with millions, you are all in the same space, but people rarely interact. All the beautiful women! So THERE, but so out-of-reach. And I wonder what it was like in this city 100 years ago. The same thing, always sex and sex and sex more. But I don't know. Sex is such a versatile paintbrush. Suggestions of it, subconscious awarenesses of it, promises of it, etc. all are the true spice of life on earth. And that is all. SUPERIOR 534 * 5/13/96 Here is the problem, when you are old you are not young. That is not a good sentence. You are where you do not want to be, exchange pleasantries with those you hate, and pick berries with a relative just so as not to offend them. People are so crazy underneath, it's amazing people are able to put up such competent facades. I love life. And I want to live it. And I am capable of that. SUPERIOR 535 * 5/13/96 All the time avoiding you. You! You are avoiding YOU, yourself. See the magician, he is competent, he tricks you like you trick you, like you do to get through the day, to not suffer a nervous breakdown or something like that? Forget it. The theme is how people delude themselves, and how to get past it, but the way to get past it is easy, it is to be aware of the deception. All that is needed here is awareness. SUPERIOR 536 * 5/13/96 Not only that, you become PART of the action. Jam in a virtual rock concert, where YOU are the star of the show! Help pilot the starship to fight the aliens. You can do it! Slay the dragon! And behind the scenes, brilliant young adults keep the machines in working order, a tower of working capital, not Babel. If it falls apart, folks will take a loss, but is it worth it? To have the chance to be there at the dawn of the next big thing? I am just thinking, writing down. I am thinking of a city street now. SUPERIOR 537 * 5/13/96 Having fun in the woods, caprice, untethered, intoxicated, magic and freedom. Boys and girls in love with the great big question mark the world around them presents them. But such a state is very hard to achieve, the baggage of too much getting-along in the real world, or something. I was wondering whether those woods, and those mischievous young people could be recreated... digitally... with folks maybe not so young playing the parts... What is there to lose? That is a wonderful vision, and I will pursue this notion. It is another piece of the puzzle that is Obliviana. SUPERIOR 538 * 5/14/96 Bad calligraphy photocopied onto goldenrod paper, folded over, like a little magazine, I know this is your work. Talking about the status of the elves. Fearing dragons. I like you. Your good looks clash with your nerdy interests. Sasha, I hope to bed you down. I am optimistic. We have similar interests, and I'm working on a love spell to grease the wheel. And I think we could send anonymous E-mail to each other on the VAX in fantasy personae, and get to know each other better that way. Plus I have a sword in my dorm room like my character, I know it is against the rules, but rules cannot stand up to my blade! SUPERIOR 539 * 5/14/96 A rainy backwoods, financial tension, but news by cellphone that it's okay, and here I am with you. Little trap door deep in the forest, leads into my luxurious underground hideout, where I can cheat on my wife with you and we can watch any movie. Being allowed to do all this, I think, is God's way of making up for bad things that happened to me in past lives. I fully savor the good things that happen to me, because I know how precious they are. SUPERIOR 540 * 5/14/96 Knowing laughtude and cloudhood, jestingheard. You, little cutie, in my brain, in my brain, the way you look, the pattern of you, into my eye, into my brain, you're in there. Thought about hotels, yeah they're closer to heaven than home. Idea of "too many people". Idea of "thriving". I am unknown, I mean much. The turtle is as he does, the World Turtle, and so I am. SUPERIOR 541 * 5/14/96 Was having jinktude. Ninctude. Nude. Humid dream Broadway, abandoned offices, there with a lover, there with messages to deliver. The way to dress, raw power in engines, New Jersey my darling, how many pieces of ass do you house? Unthoughted. Thought about night clubs and they are no good? Where I have seen. No more betting there are the rambling stairways of nature there. Been... stupid allowance, stupid aspiration, been, cannot, you know, ascending sound, foreign and good, we are totalled, getting you, for more trembling goddesses, the stout and jolly mistake or military. SUPERIOR 542 * 5/14/96 Though you could cut the grass, that would be, you can't pay for it without your own money, we used vocals, your own. Timer Jennifer restart to mail master link, too was fraught in keen bewilderent, Lamp. To lamp, a lamp, by howitzer and lamp. This... SUPERIOR 543 * 5/29/96 True to form, true to form. The time has come to write of experiences. And I will write it. It has come to this today, I said, and rain is such a mirror of emotions it's not funny anymore, or it is winter by the fire, but apartments don't have fires, and it is driving late at night and the song is over and it's a loud commercial. What I said. What I was. What I am. My psychic powers awakening, but I know the dangers. Deep, frightening powers, but I've been through that, and I can deal with that. And it is okay. Crochet, making something, turning yarn into a thing, I think it can work. And I'm drinking wine out of a Carolina Panthers coffee cup from 7-11. And I'm working on it in my mind, the poem I will write for her. SUPERIOR 544 * 6//796 He's a theorist and he can think on his feet. Thought of in shower. Combat with smoke detector. Went ballistic from shower steam, the stupid fuck. Tore the fucker apart. Anger, very agitated lately, like "you really do need a girlfriend, Frankie", like that. You know? Pressure! Stress! Insanity! Y'know? It's big! SUPERIOR 545 * 6/10/96 Turning around, waiting for numbness and chaos, but suddenly it changes, suddenly you're there, bright and amazing, and it was so simple... Events like rapids, some kind of ignition, explosion, rough around the edges, but beyond it all, a kiss, and the feeling that something is working... Then the maze, a puzzle and a task, and it's a breeding ground for darkness, and the big theme, is that the universe is fucking with me, presenting me heaven, just to have the fun of yanking it away... Now, in me, a cautious hope, and a slow removal, of rose-colored sunglasses, to see there is a rhyme and reason to this, but I know it'll be a devil of a road to travel, and worth it. But I was wrong. It was messed-up, but it all seems to be making sense now. Such a multifaceted stairway, all right anyway, no more. SUPERIOR 546 * 6/18/96 Talk... call... communicate... funny... talking to Venus, what was I thinking? Room in the basement... for family games... funny... beers and video games... years later... not my life, thoughts of a previous life? I am big. There is what is just you in through and through and we are back on the road, me and her, the one who is the one who is not going to call me and it's... back to the year... fun and getting... the... big... did I talk about big... ha... doing it again... knowing... just another thing... literature, can it be possible in this state of mind? Gotta shave... going away... the day is here... every day is here... what do you want... there is nothing... stupid to say there is nothing... being there... humanity///all about the strength to face things, lacking that strength you get mental. I am not mental, I am sane, but you might not think so looking at me? It is cool. This is just a time in my mind. It is just... I remember Mike's security job in Pequannock... have some video of it... a guy tried to steal a rock... I am Mr. the ankh the ankh... Logan's Run... playing it in the emotionally disturbed class... the game... great memories... great autobiography stuff... -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----