|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- OSOAWEEK--ISSUE 016--11/10/94 <-------  ||  OsoaWeek  ||  Issues  ||  Book 2  ||  -------> (Cup OWis016, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = [[BEGIN016OW]] [[01016CV]] * * * O S O A W E E K 0 1 6 * * * November 10, 1994 "The weekly ezine of Obliviana Super Occult Amusement!" by Frank Edward Nora INSIDE THIS ISSUE!               Much Infostimulation for you!                                 Pasta Crucifixion Why "real-life vampires" suck.                                      "Newsweek"--cool?                Personal Lakes                             E-Mail from West Virginia      The Lillian Endorphin                                             Presh Park 30/5              Door Time Travel "Seek justice and tons of pleasure, the prison of imagination."                                                             A Cure for Cancer               Donavan the Tricky Clown                                   Hypergod Amnifaoz Kemig Communicators                              Download now! (Permission is granted to make complete, verbatim, digital ASCII copies of this copyrighted ezine for the purpose of free distribution. All other forms of reproduction require written permission from Frank Edward Nora.) OsoaWeek is published weekly by Obliviana Super Occult Amusement * copyright 1994 Frank Edward Nora * originating in New Jersey, USA * Contact: 1-800 OBLIVIANA/obliviana@aol.com/postal: Osoa P.O. Box 60 Iselin, NJ 08830-0060 Character count: 84266 / Line count: 2708 The Table of Contents is at the very end of this file. *OW* [[02016HR]] Hemisinister Review ***TRENDS*** VAMPIRES With the impending release of the film "Interview with the Vampire", I'm seeing stories all over the media about "real-life vampires" and how great the "Goth" underground music scene is and everything. Some of the goons profiled actually profess to regularly drinking their lover's blood! I don't know. I suppose at one level it's fun to pretend, but when you pierce the sh*t out of your body, live in a fantasy world and cut people with razors to drink their blood, there's something wrong with you. Most people can deal with reality--those that can't are pathetic, not cool. ANTI-BARNEY For goodness sake, I know Barney is an annoying character, but all this crap about killing Barney, destroying Barney, sadistic sex with Barney and the like is totally lame. On America Online there's a plethora of anti-Barney games and files--people are actually devoting a lot of time to the subject! Anti-Barney was cool for maybe a little while, but it's way out of hand now. People, let go--let go of the whole Barney thing, for your anti-Barney crap makes you look like a real bunch of turds! FANTASY I'm f*cking tired of it! What began with J.R.R. Tolkien and Dungeons & Dragon has gotten totally out of hand as a genre! Zillions of copycat fantasy RPG's, killions of fantasy role-playing computer games, live-action weekend weirdo retreats, and the friggin' jewel in the crown of all lameness, card game Magic: The Gathering--have made this genre unbearable! Elves, wizards, thieves, dragons, inns, swords, and crystals--so many goddamn crystals! I'm tired of it, there are other genres out there, I can't take it any more--BREAK OUT OF THIS RUT, PEOPLE! ***MAGAZINES*** PREVIEWS Available at many comic book shops, this is a 300+ page "catalog" features all the comic books, games, videos, models, and the like coming out two to three months in the future. Massive infostimulation for $2.00, if you're into comics and related areas, that is. ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY A decent level of infostimulation for $2.50. You'll definitely catch wind of important upcoming entertainment things, and be familiar with the milieu of the week. Some sidebars are really lame and unnecessary, though. WIRED Before Wired, all there was was the unbelievably lame Mondo 2000, which I can't stand. Wired has a lot of good infostimulation on the digital realm, but it seems to be editorially thirtysomething and out-of-it. Still, there are a lot of quick, easy-to-read tidbits, well worth $4.95. NEWSWEEK Attention! This seemingly-dull newsweekly has two really cool sections toward the beginning of each issue--Periscope and Cyberscope. They offer numerous tidbits of infostimulation, which, while brief, are quite filling. Check it out at $2.95. DETAILS Reading this magazine is like chemical warfare with all the cologne and perfume samples in it, but for a mere $2.00, you'll get a good deal of infostimulation. Be warned, however, that editorially, Details is kind of lame, subculture, and fashion-oriented. But in-between all the junk is easily two bucks worth of stuff. EGM2 Um, EGM2 is a monthly magazine from the publishers of EGM (Electronic Gaming Monthly), which comes out two weeks after EGM, supposedly to provide more timely information. But it's kind of weak, and at $4.99, you kind of have to spend $10 a month on EGM's to get all the video game coverage. A decent level of infostimulation, but come on--it's just too much money and too many repulsive ads and too much misinformation. *OW* [[03016ZP]] Zope Today's Episode: SUPERMARKET ZOPE ED APE Hello Zope. How nice to see you here at the supermarket. ZOPE I'm only here to steal and kill. If you don't want one or the other done to you, get the f*ck out of my way. ED APE Now Zope, be a nice shopper. Choose some good food and then go pay for it. ZOPE Raisin bran! Zope hurls a box of raisin bran at Ed Ape, but he ducks out of the way. It hits an unsuspecting shopper in the throat, killing her. ED APE Why do you kill all these poor, innocent people, Zope? ZOPE I wanna kill you--UNDEAD SCALLOP RAY TRICK! Zope zaps a package of fresh scallops with a ray gun, bringing them back to life, and guiding them to cling to Ed Ape. ED APE Hmph! Real mature, Zope. ZOPE Writhe in scallop hell, blasted simian! Someone taps Zope on the shoulder. MANAGER I'm the manager here--I hope you were planning on paying for those scallops and that raisin bran. Zope does not look happy. Cut to store manager, strung up to a bunch of shelves, arms wide, with spaghetti and other assorted pasta stabbed into his eyes, nose, mouth, etc. ZOPE Man! It's been too long since I did a good pasta crucifixion! *OW* [[04016HT]] Halfevil Times HALFEVIL TIMES PERCEPTIONS & PONDERINGS EVER WONDER... ...why they can't make a TV which switches itself to channel 3 when you turn on your VCR? ...whatever happens to all those little plastic tabs you break off cassette tapes? ...why they don't just called swimming pools "personal lakes"? ...why there aren't more government buildings named after polygons? ...why they don't get their money's worth with the Hubble Space Telescope and aim it downwards to take picture of naked ladies? EVER NOTICE... ...that those karate people are too full of themselves? ...that there are more and more of these "generic" foreigners, where you can't even begin to figure out what the hell country they're from? ...that the Republicans did kind of well on Election Day? ...that some of that crap on "60 Minutes" is total poppycock? ...that all these art sissies are giving coffee a bad name? *OW* [[05016LA]] Lord of Obliviana Did you think the letter section was gone forever? Silly you--it's just merged into this feature for the time being! Anyway, the idea of a weekly ezine and e-mail and stuff is that things can be published at the cutting edge, and everything will be very new. Unfortunately, the only letter I've gotten in quite a while has been vegging on my hard drive, since I've been too rushed on the past several issues to edit it down to size. But anyway, it's a darn good letter, and one worth waiting for, from West Virginia no less. And whattaya know--here it is! (((Note--my responses are in triple-parentheses throughout the letter.))) Hey Frank. 10/3/94 9:44 PM Just got your disk and video. Haven't seen the video yet. The disk looks promising. Lots of stuff on it. Cool Zope pic on disk. I will update this text file as impressions are formed. My file readers show your end-of-line or carriage returns or whatever you call them as goddam annoying little squares. Somebody should do something about this. (((The video is "Beublin A. Richardson", which I hope to make available to all of you sometime in the future! The carriage returns are an unfortunate necessity for users of DOS machines--thanks Mr. Gates.))) 9:52 PM I got a charge out of your Modern Sapling paragraph ad-thing or whatever in OsOa2. I'm Almost used to the goddam little squares everywhere. 10:54 PM Good heavens. When did you turn into such a rabid republican conservative type? (((About 3 or 4 years ago.))) 11:00 PM The cursor just turned into a squirmy OH IT'S AWFUL it BIT me I can't DESCRIBE it--unholy little thing with--TEETH--kind of SHINY--so FAST--small but really HUGE at the same time--kind of OW!OW!OUCH!...................... ...........CUBIST PACMAN with breath like...like...crayon crumbs. Excuse me. 11:10 PM Hemisinister Review is killing me. I think you made DisplayWorld up 'cause it sounds way too cool to be real. Pictures, dammit, or the world will know you're lying. Maybe some 150 X 100 GIF files online with OSOA or something. This "plain vaniller ASCII file" stuff is not exactly VISUALLY ENTICING, you know. (((Display World is real, dammit.))) 11:12 PM I don't actually read slowly, but I keep getting phone calls and stuff. 11:20 PM BIG DAMN LAWNMOWER: One of the best Zopes ever. We have to do a Zope collaboration at some distant time. 11:21 PM Friction Enhancer and Superior I read already years ago. Trying to pass old bits off as new, eh? A Cheap stunt. The first time around this stuff was cool, but now it's kinda...old. Revel in your shame. I'm sleepy. Tomorrow I will read Severe Repair, which will probably be my favorite thing in the second OSOAweek. (((I've published a number of small-press publications--with print runs usually of 100 or less. Therefore, only a few people have ever read my existing work. By reorganizing it and presenting it in OsoaWeek, it can be experienced by the multitudes. So I feel no shame--not for that, anyway.))) 6:00 PM Just read Severe Repair in OSOA2. Spectacular, evocative stuff as usual. Also very funny. I will repeat this for the zillionth time: This stuff reads kinda like the work of a young, more twisted Roger Zelazny. Maybe this on-line posting will finally bring some recognition to your prose work. These alternate-worlds adventures have always been the best thing about your various publications. 10:27 PM OSOA 3: I find the concept of DENTA to be absolutely DENTAL. It's not exactly a new idea, but it's cool anyway. I envision it thusly: I wander the virtual realm of Obliviana and enter a featureless grey concrete room. Huddled, quaking in the far corner is a detestable HELLISH IMP, with an utterly revolting combination of characteristics--rigid, shiny, insectoid limbs--a corrugated, crusty torso--a tiny, scrunched-up face of sick, monacled evil, crowned with a little top hat. Yes, it's Mr. Peanut, the famous character used by the Planter's Peanut company to decorate the labels of all those damn jars of peanuts. I loom over Mr. Peanut, menacing him! I snatch him up in my fist! He bellows at me in a raspy, high pitched squeek! He sounds kind of like an AM radio tuned between stations! He raises his disgusting little brittle arms to cover his horrible face! He begs for mercy in an alien tongue, his TRUE language! I CRUSH THE LIFE FROM HIS FILTHY BODY WHILE HE SHRIEKS! I EXAMINE HIS FRAGMENTS! THEY'RE ALL YUCKY! Some kind of weird carapace fragments or something. I look for a paper towel. Yes, DENTA has great potential. 10:49 PM I have lousy work habits and I keep flipping behind the screen of DPaint4 to read more OSOA. I was just reading your severely annoying list of PELTER textures and remembered that you include on the CD some experimental artwork, most of which are over a zillion megs in size, which practically guarantee that the typical home user of PELTER won't be able to load them and view them because most home users don't have a zillion megs of RAM. You must have rendered these large files on the Macs at that job you got fired from for working on PELTER all the time instead of the stuff they wanted you to do. By the way, did I tell you how cool PELTER is? I use it for stuff. 11:03 PM I hope you won't be too offended if I forego all this Canasta business. I don't really need one. HalfEvil Times Lost'n'Found in OSOA3 is genuinely hilarious. Losten Found. Lost And Found. Lost in Found. Lost and Space. Wif special guest star Jonathan Harris. And his buddy Will. They do it you know. But CBS edited out all that after 1967. And Judy with the Robot. And Maureen with most of the aliens. And Penny with Stanley Beemish from the Mister Terrific show. "The Evil Farm"? Do I have that one? 11:37 PM Hey! I've already seen this Severe Repair! Sh*t! But it's one of my favorites, so I won't bitch too much. 10/5/94 12:35 PM Home for lunch. I just had a cool idea for your little O-zine thing. You could say, "Well, DENTAL is not up and running yet, but I'd be interested in hearing of your expectations concerning this wondrous phenomenon-in-developement." For the first DENTAL essay, you could run my god-awful little story about Mr. Peanut that I wrote last night while I was nodding off. I can see it now: legions of new Obliviana adherents trying to out-bullsh*t the other ones by writing tons of worthless crap about about fake DENTAL experiences. Also, it would mean less for you to write. It's 12:40. Back to work for me. 9:34 PM I just read in OSOA4 that DENTAL is a dead concept. Well, piss. (((It's not dead at all--I just changed its name to the cooler, more compact "VIAT".))) Since you're making up all kinds of stories about places in New Jersey, you ought to write about a weird old building in (where else) a New Jersey suburb. In this building would be a whole bunch of dead people and stuff, but they magically wouldn't stink, and you could, like, jump on and crush the heads and bodies of these dead people, and they would flatten out and stuff, then slowly spring back to their original shape like they were never crushed or anything. And there could be next door to this old dead-person building another building in the shape of something giant and whimsical but you could never remember what. ((All of the places in the New Jersey feature are very seriously real.))) Very coolest Zope in OSOA4. 10:22 PM OSOA5: Hey, I saw an Atari Jaguar at some toy store, and the games weren't all that cool. Maybe they'll do better later. Yow! Codingseed movies sound good. But why does everything have to be in Mac format? PC formats like .flc, etc. are more universally accessible and I can convert them to run on my computers. (((I will when I can.))) Your snack reviews are always great reading. They're the perfect substitute for actually eating the damn things. I mean, you can read your reviews of cheap, crappy snacks while eating even cheaper, crappier snacks, and kinda freeload from your sensory narrative 'cause most snack food flavor is just chemical illusion and smells anyway. 10/6/94  8:41 AM I'm in OSOA5 now. I don't remember this particular Severe Repair but it's really great. In this SR, it sounds like you're a closet royalist or a proponent of the caste system or something. The description of Cursive Caxopy's look sounds kinda like Aeon Flux from the first and second seasons of Liquid TV. Here's another New Jersey story for you to pretend is true: There's this place, see, that is reputed to sell the most incredible toys and videogames, and they have stuff that nobody else will ever have, like prototypes and limited edition test-market junk, and the prices are unbelievably low, like maybe everything is 10 cents or something. The place is called EMBLEM'S POOTBRISKET, and it takes you something like four weeks to even find it, and when you do, it's in the middle of a field somewhere all by itself. When you finally go inside, there's nothing at all inside. No shelves. Nothing, except a really crazy-looking old lady wearing one of those f*cked-up novelty barbecue aprons that says in red scrawly letters,"I was looking for something in a watch, nothing cheap like a Timex, but nothing really expensive either, because sometimes I just need to know what time it is, but it's not really that important. So could you--Oh, what's that? I've never seen a watch like that before, can I try it on? Hey this is nice. It sort of pulsates. I really shouldn't spend this much, but I really like this one," and then she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, and you panic, and you try to run out of the place but you can't find the door, and every time you turn around the screaming old lady is about two feet away, then suddenly she stops screaming and says, "I'm sorry, I thought you were somebody else," and you find the door and walk out. How about it, huh? (((I like it.))) You write too much about tea. Tea sucks. You should write only about coffee and beer. (((I'm a wimp. I drink two beers and I'm wasted.))) The coolest thing about all this Obliviana stuff is it's so goddam funny, I mean, this OSOA thing makes me laugh more than any comedy crap on TV, except maybe the new Baby Huey and The Tick cartoons. Have you seen the new Baby Huey cartoons? They have all kinds of cool jokes about maggots and piss and they got the original guy from the 40's to do Huey's voice and he sounds exactly the same even though he must be about a hundred years old now. 7:50 PM I'm into OSOA6 now. Ever Wonder and all that stuff is pretty funny--much funnier than the same features you used to run in ANYTHING BUT MONDAY. You musta got funnier or maybe the absence of the Massotto influence allows Obliviana to flow more freely. Or some such. (((He refers to Mike Massotto, co-publisher of "Anything But Monday"--a nationally-distributed humor comic book which folded after four issues.))) 11:25 PM Just got back and read Severe Repair in OSOA 6 and I will repeat myself here and tell you how brilliant and wonderful this stuff is. SR is really special. I gave up on prose fiction years ago 'cause I had read several thousand SF and fantasy and adventure and every other damn kind of book and I could always guess the ending and got bored. Reading SR is like being about 15 years old again and reading Zelazny for the first time. This property needs to be produced and presented to a wider audience. I'm working my way up to it. I think I'm gonna read part of OSOA 7 now even though I'm kinda tired. I don't think I've seen this EVIL FARM video. Or maybe I have. Who knows. I refuse to believe you actually still play Atari 2600 games. Maybe you just collect them? Huh? (((I play 'em sometimes.))) Hey, if you keep trying to escape Corridor by always doing weirdness, then the weirdness attempts will become your Corridor, and you could only escape your own private Corridor by doing normal stuff, which won't work at all. (((No, Corridor is not shaped by your actions--your actions are shaped by it. Anti-Corridor actions should always work, theoretically.))) This Horoscope is particularly funny. 10/7/94 12:10 AM Whoa. Too wiped out to deal with Severe Repair in OSOA 7. Later. 12:32 PM Home from the day job for lunch. Just read Yellowhaus in OSOA 7. Very good. OSOA8: "Fey Hunting" I guess, would be a good video game, if it comes out only for the Vectwex (the infamous, failed, handheld "baby Vectrex" with the 3-inch screen and five pound battery you strapped to your leg). No, dammit, the crinkled aluminum foil doesn't have LESS surface area after crumplin', if anything it has MORE from the tiny rumples and wrinkles inflicted by the crumplin' process. Fractals, man. Sh*t. (((You're technically correct, but I was implying a strictly 2-D area.))) Uh...who's Dana Plato? (((Playboy, Night Trap, robbing a video store, loser, Different Strokes, etc.))) Hey--I've read these Severe Repairs before, but they seem different now. Did you rewrite these? Maybe it's just me, but this presentation of SR seems more tightly structured and refined, and with parts arranged in a way other than in ANYTHING BUT FOVY or whatever publication these were in before. (((Severe Repair is one big story now, and small modifications have been made, yes.))) You don't have to have a CD-ROM equipped Mac to use Pelter. The newest file systems for PC and Amiga systems read Mac CD's. You could maybe actually sell some Pelters if you said that in your catalog. I use Pelter textures without a Mac, as you know. OSOA 9: Wow. CT. I have always felt that way. This viewpoint, however, dulls ambition. (((CT=Contemporary Terrain, the idea that our modern world of highways, malls, Dunkin Donuts, and the like is a kind of Utopia. And if it's Utopia, why try harder, right? Wrong. It's but a Utopian foundation, upon which to build. Or something like that.))) I thought of a cool way for you to promote OSOA. You could kill a whole bunch of people in a public place somewhere, surrender peacefully, and then continue OSOA online postings from prison. The review of Walt Disney Place is interesting, but it's difficult to relate to 'cause I haven't been to an amusement park for nineteen years and that was f*cking King's Island, which was dead. The only other park I've been to is this incredibly ramshackle hole called Camden Park about fifty miles from here. 20+ years since I've seen it. (((That's a crying shame. You gotta go to Disney World, man!))) OSOA 9's Severe Repair is pretty much as I remember it from FORGE OF MONDAY. Very special stuff. Epic and all that. OSOA 10: Here's a cool fake VIAT experience. You're walking down this really dingy alleyway, and you have on an incredibly powerful suit of battle armor, which is painted orange with a couple of scratches on it where you scraped another suit of armor at the grocery store but nobody saw you so you got away with it. Anyway, you hear a scream and look up and a baby is falling out of a window about 500 floors up. The mother is leaning out screaming "My baby" and similar stuff, and you spring into action, or try to, but the battery in your armor-suit suddenly expires, so you can only grunt and jerk the suit forward a few inches at a time with great effort. As you lurch down the street, the baby hits the pavement like a sack of bloody sh*t and explodes all over the place, spraying what appears to be fifty or sixty gallons of fibrous baby-gut gruel on everything in sight. Realizing you couldn't have saved the brat anyway, you instantly forgive yourself. All right, all right. How do I go about getting a canasta again? I don't wanna look it up. (((Uh, the entire Fonosta concept is currently being renovated--it should be ready soon.))) If you want to, I guess you can post some of this letter as E-Mail in an issue of OSOA. But, don't make me look stupid by butchering my grammar and crap. Sometimes that happened in ABM. Heh. (((I had to cut a lot of stuff out for the sake of space, but hopefully the intent of everything is intact.))) Jeez! Up to OSOA 10 already and you haven't sold one goddam Pelter. That's too bad. It's genuinely useful. (((Tell me about it.))) Just finished Severe Repair in OSOA 10 and it was good. That finishes the OSOA you've sent me. I really enjoy this stuff, but I'm not on line, so could you send OSOA 11 and beyond when convenient? Maybe like every few weeks or something, if it's not a lot of trouble. Severe Repair, one way or another, is certainly destined for greater recognition, and I'd like to keep current. What more can I add? Cool OSOA. Cool Beublin. Especially cool Severe Repair. Keep doing all of it. Keep in touch. Later, Frank** P. Evening of 10/7/94 (((Thanks a lot for your great e-mail. I don't get too much, you know. Issues 11 thru 16 are forthcoming on floppy. Enjoy them, and above all--Get all Obliviana!))) *OW* [[06016NH]] Nihilistica ***LOST CARD*** 1--The Lillian Endorphin 2--Ex-Snowball Tea 3--Heap of Shrieks 4--Rebecca Amy Emma 5--Cursing a Sodium Atom *OW* [[07016CO]] Catalog of Obliviana These days, when you buy a book, magazine, CD, or videotape, you get an artifact which acts as the medium for the information contained within. But as the Digital Superworld develops, more and more of the infostimulation you buy will be pure data--with no physical side, no artifact. In fact, OsoaWeek is such a formless thing--it's pure data. With this in mind, we here at Obliviana Super Occult Amusement feel that artifacts will begin to take on more meaning. And because of this, we have developed a system by which all of the Obliviana Artifacts we release have definite identity--with limited production, each item is numbered, stamped, and personally signed by its creator. The following list contains all the currently available Obliviana Artifacts. To order, send check or money order made out to Frank Edward Nora, or cash (at your own risk), to the address in the Masthead. All prices include postage and handling. Guarantee: Return any Artifact within 30 days of receiving it for a full refund. MINIATURE SUPER OBJECT 1: NON-THORIUM ANTENNA This is a strange little Super Object I developed some time ago as an incentive item to get you to order one of my former magazines. I got no orders, though. Now, there are 40 Non-Thorium Antennas, complete with tiny plastic container and title card. 28 left. OA001. Only $3 each! PERFECT FOVY Fovy was a publication I released fortnightly for five issues last Autumn. Each issue is on one folded-up 11 x 17 sheet of paper, with an awesome 8-Codingseed poster on one side and cool stuff on the other, including two Zope comics per issue! A wonderful collection, bound with a paper band, and only 26 made. 24 left. OA002. Yours for $5! PELTER CD-ROM This is an actual CD-ROM I had pressed over a year ago, and it contains 256 of the coolest clip textures you ever saw! Being for the Macintosh, each image is a 512 pixel by 512 pixel 32-bit color image. As well, each image comes in 6 varieties! These are 32-bit, 8-bit, grayscale, tiled 32-bit, tiled 8-bit, and tiled grayscale. This product never saw commercial release because, (a) I blew all my money just producing it, and (b) I'm too lazy and wary to have anyone else produce it. So! A great bargain, with only 40 copies available. Includes the original color-photocopied cover, and a brand new insert with updated information. Requires Macintosh computer with CD-ROM drive. 38 left. OA003. Only $30 each! READ THIS OR DIE! An awesome collection of Zope comics spanning eight years! Contains twenty sheets of colored paper, with 40 Zope comics in all! Included are "Zope's Resin Conundrum", "Zope's Little Puppet", "Doctor Zope and the Abdomen Ghoul", and loads more! Each set not only has the usual signature, stamp, and number--but an original drawing of Zope as well! All bound together with a big binder clip. A very raw artifact! 20 made, 7 left. OA005. $4 each. *OW* [[08016FE]] Friction Enhancer Friction Enhancer 6: PRESH PARK Presh Park is a fun FE that's pretty easy, since it mostly involves just doing nothing! What you basically do is go to a park and stay still for a certain amount of time, after which you go on to another park. You have to decide on a starting number of minutes, and an increment number of minutes. So for example, if you do Presh Park 60/10, the first park you go to, you'll stay still for 60 minutes, the next 50, after that, 40, and so on. After the sixth park, that Presh Park is accomplished. In terms of staying still, it's not like being stone steady, but rather, standing or sitting in the same place. You can look around, shift your weight around, etc. But you can't read, play Game Boy, do your homework, or anything like that. You should keep your eyes open, look around, and take in the atmosphere. If you're with someone else, you should determine beforehand if you're gonna talk or not while at parks--ideally, there should be no talking, but a talking option is acceptable. As far as what constitutes a distinctive park, it basically has to be a named, recognized park, that would appear on a map that way. Yes, you could do a Presh Park 5/5 and sit in one park for 5 minutes, but you wouldn't get too much out of it. The suggested baseline is Presh Park 30/5. Have Morc! *OW* [[09016AD]] Actuality Destructor ACTUALITY DESTRUCTOR 2 Consider a green car--it looks normal--but when told it belongs to famous rock star, the way you see the green car utterly changes. The object remains unchanged in the physical universe, yet the way you view it changes. Considering the concept AD1, if the way you experience the car changes, the car itself changes, since it is the experience which truly exists, and not the physical universe. Relating this to a doorway, it can be inferred that looking at a doorway in different ways changes the door. Since a doorway is an object which takes you from one place to another, and since it is a thing which can be changed by looking at it in certain ways, I propose that there exists a way to look at a doorway which will cause it to become a time portal, transporting the looker anywhere in time or space. This assumes that the reference of where a doorway leads to is more vulnerable to a weird look than, for example, the physical structure of an object. *OW* [[10016SU]] Superior SUPERIOR 113 Paint your life with such blind flair on a canvas of nothingness. Seek justice and tons of pleasure, the prison of imagination. See the city in a different way than most, apart and aloof, going somewhere. Never understand the value of convention, inside your washing machine spirit. Right now there's so much to stimulate you. SUPERIOR 114 Derla my dear, did they arrive here on chilly skyscraper roof night now? The shocking gang, getting ready for their evening flight, ancient and monstrous. What are you? I thought you were kidding. Vampires and werewolves have nothing on you. I watch you transform and fly away and wonder how I could have ever gone out with you. SUPERIOR 115 How can it walking and the green car inside the mall, night, closed, cold, looking forward to radio, novelty the main attraction life. He is a fool and now I'm walking backwards, back to the train, back to the former knew jobs. A heavyweight is on me so, and a memory is upon me and a year ago it was so and it was Utah also. SUPERIOR 116 The yowch cast nostalgia, flash from past and past lives, paralyze this now doing to be future snaps. Lately I am have been going along and doing, just fine, jester had a lot, now I have some. The yanch of cast, was how I did, and it was riding a motorcycle and it was either time travel or reality shifting, and it was true. Weird overcast sky, and a feeling I can't describe. The burden of such a history is hard to explain. *OW* [[11016DH]] Dehumidifier FOR JOEY 3--"A Cure for Cancer" EXTERIOR--DAY--PARK CHAS and TEDDY sit on the ground in the park. A short montage of people sitting or walking nearby with quick, bemused, confused looks on their faces as they look at CHAS and TEDDY. Shot of CHAS and TEDDY then. CHAS begins to laugh to himself and look around. TEDDY (suddenly smiling for a few moments and then returning to a deadpan expression) What's wrong, Chas? CHAS I was just wondering, Teddy--have you ever seen a pilgrim? TEDDY Yeah sure--well, not in person, but in magazines and movies and things. Everybody has. Why? CHAS (in an exaggerated showmanlike manner) Because... CHAS reaches around in his pockets for several moments, finally pulling a small aspirin tablet from a pocket. CHAS (Cont'd) ...I don't think you've ever seen a pilgrim quite like this! CHAS holds up the pill. TEDDY Like what? CHAS (pointing to the pill and moving it closer to TEDDY) Look... look real close... TEDDY There's a little face on it. CHAS smiles but says nothing. TEDDY (Cont'd) An aspirin with a face. So what? CHAS (pointing at the pill) But look at the expression. TEDDY It looks upset. CHAS And so... TEDDY shakes his head, confused. CHAS (Cont'd) He's a pilgrim. Get it? Pill grim. A grim pill. See? CHAS points at the pill and moves it towards TEDDY again. TEDDY has a mildly pissed-off look on his face. More shots of people going about their business and looking briefly at CHAS and TEDDY. TEDDY Let's go downtown. EXTERIOR--STREET--DAY CHAS and TEDDY are walking down the street. CHAS Well here we are, walking down the street. TEDDY Chas... CHAS What's the matter Teddy? TEDDY I've been... wondering... as to just what's behind all of this. CHAS This? TEDDY (gesturing) This. This street. Those buildings. The sky. The stores. The people. CHAS Oh, you mean the universe. TEDDY I guess. They walk on in silence for a few moments. CHAS Thanks a lot. TEDDY Why? CHAS Now you got me thinking about the same thing. TEDDY Sorry. CHAS Oh, well, no need to be sorry. I mean after all, it is a good question. Just who is in charge of everything? Who makes it all work? TEDDY (shrugging) How're we gonna find out? CHAS Hmmm... that's what I've been trying to figure out. I mean, who could we ask? TEDDY Well, why not go straight to the top? CHAS You mean the President? TEDDY Yeah. Well, not exactly. I mean the Federal Government. They must know what makes things tick. Pause. CHAS But maybe it IS them. TEDDY I was thinking of that--but then I realized that if it was, then they wouldn't have such problems. CHAS Like what? TEDDY You know, inflation, wars, killing--stuff like that. If they controlled the universe, they could just solve all those problems in an instant. CHAS Oh yeah. TEDDY But they still might know. CHAS Yeah--well, here's a post office--that's part of the government--let's go in! TEDDY Okay. INTERIOR--POST OFFICE--DAY CHAS and TEDDY enter the post office and go up to one of the windows. POSTAL WORKER May I help you boys? TEDDY Yeah--we were wondering if you knew--well--if you knew... CHAS ...if you knew who was in control of the universe. POSTAL WORKER Oh that's easy! I control the universe. Why--you need something? CHAS No that's alright. We just wanted to know. Thanks. CHAS and TEDDY begin to walk away, but TEDDY grabs CHAS and stops suddenly. TEDDY Wait a minute Chas--we shouldn't let an opportunity like this go to waste--if she controls the universe, then she can do anything, right? Right? CHAS (in a rather distracted manner, looking around) Mmm hmmm. TEDDY So why don't we ask for something? CHAS Like what? TEDDY Like... like a cure for cancer! CHAS Yeah, that's a good idea. They walk back to the window. TEDDY Excuse me miss. POSTAL WORKER Yeah? TEDDY We changed our minds. We would like something. POSTAL WORKER Oh really? What is it that you want? CHAS (in a serious and dramatic tone) A cure for cancer. Close-up on CHAS' face with a serious expression. POSTAL WORKER One cure for cancer comin' right up. The POSTAL WORKER reaches down and picks up a two liter plastic soda bottle (with no label) with an opaque blue liquid inside. POSTAL WORKER Here ya go, boys. TEDDY accepts the bottle. Both CHAS and TEDDY look at the bottle with awe. POSTAL WORKER (Cont'd) Now get goin'--I got customers! CHAS and TEDDY step lively away from the window. The postal worker yells after them. POSTAL WORKER (Cont'd) And remember--this is our little secret! CHAS and TEDDY exit the post office and walk back out into the street. EXTERIOR--STREET--DAY TEDDY Boy we really got it made now. CHAS You said it! They continue walking, then come to a bench and sit down. CHAS gestures to see the bottle, and TEDDY hands it to him. CHAS holds it up and looks admiringly at the opaque blue liquid within. CHAS Just think how many lives will be saved. TEDDY says nothing, but seems to be deep in thought. Shots of the environment around them. Several moments pass. CHAS (Cont'd) Who shall we sell it to? TEDDY I don't know, but shouldn't we, y'know, test it before we sell it? CHAS Why? TEDDY Well, what if it doesn't work? CHAS Why shouldn't it work? TEDDY Maybe the postal worker pulled a fast one on us. CHAS C'mon Teddy--she wouldn't do a thing like that! She controls the universe--remember? TEDDY That's true. Pause. TEDDY (Cont'd) But I'd still like to test it--just to be sure. CHAS That's fine with me--but where can we find a person with cancer so we can cure them? TEDDY I'm not sure--but I think we know someone who can find us as many cancer patients as we need. CHAS Who might that be, Teddy? TEDDY You know--our friend--Donavan the Tricky Clown--he performs for diseased kids all the time! CHAS Good idea, but where do we find him? TEDDY That's the only problem--I haven't the slightest idea where he is right now. CHAS Hmmm. They sit, in deep thought, for several moments. CHAS Well, if we wait here long enough, he's bound to come walking by eventually. TEDDY Yeah, but that could take days--even weeks--and we don't have the time to spare. CHAS Mmmnmm. Pause. CHAS (Cont'd) We could always go ask Bill, up at the store. TEDDY No way, we don't need to get into that right now. CHAS Gotcha. Pause. CHAS (Cont'd) What about... TEDDY Yeah? CHAS What about a psychic--a fortune teller. TEDDY Y'know Chas, that's not such a bad idea! CHAS Okay--let's go! There's bound to be a psychic around here somewhere! They get up and walk away. EXTERIOR--FORTUNE TELLER'S PLACE--DAY CHAS See Teddy, what'd I tell ya? TEDDY I wonder if anyone's in? CHAS Only one way to find out. CHAS opens the door and steps inside, as does TEDDY. INTERIOR--FORTUNE TELLER'S PLACE--DAY TEDDY Hello? A voice is heard from a back room. It is the psychic, VELBOIPA. VELBOIPA Be out in a minute! CHAS and TEDDY look around at the assortment of occult paraphernalia. TEDDY (holding some obscure object and examining it) Pretty cool, huh? CHAS Yeah! This place is straight out of a Dracula movie! TEDDY chuckles, puts down the object and they both continue looking around. Soon an very attractive young woman in gypsy garb comes into the room through a curtain, fixing her hair and straightening her clothes as if she just got dressed. VELBOIPA May I help you? CHAS and TEDDY just look at her and smile, perhaps ogling her. VELBOIPA (Cont'd) May I help you? TEDDY (distracted) Uh, yeah. We're looking for a friend of ours, and... CHAS (also distracted) And we were... wondering... if you could use your magic powers to, y'know, locate him for us, or something. VELBOIPA Well, that's a bit of a strange request, but perhaps for enough green magic I could... Suddenly someone else comes through the curtain. It is DONAVAN the Tricky Clown, smoking, and still in the process of getting dressed. DONAVAN What's all the commotion out here, darling? VELBOIPA Oh, just two gentlemen who need some... let us say, supernatural assistance. Then DONAVAN sees who it is and starts to laugh a somewhat bizarre and disturbing laugh. DONAVAN Teddy! Chas! Buddies! What a surprise! Ha ha! CHAS See, I told ya, Teddy. TEDDY Donavan! Just the man we were looking for! DONAVAN Well now, let us not be rude. Velboipa, these are my friends Chas and Teddy. Chas and Teddy, this is my girlfriend, Velboipa. VELBOIPA Pleased to meet you. CHAS Likewise. TEDDY Pleased to meet you. All four stand silent for a moment. Then DONAVAN moves forward and holds out his hand to TEDDY, and TEDDY accepts it and shakes his hand, only to jerk away after getting buzzed by a "joy buzzer". As this happens, the clown says... DONAVAN So guys, what's up? TEDDY backs off, in pain. TEDDY Aaaahhhhhhh! Looking at his hand, TEDDY sees a huge smoking burn on the palm off his hand. TEDDY (Cont'd) Very funny, Don. CHAS laughs at TEDDY. DONAVAN pulls out a pack of gum, pulls out a stick, and starts chewing it, then in a gesture he offers it to CHAS. DONAVAN Have some gum? CHAS Don't mind if I do! CHAS takes a stick of gum and begins to chew on it, but almost immediately get a look of disgust on his face as he is moves his hand to his mouth, apparently unable to open his mouth, he begins to make gagging noises as he keeps chewing, and soon all sort of disgusting multicolored gook starts coming out of his mouth uncontrollably, as CHAS has an incredulous look on his face. A huge amount of this stuff keeps coming out, as the shot alters between DONAVAN, VELBOIPA, and TEDDY (who still holds his hand in pain, but is laughing at CHAS). Soon CHAS seems to be spitting the last of it out as DONAVAN goes up to him and slaps him on the back a few times. DONAVAN (smiling crazily) Just some gag gum, chum! VELBOIPA Oh Donny, you and your tricks! CHAS (spitting the last of the gook out) (sarcastically) Extremely amusing, Donavan. TEDDY (smiling and in a teasing manner) "Donny"? DONAVAN backs away from CHAS and looks embarrassed. DONAVAN (again smiling and looking nuts) So she likes to call me Donny! She's just a silly dame! And a magical one at that! DONAVAN sits down. VELBOIPA (motioning to CHAS and TEDDY) Sit down, won't you? VELBOIPA sits down, as do CHAS and TEDDY (CHAS wiping his mouth off and TEDDY rubbing his burn). VELBOIPA (Cont'd) (handing TEDDY a bandage) Here Teddy--a dressing for your burn. TEDDY Thanks, Venbee... what's your name again? VELBOIPA Velboipa. Don't worry, everyone has trouble with it. DONAVAN moves over and puts his arm around her shoulder. DONAVAN Hell! I just call her Boopy! Ha ha ha! CHAS "Velboipa"... is that Dutch? VELBOIPA No, Canadian. CHAS Oh. Pause. TEDDY Well, Donavan--we've been looking for you. VELBOIPA So he's the one you were seeking? TEDDY Yup. VELBOIPA Oh, too bad. I was hoping to swindle you out of a Benji. I'm a little late on the rent. CHAS Ha ha ha! We're going to be millionaires soon enough, so here... CHAS takes $200 out of his pocket and tosses it to VELBOIPA. CHAS (Cont'd) On the house! VELBOIPA takes the money and shoves it into her bra. VELBOIPA Thanks guys, this'll really help. Short pause, and DONAVAN looks back and forth at CHAS and TEDDY and, smiling and nodding his head, in wondering. DONAVAN So! What's up? Whattaya need me to do? What this about us becoming millionaires? CHAS Who said anything about "us"? TEDDY Look--it's a big secret right now, but we need you to... I mean... we need some people with cancer. DONAVAN Ha ha. What the hell would you need one of them for? CHAS Look Don, we can't give you the details right now, but rest assured that you'll be well-rewarded for helping us. DONAVAN Ah, what the hell! No skin off my fake nose! DONAVAN is now hunching over, towards CHAS and TEDDY, in mock secrecy, close up on his face. DONAVAN (Cont'd) (in a low and serious tone of voice) I'm in real close with the cancer ward up at Daflindy General. Do a show there every Tuesday. I can get ya in, no problem. DONAVAN nods shrewdly. EXTERIOR--HOSPITAL--DAY DONAVAN Well, here we are. Just let me just catch a quick hot dog before we go in, and... DONAVAN turns around and there is a huge THUG looking at him with an angry and deranged look on his face. THUG (nodding and cracking his knuckles) OH-kay, buddy. OOOHHHH-kay, buddy. OKAY, buddy. DONAVAN Uhhhh--y... you guys go ahead, it's on the third floor, ya can't miss it. I got some... business... to take care of out here. CHAS and TEDDY walk up the stairs into the hospital, and as they do they hear a loud sound of someone being punched in the face very hard. They both look back and instantly wince and say "ooohhh" in sympathy. Then they enter the hospital. Cut to children's cancer ward. They enter. TEDDY Finally, we can test the... serum. Or the elixir. Or whatever the heck it is. CHAS But aren't there any--I don't know--older patients? I don't feel right using a young child as a guinea pig. TEDDY Oh, alright Mr. Sentimentality let's try in here. They go into the next room. TEDDY (Cont'd) Well? CHAS Yeah, these people look a little better. They walk further into the room, and speak in hushed tones. TEDDY So who should we test? CHAS I don't know, how 'bout that guy over there? TEDDY Fine with me. Let's just get this over with. They walk over to a PATIENT's bed and sit down on it next to the guy, who has all sorts of tubes sticking out of him and looks quite ill. He appears to be asleep. TEDDY shakes him and he stirs, opening his eyes. TEDDY Sir? Can you hear me, sir? PATIENT (straining) Y... y... yes. Wh... who are you? CHAS We're friends. TEDDY Yes, we're friends. CHAS And we were just wondering... TEDDY We were wondering... uh... do you, by any chance, have... cancer? PATIENT Y... yes. I d... do have... cancer. The PATIENT pauses, then coughs. PATIENT (Cont'd) Docs say I d... don't got much longer t.. to live. CHAS Perfect! TEDDY (shoving CHAS) Shut up! CHAS shoves back, leaning onto the PATIENT's legs. CHAS You shut up! The PATIENT winces in pain, and moves to indicate that CHAS is hurting him by leaning on him. PATIENT (somewhat incoherently) G... g... get off! CHAS leans forward, trying to hear what the PATIENT is saying, thusly increasing the pressure on the PATIENT. The PATIENT winces in pain and tries to speak, but cannot. CHAS (looking to TEDDY) What's he saying? Oh sh*t, I hope he's not dying--that's all we need! TEDDY (to CHAS) Get outta here! TEDDY shoves CHAS who then gets off the bed and stands up. TEDDY then leans forward towards the PATIENT. TEDDY Sir? Sir? The PATIENT shudders in pain, and then looks towards TEDDY. TEDDY (Cont'd) We know you're very sick, but we think we have something which might help. TEDDY slowly reaches down and picks up the bottle, then moves it in front of him and presents it to the PATIENT, and then pauses. PATIENT What... what's that? CHAS (leaning down next to the PATIENT, and speaking in a patronizing tone) It's something that will make the hurt go away, and make you... TEDDY ...it's a cure for cancer, sir, and we'd like to have you try it. PATIENT Y... you guys s... serious? A pause--CHAS and TEDDY look at each other with serious and assured expressions, with that "bittersweet irony" look. CHAS We're dead serious sir. CHAS winces. CHAS (Cont'd) I... I mean, we're... we're very, very serious. TEDDY screws the cap off the bottle, and kneels beside the bed. PATIENT (nodding) What the hell. I got nothin' ta lose. TEDDY looks at CHAS as he lifts the bottle to the PATIENT's lips. TEDDY Okay--open wide... TEDDY moves the mouth of the bottle to the PATIENT's lips and begins pouring the opaque blue liquid out. The PATIENT drinks, but then begins to gag and cough and the liquid starts to drip down the PATIENT's chin and splatter everywhere. TEDDY continues, however. TEDDY (Cont'd) Easy now... just a little more... The PATIENT drinks a little more, but the liquid is splattered everywhere. TEDDY brings the bottle away, and the PATIENT coughs and shakes his head. TEDDY (Cont'd) (nodding at CHAS) That should be enough. The PATIENT coughs a few times, then becomes still, and stares ahead with a confused and concerned look on his face. CHAS and TEDDY look at each other. TEDDY gnaws at his lower lip in worry. CHAS gets up and starts pacing. A silence pervades, and shots of the environment, with other PATIENTs, oblivious nurses, etc. The tone is quiet and tense. TEDDY (Cont'd) Sir... sir, how do you feel? The PATIENT turns and looks at TEDDY, a trickle of blood coming out of his nose, his expression now one of horror. He tries to speak, but chokes and gags instead. Then he falls back, and continues to make gagging noises as he starts to shake and shudder. TEDDY backs away. The PATIENT continues in this way, and the scene cuts back and forth between CHAS, TEDDY and the PATIENT, and each time the PATIENT is seen again, more blood is seen--coming out of the eyes, on the arms, on the fingers, and then a gush of blood comes spurting up from his abdomen, as he is now covered in blood and screaming in agony. CHAS and TEDDY look concerned. CHAS Let's get the hell outta here! TEDDY gets up and they both look around for a good exit, and decide on going through the door opposite where they entered, then run down a hall and duck into a bathroom. They stand in the bathroom, huffing and puffing. INTERIOR--BATHROOM--DAY TEDDY Oh god. CHAS Sh*t! TEDDY (looking at bottle) Let's get the hell rid of this! TEDDY then lift the lid of a toilet, pouring the liquid into the toilet. When the bottle is empty, CHAS repeatedly flushes the toilet, in a seeming panic. Then they lean against the sink and wall, in exhaustion. TEDDY looks at the empty bottle he holds and throws it across the bathroom in anger. They are like this for several moments. TEDDY Let's get the hell outta here. TEDDY starts towards the door. CHAS follows. CHAS No, Teddy. We can't just leave without finding out what happened to the poor guy. TEDDY grabs CHAS by the arms and starts to shake him. TEDDY He's dead, Chas! He's totally dead! Admit it! Come on! There's nothing we can do now! Come on! CHAS (after regaining his composure) Okay. Okay. You're right. TEDDY pats CHAS on the shoulder, and they both start walking slowly down the hall, heads bent down, with a sad and numbing tone. Then they come to the door at the other end of the hallway, and when they open it they suddenly see the PATIENT standing there, covered in blood. They both scream and cower back. The PATIENT walks forward! PATIENT (in a healthy, energetic tone) Hey! What's wrong? I feel FAN-tastic! That cure of yours sure works great! Boy, I haven't felt this good in years! CHAS and TEDDY look at each other in shock. PATIENT (Cont'd) Well c'mon guys--come in here. The PATIENT motions for them to come and CHAS and TEDDY follow him through the door and into another room, full of sick children. PATIENT (Cont'd) (sympathetically) These kids are the worst off--haven't got more'n a couple a days left to live, any of 'em. But with that cure of yours, they'll be good as new. The PATIENT addresses the kids. PATIENT (Cont'd) (louder) Hear that kids? You're gonna be cured--and these guys are gonna do it! The PATIENT motions towards CHAS and TEDDY CHAS and TEDDY look at the kids. Then we see the kids looking at CHAS and TEDDY with pleading and pathetic heart-wrenching looks. Scene back to CHAS and TEDDY looking discouraged and upset. The whaa-whaa-wha-whaa-whaaaaaaaaa sound is then heard, along with the sound of a toilet flushing. *OW* [[12016SR]] Severe Repair SEVERE REPAIR 16: "Hypergod Amnifaoz" In the dark, Dolthethmen started to get worried. "Hey Dole," Hasnafter whispered. "Shouldn't we have gotten to the door by now?" "I don't know!" Dolthethmen shot back. "Maybe it's dark outside too!" "Now boys, just have some patience, will you?" Emily said. "We won't see the doors until--now." The group came around a corner of the Noyage Parlour to see outside, oddly lit and abandoned. "Oh this is just great!" Dolthethmen moaned. "It's not right, is it?" Am said. "Don't worry, honey." Hasnafter said to her. The group stopped. "I really did it this time." Dolthethmen muttered. Emily turned to face him. "What?" she asked. Dolthethmen looked right into her beautiful eyes. "I think I screwed up the universe or something." "Why would you think that?" "Because--I just do." "Look folks," Hasnafter said, "I don't know about you, but I'm going out there. Whatever the hell's happened, we have to move forward. You always have to move forward." "Fine." Dolthethmen said, striding in an exaggerated manner to the doors, swinging them open. "Hello?" Prince Ferrajalt said, jumping out of the way of the doors as Dolthethmen swung them open. Dolthethmen looked at Ferrajalt, then at Hate, as the other three came to the threshold. "What happened?" Dolthethmen asked Ferrajalt, looking hard into the Prince's eyes. "Uh," Ferrajalt began, haltingly, "well, something's happened for sure." "Were you in the Parlour here when it happened?" Ledrant Hate asked. "Holy f*ck!" Hasnafter exclaimed, looking at the nearest of the giant streetlights. "Yeah we were in there. Something's happened, for sure." Am said dreamily, also looking up at the lights. Emily looked around and appeared to be in deep concentration. "Do you know anything about all this?" Dolthethmen asked Ferrajalt, and then looked over at Hate. "We have ideas, but nothing concrete." Ferrajalt said. "Is there anyone else in there?" "I don't know. I don't think so." Dolthethmen said. "Okay folks." Hate said, clapping his hands together. "Listen to me. We have a serious problem on our hands. As far as we know, the world as we know it has crashed. It has failed." "What?" Dolthethmen asked loudly. Hate held up his hand. "Just hear me out. A friend of ours predicted that this would happen. We didn't take him seriously, but now, it seems that he was right. The only thing I can think of doing is to try and get to him--he may have some answers." Emily looked up. "Where is this friend of yours?" "As far as we know, he's still back in Derolbam City." Ferrajalt said. "I know it seems like everyone's disappeared, but our friend, Injure Bodoni, was working on a way to protect himself this morning. Maybe it worked, maybe it didn't." "Let's just hope it did." Hate added. "Look who are you people?" Dolthethmen asked. "Well I'm just a regular guy from the area, my name's Ledrant Hate. But him--he's royalty. You can call him Prince Ferrajalt." "Yeah." Ferrajalt said. Hasnafter and Am had their arms around each other's shoulders, staring worriedly up at the nearest streetlight, silent. "Well, we're just regular folks from the area too. My name's Dolthethmen, and this here's Emily. The other two over there..." Dolthethmen noticed what was happening with Hasnafter and Am. "What's their problem?" Dolthethmen asked. "Hey guys--you okay?" Emily asked of the stunned two. "Yeah, we're okay." Hasnafter said blankly. "But willya just look at that thing?" Emily looked up at the streetlamp and then back at Hasnafter. "It's very strange, but then again, we're in a very strange situation." Emily said. "Don't make such a big deal out of it." "Folks--Dolthethmen, Emily, all of you--we have to get to Derolbam City, and we came here by bus--a mode of transportation which doesn't seem to exist anymore." Hate said. "I have a car." Dolthethmen said. "So do I." Emily added. "Great." Ferrajalt said. "So if the cars still exist, and if they still work, and if the roads are still there, and if Derolbam City is still there, we should be okay." "That's a lot of 'ifs'." Emily said. "The whole world is one big 'if' now." Ferrajalt said. Suddenly, Hasnafter and Am began muttering under their breath, as they leaned back against the wall of the Noyage Parlour. The muttering soon turned to wailing. "We're just not interesting enough!" Hasnafter moaned. It was becoming apparent that the two were slowly sinking into the wall. "I always wanted to contribute!" Am yelled. They were getting swallowed up by the wall faster and faster. "He just wants to get rid of us!" Hasnafter wailed. "We can't fight it." Am said. Emily turned to Dolthethmen. "What should we do?" "I don't know." Dolthethmen said, thinking of rushing forward to help his friends, but hesitating. "Hasnafter! What's wrong? Who is it that's trying to get rid of you?" "It's no use, Dole." Hasnafter said, a horrible expression of despair on his face. "We have no place in this strange, exciting new world." "I don't know about you," Ledrant Hate said to the group, "but I think we should just let them go. Just look around--everyone else has disappeared--these two may have just had a little extra time. And everyone's existence may hinge upon us finding Injure and finding a way to set things right." Emily stared at Hate, incredulous. "We can't just let them disappear!" "Wait a minute." Dolthethmen said, holding up his hand. "Am--Ambivale--listen to me! Who is it? Who is trying to get rid of you?" Am looked up at Dolthethmen with the look of a child pouting after a temper tantrum, and with a distant and apathetic voice, said "Someone." Am and Hasnafter were silent and dazed now, more than half sunk into the brick wall. Emily looked around at the others. "Why doesn't someone try and pull them out?" she yelled. Hate looked at the girl, and in an accusing tone, said "Why don't you?" Emily paused, jumped once in frustration and said, "Because, I don't want to get sucked in too!" "Exactly." Ferrajalt said, with a slight snicker and smile. "Just look everybody." Dolthethmen said. "They say that someone is trying to get rid of them. We have to find out who that is!" "Maybe it's Daptin Gone." Ferrajalt said, looking over at Hate. "I have no idea." Hate said. "But look around, people. Please. We're in a real bad situation here. Any moment could be our last. I know they're your friends and not ours--but we need to get going if we have any chance of solving this crisis." "Who is this 'Daptengon'?" Dolthethmen asked. "An old associate of ours who may be involved in this." Hate said. "But we can talk about this on the back up to Derolbam." Dolthethmen sighed. "Fine. Let's get going." Emily looked at Dolthethmen, then back at the two, now more in the wall than not. "No!" Emily yelled. "We can't just leave them. There has to be something we can do! It has to be something like a test! Maybe whoever's doing it is testing our love for our friends!" There was a pregnant pause as the three not-in-the wall fellows looked at Emily. After a few more moments, Emily looked at the three and said, in a terse and inquiring manner, "What?" while flipping her hands up. "Do you really love your friends there?" Ferrajalt asked. "Huh?" Emily said, looking over at Am and Hasnafter, sinking quicker and quicker. "Well, yeah. I do. I mean, I guess I..." "That's it." Dolthethmen said. "It is a test and we fail. I don't have any love for either of those two. Hasnafter is annoying and Am is a dog. I don't give a crap about them. Let them f*cking go!" Emily stood there, looking back and forth, tears beginning to form in her eyes. And almost immediately, Ambivale and Hasnafter were gone. Ledrant Hate waited until he felt it was right to speak. "I know it's a shock to lose your friends, but like I said--look around you. Reality is shot. And just think of all the other people you've probably lost." "You said you guys had a car." Ferrajalt said. "If they're still here, we really have to get going to Derolbam." "Okay, let's go." Dolthethmen said, turning and starting down the street. "They're at the parking lot down here." Emily, openly crying now, followed along as the group began down the cold, scarily-lit street. Soon they came to the parking lot, and found that most of the cars were upside-down. "Uh." Ferrajalt said. "Upside-down cars." "Very observant." Emily said, sniffling and seeking to see if her car was upright or not. It wasn't. "Where's you car?" Ferrajalt asked Dolthethmen. "F*ck!" Emily said. "They got my car!" "Relax." Dolthethmen said from across the lot. "Mine is rightside-up, and it has a full tank of gas, unlike yours, Emily--remember?" "Hmm!" Emily grunted in mock, flirty frustration. "Okay everyone--get it." Dolthethmen said. Soon they were all inside. "Lucky those two dropped out." Ferrajalt said. "They wouldn't have fit." "Have some manners, Prince." Hate said. "If they were your friends you might not be so flip." "Just stating facts." Ferrajalt said. Dolthethmen started the engine, and it sounded fine. "We're on our way." Dolthethmen said. They pulled out of the parking lot and drove up the street, but as they passed the Noyage Parlour, Dolthethmen stopped. "What's wrong?" Emily asked. "Nothing--I just want to check something." Dolthethmen left his car running and got out. He walked up to the doors, opened them, and peered in. Then he entered the building and was lost from sight. "Look, what the hell is he doing?" Ferrajalt asked Emily. "How should I know? He's f*cking nuts." she responded. Soon Dolthethmen reappeared in the entrance area and nodded toward the folks in the cars. The he stepped away again, soon to return, leading Ambivale and Hasnafter by their arms. The two shuffled along like zombies, blank expressions on their faces. Dolthethmen opened the doors and yelled "See! I had a feeling! They went through the wall, and just wound up inside!" "Son of a bitch!" Ferrajalt exclaimed, as he and the others climbed out of the car and ran forward to see what the deal was. "They're okay." Dolthethmen said. "Right Hasnafter?" "Yes. We are okay." Hasnafter said in a very robotic manner. "Am?" Dolthethmen asked. "Yes. We are okay." Ambivale said, in an equally monotone fashion. "Do you want to come with us?" Emily asked, putting her hand on Ambivale's shoulder. "We're going up to Derolbam City to see about fixing all this." "No." Ambivale said. "I would like to stay here." "Has?" Emily asked. "No." Hasnafter said. "I would like to stay here." "Gee Dolthethmen." Ferrajalt said. "You sure it was a good idea to find them?" "Look--" Dolthethmen said. "I want to find out who it is that was behind--uh--behind putting them through that wall and zonking them out like this. Well Hasnafter? Who was it?" "A man who is listening to music. No more." Hasnafter said. "A man who is listening to music. No more." Ambivale said. "Okay, I've had enough of this. Let's get a goddamned move on! Come on!" Hate said. "Okay, okay." Dolthethmen said. "You two sure you'll be okay here? We'll come back for you if we can." "We'll be fine." Hasnafter said, a little less robotically, with an almost-sinister look on his face. "Okay--let's go!" Dolthethmen said, and they were on their way again. * * * "It's not in there. Power zoom 7 carat/Farrafly method. It's not there. I can't jing it! I can't jing it! Former, 14 Relora stance. Go. Go. Possibility phase delay! Go 16 toron. Drip in 5. It's too impossible! Forgetprev dothis." Injure Bodoni muttered to himself, a little furry lady on his shoulder, oblivious to the group of people who'd entered his workshop about a minute earlier. "Hey!" Emily yelled. "Ah! Ah!" Injure screeched, holding his hands to his head in sudden shock, turning. "Injure." Hate said. "How goes it?" "Greetings." said the little creature on Injure's shoulder. She was about a foot-and-a-half tall, wearing a black dress, and seeming to be a cute anthropomorphic fox or cat or something, with yellow-orange fur. "Hi there." Injure said, looking back at his equipment. Hate strode forward and looked to see what Injure was doing. "Looks like you were right." Hate said quietly. Injure heaved a sigh and turned to face the others. "Everybody, I've been working, um, at a steady pace since the collapse, and I have to say that while it's bad--really bad--the fact that any of us are here is a good sign." Injure said. The little creature smiled. "What the hell is that?" Ferrajalt asked, nodding his head toward the furry lady. "My name is Ann Saply. And I'm a WHO, not a WHAT, young royal." "Sorry." Ferrajalt said. "But where exactly did YOU come from?" "This business just sort of shook me out the pepper shaker, so to say." Ann said. "She appeared soon after the collapse." Injure said. "Her signatures indicate fifth-realm/perpendict origins, though of course I can't be sure." "Uh huh." Ferrajalt said, nodding, mocking Injure's not-for-laymen techspeak. Hate looked intently at Injure. "Have you tried to bridge?" Injure gave a look of despair. "Yes." "What happened?" Hate asked. "Well," Injure said with emphasis, "it wasn't pretty." "What do you mean?" Ferrajalt said. Injure looked down at his instruments. "With the collapse, this Earth is no longer suitable for bridges. The b-volume I hanced became terribly unstable, full of lightning and monstrosities. Pretty much what I expected." Injure said, then looking up, "These two--did you locate any more?" "Huh?" Ferrajalt asked. "These people you found--were there any more? Did you see any more?" Injure asked. "Well," Ferrajalt said, "there were two others, but they got really messed up. They looked at those streetlights and got sucked through a wall and were, like, totally stoned out." "Where are they?" Injure asked. "Back at the Noyage Parlour. They were in no shape to travel." Hate said. "Hmm. I was wondering if any non-OA had remainified. Interesting." Inure said. "Huh?" Dolthethmen said. Ann Saply gave him a strange look. Injure looked at Hate, who nodded. "I guess there's no point in keeping this from you." Injure said to Dolthethmen and Emily. "But we are members of Overwhelm Associates--a company which has the ability to travel to thousands of different Earths. I had thought our off-Earth status was what kept us existent--even though most of us here went non--but with Ledrant and you folks, it seems like my theory is wrong." "Who else survived?" Hate asked. "Well, as far as I know, there are four others, all Primate." Injure said. "Who?" Hate asked. "Lemme see--Vike Varmabey and Treyess Arcomany were the only ones left here when it happened. Treyess wasn't even supposed to be here--she was trying to get away from Greatwall until that faery thing blew over." "Who else?" Hate asked. "Well, Nevrippa Den and V Sincein were stuck somewhere, and the other two went to try and find them." "How'd you get in touch with them?" Hate asked. "Oh--kemig communicators still work. At least in the same Earth--we haven't been able to contact Greatwall or anyone else, though." "Yeah, but who carries them around with them?" Ferrajalt asked. "Luckily, V Sincein has one of the portable prototypes, built into his gun. Otherwise, who knows." Injure said. There was an uncomfortable silence, until Hate finally spoke. "Can we reverse this collapse?" Injure sighed. "Short answer? Yes. Long answer? Highly unlikely. Not to get too technical, but every Earth has a complex system of event-whastions. The domino-wave that hit us sent the whole thing way off-kilter. At least, that's my theory. I did see it coming, you know. You remember the weird coincidences that happened in the past few days--like a tsunami, disorder was sucked away briefly as the massive disorder deluge was approaching." "So how could we revive this Earth's system?" Hate asked. Injure smiled in frustration and shook his head. "The right event-whastion could resuscitate part of the system, and if it's the right part, it could set off a chain reaction which would totally on-line this Earth again." "So what the hell does that mean?" Ferrajalt asked. "It means, Prince, that we might be able to make things right by doing something, but we have no idea what that something might be." Injure said. "Oh." Ferrajalt responded. "Okay now wait a minute." Emily burst out. "Why did you say this happened again?" Injure regarded the girl. "I don't know the cause of the domino-wave--it could have been anything. The Unreal 64, another company like ours, has been doing very dangerous things with reality, so it was probably them. I also definitely read the signature of one of our former associates, a guy named Daptin Gone, in the pre-wave ifo-flow. He could have been working for them. I've heard rumors in that regard." "Also," Hate added, "it's well-known that Aconck--our interconnection of Earths--has been tried before, around 500 years ago. They suffered a total collapse as well. And they never recovered." "Okay." Emily said, turning to Dolthethmen. "Okay. Dole, you know what you told us. You said you might have caused all this." Dolthethmen looked down, tears welling up in his eyes. "Let's hear about this!" Injure said in his nerdy manner. * * * Dolthethmen handed the cashier a five-dollar bill and a one-dollar bill. The cashier gave him two quarters and a nickel. Dolthethmen grabbed the coffee and the bag of nacho chips and the magazine and the gum and walked out of the store. He walked out of the store and into the phase of the fuzzy weekday afternoon. His car was gone. No, the car wasn't gone. He was mistaken. He'd parked at a shopping plaza across the highway. Now he had to cross the highway to get back to his car. He looked down at the crap he just bought. He looked across the highway where he could see part of his car from behind a cement partition in the parking lot. The traffic on the highway was getting heavy, and Dolthethmen reckoned that his adroitness would be dampened by the coffee and the chips and the gum and the magazine. So he opted not to cross the highway just yet. Looking to his left and then his right, Dolthethmen went right. Here on this highway, the parking lots of the stores, shopping plazas, gas stations, and movie theaters blended together. So you could walk along from lot to lot. But it was behind the stores and the plazas where it was cool. Because it 's quiet back there, and remote, and abandoned--but someone or some car might appear at any time. Also, there were woods behind this highway's establishments. But Dolthethmen didn't feel like going behind the stores. He wanted to walk down the highway and maybe get to an arcade to play pinball or get to a movie theater to go and see a movie. It was as this walk was in progress that Dolthethmen thought these things: Here is reality. Right now it seems to me that I am walking down the highway. This is a fact, that to me right now I seem to be walking down a highway. That such a fact can exist is heartening. For so much of life is unexplained, and there are so few facts. It is hard to understand what is really going on. But in the scope of what I understand to be going on, there are things which are plain, such as the idea of cars. As I understand it, cars are devices built by people used to go from place to place. But other things in life, such as the progressions of situations, are not so understandable. But, like cars, these unclear phenomena are observable. So through reasoning, some possible explanation can be reached. And, though this explanation may be invalid, if it is a possible explanation, it can serve as the first level of basis in further examination. In this way, at least as a sketchy proposal, reality can begin to be understood. This is the season of my great discontent. I am not responsible for my situation, for in some way I've been thrust into this place and situation. Will 1994 turn to 1936? That's not a good, normal thought. So it was a few nights ago, a stark chilly night under the crisp stars where I waited for that girl but she never showed up. I thought we would go into my car and I'd turn the key but not turn on the engine, so I could turn on the heater and maybe some music so we could make out. But probably we wouldn't have made out. I've not been having much luck with girls lately. But walking down this highway, pretty girls must be passing in cars. Just think--why is a girl driving a car sexier than a girl riding in a car? Well, I guess driving is more aggressive and sexy than riding. Sexual stereotypes really do play a big role in sexual fantasy or desire or whatever. It's almost like, any deviation or variation from the norm of behavior is sexy. No, that's not quite right. Not all behavior--just some. What day is it today? Dolthethmen kept walking down the highway. Up in the next parking lot, by a big video store, he saw a bunch of people standing around, clustered around something. He quickened his pace and got to where they were. These people were watching two young guys fight. They were all bloody and continued belting one another. A really nasty fight. "What's going on here?" Dolthethmen asked a girl watching the altercation. "Dunno. These two guys just started fighting a minute ago, so we're watching." "Shouldn't someone call the police or something?" "Yeah." Pause. "So has anybody called?" "I dunno." "Should I go and call?" "No." "Why not?" "Cause it's fun watching them fight. It really pumps me up, gets me hot, to see two guys fight. I love to see animal rage spill forth onto this dull highway. Primal energies contrast well with the staid hum of the atmosphere of the video stores and arcades. Here, any rage or honest madness is welcome. I see that you are full of that rage, and yet you hold it inside so well. You would never fight as these two do, for you fear the release of your energies upon this world, for it would forfeit your unique position were you to reveal your true self." Dolthethmen was stunned by this girl's words. What she said jibed with quiet thoughts he had been having. That another, especially a desirable female, would even talk to him, let alone say revelatory, almost psychic things, excited him. He responded to her. "How do you know things about me, dear?" "I have to go." With this the girl was off, striding swiftly towards the video store. In the blink of an eye she was in the video store. Dolthethmen turned around and saw that a few more guys had entered the fight, themselves getting bloodied also. But he dismissed the fighters and walked quickly toward the entrance to the video store. As Dolthethmen neared the door, however, he was overcome by resign, and gave up trying to seek this girl. He thought, there's no way I'll catch up with her, and even if I do, nothing will happen between us. I could ask her how she knew stuff about me, but probably she was just speaking metaphorically. Probably, she's just weird. So I must give up and continue on to play pinball or see a movie. Turning, Dolthethmen saw that there were six or eight people now involved in the fight, but he just figured it would end soon, and continued to walk down the highway. He hadn't walked ten feet however, before he felt someone roughly grab the back of his neck. The one holding his neck then roughly spun him around. It was the girl. With her other hand, she grabbed Dolthethmen in the crotch and then roughly pulled his head toward hers and kissed him, her tongue slipping into his mouth. And in that moment, the stunned Dolthethmen felt her tongue first enter the back of his throat and then felt it move up into his brain, snaking its way all about inside his skull, until he lost consciousness. * * * "Um." Dolthethmen said. "I don't know. I guess a lot of stuff happened today. Things kinda got out of hand." "In what way?" Injure asked. "Well, I guess since you were honest, I'll be honest too." Dolthethmen said, looking up at Injure. "I---I think I have powers. Today, what happened was, um, there was this girl who like, assaulted me, y'know, in that way, and it turned out that, y'know, she was basically me in the future. She had come back in time to, whatever, be perverted with her previous self." "What?" Emily asked in shock and amazement. "Yeah." Dolthethmen said. "The thing is, I was able to get away from her and stuff, but what I had to do was, I mean, I had to like make a mental note, that when I got that powerful, you know, having time travel and stuff, I should go back and save myself from her, and really erase the whole event. So that's what I did. But that's probably what attracted her--me--to that time and place. I don't know." "Fascinating!" Injure said. "This is prime stuff!" "Okay, okay." Ferrajalt said. "Forget Bodoni--the scientist in him is taking over. So, uh--Dolthethmen was it?--why do you think you caused this? Because of this time travel junk?" Dolthethmen sighed. "It's not just that. I--it's just that, before..." He looked at Emily. "When I met you at the mall, Emily, I just--I don't know. I had a fantasy about you, about going out with you and stuff. So I, well, I did the same thing--I asked my future self to alter reality so that I could go out with you and stuff." "And stuff?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah." Dolthethmen said, looking down again. "And stuff." "So you think you caused this reality collapse?" Hate asked. "It crossed my mind." Dolthethmen said, looking up at Hate. "No." Injure said. "What I gather from your story, the forces and frames involved, there's no way it could have been you. Although--that all this stuff happened to you today is probably related to the approaching domino-wave. Has this sort of thing happened before, Dolthethmen?" "Yeah. I mean, nowhere near as bad as this, but it has happened before, I mean, a little." "Well," Injure said, "like I said, I'm certain that this phenom-set of yours is an effect of the domino-wave--not its cause. But thank you for offering the information--every little bit helps." "Uh-huh." Dolthethmen said, miserable. Suddenly, a wild beeping and ringing noise was heard. "The central kemig!" Injure yelled. "Hopefully it's V and Nevrippa telling us that Treyess and Vike are there." Injure fiddled with some controls, and an awesome visage appeared on the screen--a bizarre monster in bizarre armor. "Hypergod Amnifaoz here." a frightening voice boomed. "Who's there?" "Uh," Injure stumbled, "this is, uh, OA Consultants, who's this?" "My ID precedes! All channels are dead. What is your twenty?" Hypergod Amnifaoz thundered. Injure looked at the others. "Um--we're on Timber Serious Earth, in Derolbam City. What's your, uh, twenty?" The Hypergod was seen looking around for something. "Not enough information." Amnifaoz said. "Did you experience a disturbance 118 minutes ago?" Injure looked back at the others again, then back at the screen. "Uh, yeah, we did experience something--a reality collapse of some sort." "Filba/fibla! Concurs. Must reconnoiter with Emma. Hold." the monster said, again looking around offscreen. "Who the hell is that?" Ferrajalt asked. "I have no idea!" Injure said. "We never picked up an alien signal on the kemig before!" "End possibility/Emma." Amnifaoz said. "I am utterly lost. Hypergod Word--request FIF, promise to do you no harm, provide help and rewards if asked for. Response?" "Uh, what do you mean?" Inure asked. "Rephrasing, I need permission to Full-Info-Fill to your twenty. I swear to do you no harm, and provide help and material rewards if you so wish. Do you agree?" "I have to confer with my, uh, associates. Give me a minute." "Understood." Injure turned to the group, then to Ann Saply, still on his shoulder. "Ann--you came out of nowhere--you know this guy?" "I don't know him." Ann said, her eyes looking as wise as ever. "But he might prove helpful. I say let him come through." "Well people?" Injure asked. "It's up to you." Hate said. "Okay. I say we let him through." Injure said, then turning to the kemig screen, "Okay, uh, whoever you are. Permission granted to come though." A flash of light and a brief popping sound later, Hypergod Amnifaoz towered before Injure Bodoni. "You have my gratitude." the monster said. "No problem." Injure said. The Hypergod then gazed at Ann Saply and let out what might have been a laugh. "The re-ine of your kind! Twas a fine damagewave hit this realm then!" Ann regarded the beast calmly. "Muttering recruit, get a grip." Ann said. "I thought you said you didn't know this guy?" Injure said. "I don't know him, but his kind I know." Ann said, jumping off of Injure's shoulder and onto a nearby comfy chair. "He's not really one of them. They started taking humans and turning them Hypergod some time ago. But that was infinity years ago." Emily sat down in another of the comfy chairs, holding her hand to her head. "I know this might seem a little lame," she said, "but I'm thinking now that this might be a dream. Why shouldn't I think this is a dream?" "I know this must seem unbelievable to you." Bodoni said. "I mean, you being the only normal person here and all." "The thing is," Emily said. "I'm not all that normal." "What do you mean?" Injure asked. "I mean," Emily said, "that I am Dolthethmen, from the future. I came back to fool around with myself a little. But I never expected any of this. I mean--I AM from the future after all--and none of this ever happened!" *OW* [[13016CN]] Contents BEGIN 01 016 CV--Cover 02 016 HR--Hemisinister Review 03 016 ZP--Zope 04 016 HT--Halfevil Times 05 016 LA--Lord of Obliviana 06 016 NH--Nihilistica 07 016 CO--Catalog of Obliviana 08 016 FE--Friction Enhancer 09 016 AD--Actuality Destructor 10 016 SU--Superior 11 016 DH--Dehumidifier 12 016 SR--Severe Repair 13 016 CN--Contents END *OW* [[END016OW]] -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----