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|| -------- -- ----- A E R I E O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- OSOAWEEK--ISSUE 026--1/19/95 <------- || OsoaWeek || Issues || Book 2 || -------> (Cup OWis026, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = [[BEGIN026OW]] [[01026CV]] * * * O S O A W E E K 0 2 6 * * * January 19, 1995 "The weekly ezine of Obliviana Super Occult Amusement!" by Frank Edward Nora INSIDE THIS ISSUE! More cool stuff than you know. Seven Super Nintendo Cartridges Reviewed! "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"--a killer movie! "Quintet"--a cool movie! Zope's Meteor Shower Follies Kentucky Fried Auk Human Lung Lunchbox "the safety, the glory, the glass factory, the sweet liquid shop" Abaxial Usufruct Primal Scream Encyclopedia Tonite Meeting in Lounge The Aleche Degrasion Enter Red Archer Booze Be cool! Get into the next wave of entertainment before everyone else! Download OsoaWeek026! (Permission is granted to make complete, verbatim, digital ASCII copies of this copyrighted ezine for the purpose of free distribution. All other forms of reproduction require written permission from Frank Edward Nora.) OsoaWeek is published weekly by Obliviana Super Occult Amusement * copyright 1995 Frank Edward Nora * originating in New Jersey, USA * Contact: 1-800 OBLIVIANA/obliviana@aol.com/postal: Osoa P.O. Box 60 Iselin, NJ 08830-0060 Character count: 54529 / Line count: 1559 Catalog of Obliviana & The Table of Contents are at the very end of this file. *OW* [[02026HR]] Hemisinister Review At the beginning of this Quarter, I was planning on doing a feature called "Classictronica", which would also be printed out as a video game newsletter. Well, I never got around to doing this--and I don't know if I'm going to next quarter. So I figure I'll begin doing some video game reviews in Hemisinister! It's amazing--I think these are the FIRST video game reviews ever in OsoaWeek! Huh. ***SUPER NINTENDO CARTRIDGES*** STUNT RACE FX A wonderful, massive, 3-D driving game that delivers in the game play department. There are 12 main race tracks, 4 stunt tracks, 4 2-player tracks, as well as bonus and "radio control" tracks. The learning curve in this game excellent--I got a little better every time I played. And to completing the last level is a grueling, but rewarding task. The only real problem with the game is the 2-player mode, which has two tiny screens and not much challenge. The vehicles do have cartoonish eyes, but I got past that real quick. UNIRACERS A remarkable success! In the traditional of classic video games, Uniracers is simple, addictive, fun, and abstract. It's a side-view, all-way scrolling unicycle race, where you go faster for every stunt you perform. The battery back-up can keep track of 16 different players--and it keeps extensive stats on all of them. There's even a "league" options which allows a group of players to compete against each other. This game uses the same process as Donkey Kong Country for its graphics, and it shows. Get it! SUPER PINBALL--BEHIND THE MASK A cool, laid back, well-implemented 3-D perspective pinball game. It features 3 different board, each of which has essentially the same features. The art, music, and play mechanics are all excellent, and I find myself going back to it over and over again. There have been a lot of bad pinball games recently--thank goodness a decent one has emerged. May not have much appeal for non-pinballers, though. SUPER STREET FIGHTER 2 For the SNES, I got Street Fighter 2, then I had to get Street Fighter 2 Turbo, and then I had to get Super Street Fighter 2. This progression of 3 versions of the same game has taken much of the wind out of Street Fighter's sails--I guess the awful movie (which I refuse to see) has destroyed the rest. There were many rumors that this latest installment would have a code to turn it into Super Street Fighter 2 TURBO, but this never came to pass. So what's left is an excellent game marred by the circumstances surrounding it. But this version finally lets you play in a one-player mode where you decide the opponents after each battle (in VS. mode, press SELECT after the country select screen, and set player 2 to COM--now you can use controller 2 to select player 2's fighter, and have the computer control it). Street Fighter 2 has always been a good game--but if you don' have any of these games, you're probably better off getting a used Turbo cheap than shelling out big bucks for what will hopefully be the last SNES version of SF2. DONKEY KONG COUNTRY This game has excellent graphics, sound, and gameplay--so why does it suck? I think the main reason is that Nintendo claimed that there were over 100 levels--but this is a total lie. In fact, there are only about 33 levels--and 67 "hidden rooms" which are not "levels" by any stretch of the imagination. It took me longer than most people to complete the game--almost 10 hours. But I only got 57%--I had missed numerous hidden rooms--but who gives a crap? These hidden rooms are boring and stupid. I have to admit that I was really into this game for those 10 hours, but it ended way too soon, and now I find the game very dull. So why does it suck? Because it has no replay value, and because Nintendo lied about there being 100 levels. I guess this is a good one to rent. TETRIS 2 A totally different game from the original Tetris, this one is fun and addictive in its own right. The idea is to line up 3 of the same color in a row, to get rid of those 3 blocks. There are a variety of play modes, from one-player to versus to puzzle. Not a bad game, but I would get the new Tetris/Dr. Mario SNES cart before I got this one--the original Tetris is just so much superior to all of its clones. MORTAL KOMBAT 2 Sucks bad. I bought it then traded it back in. The main draw here are the special moves, which are supposedly secret, but lists are available everywhere for all the fatalities, babalities, friendships, etc. So once you go through the list and perform each move a few times, the fun is kind of evaporated. Not only that--but all 12 characters are essentially the same fighter, only with different special moves. And if this weren't enough, many of the cartridges produced had a bug in them which froze the machine before getting to the "ultra secret" Noob Saibot character. Again, probably a good one to rent, with a moves list. ***MOVIES*** FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965) A movie which I've always heard about but never saw, until a few days ago. It's been rereleased in certain theaters, and lucky for me one of them was a few blocks from where I work. This is the tale of three go-go girls and their desert racing, killing, kidnapping, and psychotic hijinks. Sex, violence, and awesome corniness! It really is a great film, on a lot of levels. Extremely well directed by Russ Meyer. You're not gonna find it at Blockbuster, but I'm pretty sure it's out on video. A must see! QUINTET (1979) The only sci-fi movie ever for both director Robert Altman and star Paul Newman. It takes place during the next ice age, where the remnants of humanity are slowly fading away. Filmed in a decrepit exhibit hall from the 1967 Montreal Expo, the dying city is a wonderful and original location. I like this movie, but I think most people would find it boring and pointless (I watched it with my parents--they lasted maybe a half hour before bailing out). If you can get into the groove of the thing, however, you'll find a very cool art film, full of atmosphere and lasting, haunting impressions. Newman seems lost throughout the picture, but this adds to the film's unique cinematic experience. If you think you can handle it, check it out--but be sure to give it a chance--it takes an awful long time for any sort of plot to develop, but it does eventually appear. *OW* [[03026ZP]] Zope Today's Episode: ZOPE'S METEOR SHOWER FOLLIES ZOPE I'm goddamn tired. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Now Zope, keep the old chin up! It's not every night you get a chance to see the Veblovin meteor showers! ZOPE True. But still, I'm goddamn tired, and all I've seen are a few streaks of light which last for about a tenth of a second. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Why yes! That is what these meteors look like! ZOPE Wait a minute--I though we'd be seeing a mass of fiery death from above hailing down on the unsuspecting populace, wreaking mass destruction and chaos. Are you telling me this isn't the case? TIN ALLEY RASCAL Well, my friend, I'm afraid you misunderstood. It's very rare that a meteor survives the friction of the atmosphere to get to land. Very rare indeed. ZOPE That's rather unfortunate. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Yes--sorry old friend. ZOPE (taking out remote control) Yes--unfortunate. So I guess it's good I installed all those dimensional transporter underneath the Beaverton Mountain Range--you know--the ones that teleport things from ground level to the upper reaches of the atmosphere in space. TIN ALLEY RASCAL Oh no! That will cause terror and death! Don't do it, sir! Please restrain yourself! ZOPE Oh hush! You came for a show in the sky and that's just what you're gonna get! Zope presses a button on the remote and the sky fills with a massive firestorm. TIN ALLEY RASCAL *Sigh*. Well Zope, I must say, setting aside the death and destruction issues, you really have a beautiful display there! ZOPE I knew you'd come to see reason sooner or later, dude. *OW* [[04026HT]] Halfevil Times ***HALFEVIL TIMES CLASSIFIEDS*** *FOR SALE* KENTUCKY FRIED AUK Rare alternate-reality food product--includes bucket of fried auk parts and several side dishes, including mashed pomegranates and marzipan beer cans--all kept fresh in a Class H stasis field. Great conversation piece for the interdimensional cocktail party crowd. $8,750 or BO. Contact Werner "Cheech" Von Huxtable via the Liper St. mygaro vent--yellow codebook trendset J-33/cripher. HUMAN LUNG LUNCHBOX Rare kid's food container from the shorted-lived "internal organ" craze of the mid-'70s. Covered with depictions of a human lung dressed up in a variety of outfits--cowboy, spaceman, sheik, King of England, call girl, President Ford, etc. In reasonably good shape (except for one bright green stain--probably not radioactive). Book value of $14,500 but willing to sell for $14, 250. Call Byron Slim at 555-3422 to arrange a meeting with Figulon the Stoic, semi-anthropomorphic pangolin and part-time Lexus salesman. *HELP WANTED* WANKER British dickhead sought to liven up office environment. Great opportunity for all horribly annoying English, Scottish, Welsh, or Irish fools. Top salary, great benefits, and getting-beaten-to-a-pulp insurance offered. Call Brad's Nifty Foreigners at (212) 555-3332. Americans with fake English accents also sought for overseas work--please inquire. CLOCK WAIF Are you an unnaturally thin, frail fashion model who likes to spend her time semi-comatose inside a variety of timepieces? If so, Lampworth, The Tick-Tock King has an exciting career opportunity for you! Grandfather clock owners all across the midwest are seeking experienced clock waifs to inhabit their timepieces--full- or part-time. If interested, contact Benjamin Sloe at the Elm Ridge Caldor payphone--if someone else answers, just ask to speak to "that f*cking queer". *OW* [[05026LA]] Lord of Obliviana Welcome to the six month mark, folks! Yes indeed, yours truly, Frank Edward Nora, Lord of Obliviana, has managed to actually follow through on a plan. I tell ya--back in during the first few issues, I really doubted that OsoaWeek would get very far--but I was wrong, thank goodness! Already, I have a veritable cornucopia of cool design revisions for the upcoming Third Quarter, issues 27 thru 39 (from next week to the end of April). So the OsoaWeek powerhouse will keep on rolling along! You bet! So, this issue has become quite horribly late. Full-time job, you know. Sapping much of my energy and willpower. Yet, I do ramble on. And if I can stay awake another hour or so, I'll manage to keep this baby under a week late! Yeah--it's tough. And next issue I have to totally redesign everything! But I'll get it done. I'll do whatever it takes. Somehow, I have to figure a way to work full-time AND get OsoaWeek done on time. Oh yeah. Well, I'm just about done. If I can finish 027 over the weekend, I'll be in pretty good shape. See you next issue, in the superbly revamped launched of OsoaWeek's Third Quarter! Check it out like totally! You know it'll be great! Get All Obliviana! *OW* [[06026NH]] Nihilistica ***OBLIVIANA CD-ROM*** As I've been alluding to recently in the text of OsoaWeek, I am planning on releasing "Obliviana CD-ROM" sometime this year. It'll contain every issue of OsoaWeek, all the Pelter Clip Textures, The Balbitype 26 fonts, audio and video clips, games, graphics, a powerful front end, and a whole lot more! This could be the big break for Obliviana--let's just hope I can get it done! Cool! *OW* [[07026SU]] Superior SUPERIOR 153 Ling, the safety, the glory, the glass factory, the sweet liquid shop, the antechamber of a school, kids five minutes from going home, full of amusement. The older ones have higher matters--they're now full into sex. I'll just drift. Whatcha doin'? Driftin'. SUPERIOR 154 Solidify my desire, o wonder man--your talent and art does more than I can. Windows overlooking a canal, would make it final. Rhyme is goddess was and is never to be, that bridge in Bound Brook. So many goddesses. SUPERIOR 155 We called your cousin out to play. My Marlboro watch and my Mickey Mouse watch. So we got another rainy day. And to Wisconsin we went on a bus. The Truckworld Diner just wasn't for us. SUPERIOR 156 Forehoard? I can't stand any more pony tail pony tail wonderfulquestionhoods. Muse, muse you bastard! Muse! I wasn't in that one. If I try. Walkway goddamn hallway goddamn place. Wreck phony people. Dimension. War, yeah it's a diversion, who'd want to know there was something worse. I am he who calls. I am knowledge dude. *OW* [[08026DH]] Dehumidifier Welcome once again to another exciting and informative episode of Dehumidifier! Now, I know last time I promised you the "alcoholic" version of the ABM Vol. 3, No. 1 Flyer--but I've decided not to. See, upon further examination, I've determined that there weren't all that many changes, and that presenting the "alcoholic" version would be a waste of space. I will give you the most egregious alteration, however, so you're not left totally in the dark. Okay--there was a caption under a picture of two characters about to nail a poor little kitty cat to the ground. It was supposed to say "Malicious Mischief with 'Naxta & Plak'". The "alcoholic" version was "Malacious with 'Naxta & Plak'". There you go. Okay, so for this installment of Dehumidifier, I have something interesting--the table of contents of "Abaxial Usufruct", which was something I termed a "Raw Poem Heap" back when I completed it in December of 1990, over five years ago. In total, there are 209 poems in this collection, which is the ancestor of Superior. In fact, a lot of poems from AU have been reworked into Superiors. Looking at the table of contents, I felt that the titles themselves were pretty cool--so here they are for your enjoyment. As far as the actual text of Abaxial Usufruct, I must say that I am embarrassed by the style of much of it--very immature, self-indulgent stuff, some of it. You can feel secure that anything of value in AU has been or will be in the pages of OsoaWeek. And who knows? A lot of things will be hidden deep within the bowels of Obliviana CD-ROM when it comes out--maybe the full text of AU will be buried in there as well! ABAXIAL USUFRUCT A Raw Poem Heap by Frank Edward Nora THE FIRST ELEVEN 1) Cellars Exhauster 2) Perfume's Aghast 3) Enterloud 4) Farther Belong 5) Shopping It Warm 6) Winterswimmer 7) Grab Me Nicely 8) That City 9) I Come Cobalt 10) The Nonagonhood in Nothing 11) Some Berry Basalt of Brine THE SECOND ELEVEN 12) Two Pink Chalky Pellets in my Mouth 13) Votaress 14) Bacquaintance Bane 15) Idiot Nourish 16) Apex Ditty 17) The Red of God 18) Happy Visit 19) Too Much Caffeine 20) Entrances in Bliss 21) Never Dazzle 22) Mishap 77 THE THIRD ELEVEN 23) Lazy Day 24) Summersweat Coolblaze 25) Airport Song 26) Coffeextreme 27) A Familiar Condition 28) This Injury 29) Peak 30) Bubbles From Here 31) The Good Hospitality 32) Sensitive Stab 33) The THE FOURTH ELEVEN 34) Comfusiom Tit 35) Poor Yet Fixed 36) A Glass Table Shatters 37) Blastemdammen 38) Fool of Albumen 39) Lastdreamo 1989 40) Zegzauster Awool 41) To an Insipid Bore 42) Teller Grained 43) Noxin Praff Dangle 44) Corner Fake Beg THE FIFTH ELEVEN 45) Loop 46) Anothday 47) Alcove Jungle Section 48) A Lousy Edict 49) Abest Passage 50) Boring and Brief and Makes a Point 51) Has Nepture 52) Insnec 53) Lutret Nandescropt 54) Real and Fake 55) That Little Game THE SIXTH ELEVEN 56) Train Frame 57) Sizzle 58) Selfish Zodiac Platelet 59) Passingsummersundayswisps 60) Overheard 61) Good Pinball 62) Glare of the Evening 63) Further Pieces 64) Anti-Erase Procedure 65) Barbed Paper for Copier 66) Aye Disturbin' Age THE SEVENTH ELEVEN 67) 72 Hours I Learned 68) 87932 69) Dental Technician 70) Evening's Heart 71) Foreign Update 72) Forming 73) God's Ass 74) Meet Them 75) Possible Dreams 76) Prayer at the Fish God's Hand 77) Ringers in the Woods THE EIGHTH ELEVEN 78) A Modern Monetary Miracle 79) Bat an Eyelash 80) Church Flies 81) Consider 82) Frankwords 83) Googol Alerts Officials 84) Monsters Attack Village 85) So Long Ago 86) Stun You 87) Verse Jejune 88) Wireless Mutation Narcotic Joint THE NINTH ELEVEN 89) As it Appears to the Wood 90) Began and Finished Before 91) Biz Rik Ron Ruz 92) Cassettes on Sale 93) Fused 94) Knock on Wood 95) Not So Sure 96) Ode to Dead Spirals 97) Pervellack and Libro 98) Throat Ripper 99) Wisdom Generator THE TENTH ELEVEN 100) The Wheel Slowing for Now 101) The Late Afternoon 102) My Powers My Situation 103) Mote Glance 104) Meanders Badly 105) Horrid Goose Rhyme 106) Growing Life as Tunnel 107) Flueb Carnivazl 108) Ere 109) Blam Sun 110) Ba-zhed THE ELEVENTH ELEVEN 111) The Story 112) A Rather Interesting Tale 113) Shot Story 114) Dad's Old Quips 115) Faded Voices 116) Pamela 117) Primal Scream Encyclopedia 118) Quandary's Bindings 119) Quiet Songs Sung 120) Rahter 121) The Periodic Cidoirep THE TWELFTH ELEVEN 122) Yhosphoroscope 123) Uh Plural 124) Some Basic Phrases 125) Sfffeere 126) Needed 127) Hinterland 128) Heat of Distant Airport 129) Eyeball 130) Damned Awed 131) Caudad 132) Avelocity THE THIRTEENTH ELEVEN 133) Dammers Domes 134) Delbaips 135) Despair the Dark Night 136) Dode 137) Fuse a Fuses 138) Heck Tissue Echelon 139) Perchance to Chat with Ms. Auklet 140) The Big Monsters 141) The Man Began in a Trembling and Fearful Voice 142) Web FN08 143) Whazey Way THE FOURTEENTH ELEVEN 144) Bell and It's Yeah So What 145) Books Can Touch Auras 146) But at Some Point 147) Dictiobabble 148) Distant Aspect 149) Dreams, Tuesday, April 7, 1987 150) Not Not Align Parch 151) This is Most Unexisting 152) Today Sans A 153) Twelfth Extractedade 154) Zed Ballista Cap THE FIFTEENTH ELEVEN 155) Avoid in Around 156) Bavler 157) Code && 158) Don't Salt Clear 159) Humanity 160) Nothing Worth Whatevering 161) Silly Optic F 162) That That Blurs 163) Tonite Meeting in Lounge 164) Voluminous 165) Zzzz Jolters Now THE SIXTEENTH ELEVEN 166) 2:44 AM 167) Bill Sense 168) Ex Nihilo 169) Feasability 170) Figure 245 171) First Book Of 172) I Was in a Hotel 173) Model Head 174) Oblivion Shapes and Shadows 175) That Would be Then 176) Way Over Drench THE SEVENTEENTH ELEVEN 177) Bestcentre 178) Drifting Drafting 179) Globes Too Why 180) Immense Question 181) Musings Matings 182) Officer 183) Pleasantry Nebulosity 184) Rainfall Felt Abreast 185) Suck It Goddess 186) The Act the Act 187) The Best of People THE EIGHTEENTH ELEVEN 188) A Below 189) A Seal 190) Bad Philosophy 191) Down Under 192) Eh Knot 193) Going Over It Against 194) Pain in My Teeth 195) The Unrealed Park 196) The We're Here 197) Time Pipe 198) Under Remember THE NINETEENTH ELEVEN 199) A Man Who Sings You Say 200) Allllll the Wayyy 201) Backyards 202) Be in Big ESP 203) Bring Me the Woodsphere 204) Confusing Matters 205) How Am I Next 206) Oven Baloney 207) This Written 208) Xsxx 209) 2-8-89 *OW* [[09026SR]] Severe Repair SEVERE REPAIR 26: "The Aleche Degrasion" "What will Emma think of me now?" Amnifaoz, no longer a Hypergod, moaned. "You should have thought about that before acting like such a bore." Ann Saply said. "Bore?" V Sincein said, looking up. "Bore? He tried to disembowel Nevrippa! I'd say that's more than being a 'bore'." "I said I was sorry." Amnifaoz said. "I am spoiled. That which I was is gone. All that is left is this--this pimple of a body! Unthinkably fragile!" Indeed, Amnifaoz was changed. Now a mere human, with blue-gray skin and dark yellow hair, short and slim, and wearing a black and gray tunic, vaguely reminiscent of his Hypergod armor. The entire group was seated inside the main room of Ledrant Hate's Warhome, around a large table. Somehow he had managed to alter the room into a kind of control center. "Okay everyone." Hate said, standing at a console. "We're all here except for Treyess and Ferrajalt. I just talked to them and they should be here in a few minutes. They apologized for the further delay." "Hey, let them have their fun." Nevrippa Den said. Hate ignored the comment. "Once they're here," Hate said, "we'll have the ten Warhomes and drivers we'll need. We can hook Ferrajalt's Warhome up and then get this crazy scheme over with. Let's just hope it works." "Too bad we couldn't get by with nine." V said, giving Amnifaoz a nasty glance. "Well I told you," Injure Bodoni said, "according to my calculations, it could be towed with six or seven, but to make those turns, we could maybe to it with nine, but ten will do it just fine." "Whatever." V said, his superimposed cube pulsing from a dull blue to a dull red. "Amnifaoz was good enough to offer his help." Hate said. "And he did apologize. Remember--he was the one who ultimately got ripped to shreds, regardless of the fact that he started it." "Yeah?" V said in an argumentative tone. "Look everyone--let's just stop bickering and get along for once--we should all be dead--but someone out there gave us another chance." "I can't believe any of this." Sleap Drassy said. "It's just been a nightmare." "Well," Hate said, "it's lucky we scanned you--otherwise you'd still have been in that motel when we dragged the Recrudescent into Office Complex of Gumhanshire--after that, there probably wouldn't be much left of this world." "Yeah. I just keep wondering why I was one of the lucky ones to survive the disaster." Sleap said. "It's just like, I mean, if I had it to choose, I don't think I'd want it this way. To lose all my friends and family like this." Ann Saply gazed at the young woman with the blond Mohawk. "Indeed." the cat lady said with a cool smile. Sleap gave Ann a quick angry look. "We would have been one short without you, girl." Ann said. And this must all be so strange to you." "It sure is." Sleap said. "I never spoke to a cat before." "Oh, I think we'll be speaking a lot, my dear." Ann said. Sleap looked a little worried. "But we have to get through this, first." Ann said. "We'll get through it." Nevrippa said. "We better--I got too much cool stuff. I ain't gonna die." The room fell silent as the eight sat there looking around at each other. Finally, Injure Bodoni spoke. "So where are Treyess and Ferrajalt? We have to get moving. I told you there's a situationquake coming. If we don't get rid of that building soon, well..." "Don't worry--we're here." Treyess said, walking in with Ferrajalt behind her. "My goodness--look what you've done to your Warhome, Ledrant--it's absolutely stunning!" "Thank you." Hate said. "Now that we're all here, we should go over the game plan. Treyess, Prince--you can take a seat right over here. Okay. So as you know, this world we're in is not as stable as we thought it was--in fact, it may be an anomaly left standing because of it's connection with Aconck. In any event, we know that hitting Office Complex of Gumhanshire--a building in Doscovor--with that ocean liner out there--the Recrudescent--will set off a reaction which might set everything straight. But we all have to pass THROUGH the event in order for us to hope to participate in reality in the future. So what we have decided is that once we're within a mile of the waterfall, we'll all bail out of our Warhomes in the little biplanes, and follow the ship into the building, flying above it." "That's right." Bodoni said, turning to the crowd. "A few seconds here or there won't matter. 'Following' is the key word here. We must follow the boat as it smashes into the building--and hopefully it will pass us through into a fresh rendition of Timber Serious Earth, where none of this ever happened." "What about the boat?" Den asked. "Huh?" Bodoni said. "The boat." Den said. "Will the boat get through into the fresh world?" "Likely." Bodoni said. "The area around the event horizon WILL retain some crash-real aspectitudes. So the building and the boat, in their post-collision format, should be existent." "Good." Den said. "Why is that good?" Bodoni asked. "You'll see, boy." Den responded. "Okay." Hate said. "Every one of us has to know how to drive his or her Warhome, as well as how to fly the biplane. So we'll be doing some quickie training in the spare Warhome while the rest of them are hooked up." "Now," Bodoni said, "I just wanted to ask Treyess and Ferrajalt about the strange object they encountered downriver." "Yes?" Treyess asked. "Yes--please tell us everything you experienced once you entered the thing." So Treyess and Ferrajalt related their experience of entering the construct and seeing that vision of the dog and the rabbit fighting. "Hmm." Bodoni said. "Very interesting. Could be symbolic--the rabbit represents 'la luna'--but the dog--I don't know..." "Just steer clear of it, everyone." Hate said. "There are a lot of terrible things here--things I'll be glad to leave behind. So let's get to it then--the final preparations are at hand--we move in three hours and forty-five minutes!" * * * Ferrajalt was flying in his biplane over the ten Warhomes and the ocean liner chained to them. This was the final check before they would proceed to tow the boat down the frozen river and into Office Complex of Gumhanshire. The boat, "Recrudescent", was tiled at a 45 degree angle on the glassy surface of the river. The Warhomes were laid out in an intricate pattern, set forth by Injure Bodoni. Each driver would receive specific instructions of exactly what to do at each section of the river from Injure. A call came in, and Ferrajalt punched the purple button on his console. Treyess' face came into view. "Everything look okay up there?" she asked. "Yup. So I guess this is it." "Yeah. So when we're flying, come right next to me, okay? I don't want to lose you." Ferrajalt smiled. "I won't let you get away from me." Suddenly, the was a barrage of flashing lights from below Ferrajalt. "What the hell was that?" Ferrajalt yelled. "What?" Treyess asked. Ferrajalt swung around to see the guns of one Warhome firing--firing at one of the giant streetlights lining the river. The guns released pulse after pulse at the base of the streetlight, and before Ferrajalt knew it, the enormous thing was falling right toward the ocean liner! "Treyess! Someone shot a streetlight down--it's gonna--" With a shudder, the shaft of the streetlight lurched and collapsed right onto the Recrudescent. A thunderous noise reverberated throughout the destroyed landscape. "What happened?" Treyess asked. "Someone--someone shot down the streetlight!" Suddenly, a little rectangle opened in the corner of the video screen--it was Nevrippa Den. "It's okay everybody--I just shot down one of the streetlights." Den said calmly. "It landed perfectly on the boat--I just couldn't bear to leave this place without getting one of those beauties. Sorry For the inconvenience, but it should be okay, right?" Ferrajalt was speechless. "She really did that?" Treyess asked. "Yeah!" the Prince said, nodding in disbelief. Then, on the video screen, Den's face was replaced by that of Ledrant Hate. "Okay people." Hate said. "I'm just as dumbfounded as all of you regarding what Nevrippa has apparently just done--but we don't have time to question the repercussions of this event--we will go ahead as planned--Injure will determine if any course changes are called for--everyone at their driver's seat--prepare to begin." "F*ck!" Ferrajalt said. "That little weirdo may have just killed us all!" "I don't know." Treyess said. "I don't even want to think about it. I just want to get this over with." "Yeah." Ferrajalt said. "Let's do it. I'll see you in the air--and back in reality, hopefully." Treyess closed her eyes and kissed toward Ferrajalt. He kissed back and shut the screen off, as he zoomed back toward his Warhome--the original one he and Treyess first found. Soon, back in the Warhome, Ferrajalt got to his driver's seat to find Bodoni on the screen "Okay people." Injure said. "If your motors aren't running, get them so. Also, turn on your flashing lights--if there's anyone or anything on the river, we want to let them know we're coming." Ferrajalt revved his engine a little to make sure it was on, then he flicked a switch to activate the red and blue flashing police lights." "Now," Injure said, "we'll start off straight, but then we'll have a slight left turn. Everyone please check in, and then we can get started." "Ferrajalt here--ready." the Prince said. On the screen, Injure was nodding. "Don't worry Sleap--you'll do fine." Injure said, apparently to the concerns of Sleap in her Warhome. "Okay? Okay. So this is it. Everyone, straight, and start off SLOW, on the countdown to ZERO. Okay? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--ZERO!" Ferrajalt gently depressed the accelerator and moved forward a little, picking up the slack in the chain attached to his Warhome. Once the chain was taut, his wheels began to spin, but after a few seconds, he felt a deep thud from somewhere within the vehicle as it dropped a few inches closer to the ground. A high pitched wail could be heard from the engine as he pressed down further on the accelerator. "Okay folks." Injure said from the screen. "Looks like the tow function has kicked in--now let's increase the power a little..." Ferrajalt did this, and he started moving forward. As he looked around, he saw that the others were moving too. Soon, the ten Warhomes were indeed towing the enormous ocean liner down the frozen river--even with the giant streetlight dragging alongside. The group made a few minor turns with ease, but several sharp turns were coming up. "Okay folks, we're doing good." Bodoni said. Ferrajalt's heart was beating hard and fast in his chest--he knew there was no turning back. "Now," Bodoni said, "get ready for the turn--we have to start well before we get there--coming up..." There were a few tense moments as they all turned sharply--if the boat grounded itself, the whole thing would be for naught. But in the final analysis, it was close, but it worked. "Alright! If we can do that one, the other two will be a snap!" Bodoni said. Ferrajalt wiped some sweat off his brow and he readied himself for the next turn. They were going pretty fast now--but he knew they'd have to go a lot faster before they got to the waterfall. The Prince squinted as he thought he saw a flashing light up ahead on the left river bank. Yes--it was a red and blue flashing light--but too small to be a Warhome. He quickly approached the light, and saw it was on top of a normal-sized police car. A sheriff with a cowboy-style hat was leaning against the car, staring at Ferrajalt as he drove by. For an instant the Prince locked eyes with the sheriff, and saw he was a tall, thin, young-looking fellow. In the next instant Ferrajalt had passed far beyond the lawman--but something about the stranger--what was it? The Prince shook his head and figured that this destroyed world and all its weirdness would soon be behind him. But then he considered what he was headed for--flying headlong into the unknown, and he felt a tinge of panic before Injure's terse commands distracted him--they were upon another turn. This turn went smooth enough, and Ferrajalt began to be aware of the high-pitched squeal of the Recrudescent gliding along on top of the ice, getting louder and louder as they kept going faster and faster. One more turn, and he's hit the straightaway--nothing but a mile or two between him and the waterfall. None of them would have much time to get into their planes--it would definitely be close. Ferrajalt stared ahead at the passing streetlights, then he glanced down at the speedometer--160 mph and rising fast. How could he feel so calm? The final turn came, and though Injure was fretting over some piece of data, the group accomplished it without error. So now--this was it. "Alright people," Injure said, "here we go. Set your autopilot in--fifteen seconds--then get the hell up to those planes! Remember--follow the Recrudescent into the event--don't worry about the distance so much, just--okay--7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--SET AUTOPILOT AND BAIL OUT!" Ferrajalt swallowed hard and then punched the orange autopilot light. The speedometer read 180 mph. The riverbanks and streetlights shot past him like lightning. He grabbed at the release of his seatbelt and flailed at it when it didn't instantly release. A surge of panic washed over him, but subsided when he got the seatbelt loose and jumped up. A final glance at the speedometer showed it at 185 mph and rising quickly. There was no turning back. He opened the door and walked into the main area of his Warhome. He looked up at the biplane at the top of the shaft as he heard that awful high-pitched wail from the boat. So he wouldn't be able to make good on his promise to Treyess--the wonderful Warhome would be demolished in the impact. Maybe it could be recovered and repaired after the impact? He decided he couldn't afford to spend any time worrying about it as he climbed the ladder on the central shaft and climbed aboard the plane. The key. He forgot the key. The control panel was dead in front of him. The key was back next to the driver's seat. How could he have forgotten it? He was dead. Ferrajalt blinked him eyes once, then jumped out of the plane and landed hard on the floor--a little bit of superstrength kicked in to prevent injury. Thinking fast, the Prince yelled "Super!" and felt an explosion of power within him. In one leap, he splintered the door and lunged forward for the key, which he grabbed swiftly. Looking ahead, he saw the glow of Doscovor on the horizon. The vector display was flashing and beeping wildly, warning of the impending fall. Several of the others were already taking off in their biplanes. He could make it. He had to make it. He bounded back through the wrecked door and with a massive leap was back next to the plane. He lunged forward and jammed the key into its hole, turning it as he jumped into the seat. The control panel lit up, and the dome began to open up. Finding the right controls, Ferrajalt started to rise the plane. A blast of wind hit him in the face like a brick--he didn't have his helmet on. As the biplane rose, he could see the rough ice of the waterfall ahead--he had made it with a quarter minute to spare. He eased forward on the throttle, and was free from the Warhome. Pulling back on the stick, he shot upward. Suddenly, the video screen on the console lit up--it was Treyess, with a helmet on. She was moving her lips, but Ferrajalt couldn't hear, so he reached down and grabbed the helmet, which he put on. "What?" he yelled. "I said, I see you had some trouble too." "Yeah. I forgot the key." "Haha! Me too. I almost died, Ferrajalt, I tell you, I almost died. I didn't realize it was in my pocket the whole time." Ferrajalt laughed a little nervously. "Well, I really did forget it. I messed the place up with superstrength getting it back." "Wow. Oh look! There it goes!" Indeed, as he was looking at the video screen, the Warhomes zoomed off the edge of the waterfall--to be followed a moment later by the enormous ocean liner. Ferrajalt was shocked at the sudden silence--he hadn't even noticed the shrieking wail of the boat on the ice, but now that it was silent, he felt a wave of relief. It happened quickly. The boat, with flashing lights mutedly visible from its front, seemed to glide of the bay, unerring in its path toward Office Complex of Gumhanshire. The giant streetlight Den shot down was still hanging off the ocean liner. And then--the lights of Office Complex of Gumhanshire went out. No explosion, no reality wave, nothing. "Okay." Ferrajalt said, shaken. "Is that it? Did it work?" "I don't know." Treyess responded. "Let's just get over there, full throttle!" "Alright." Ferrajalt said, easing the throttle forward all the way, and then some. His little biplane shot forward at surprising speed. In a moment, he was over the bay and headed for what was now a growing cloud of dust. All of a sudden, hell broke loose in the sky--an array of searingly-bright parallel band appeared, rotating counter-clockwise and turning from bright white to bright red. The landscape all around him began to ripple, gently at first, but in a few seconds, violently. "Get into that cloud!" he heard Treyess yell. Yes--he was headed for it. Only a few more seconds... There was a massive drop in air pressure as the bands in the sky began to unravel. Ferrajalt's ears popped, and he felt some superstrength kick in to protect him. He was almost upon the dust cloud now--but something made him look up one last time--and then he saw it--the dog, with the rabbit in its jaws, running as fast as it could. But he knew--he knew that the rabbit wasn't dead. It was almost as if--as if the dog was trying to help the rabbit? And he entered the dust cloud. He didn't care if he crashed--there was nothing left outside the dust cloud anyway. But he didn't crash--it just got real, real cold, and the air pressure dropped more. Now all was dark, and any remaining heat or air pressure quickly vanished--he was in the vacuum of space. He felt his emergency superstrength kick in--it was like an incredible pressure crushing his body. He didn't breath, and he couldn't see. Soon, he couldn't even feel. He was nowhere, but he was still alive. His heart was still heating. His time in vacuum seemed neverending, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes before it began to warm and an atmosphere once again embraced him. The emergency superstrength eased back a little, enough for him to see where he was headed. And it was straight down. He saw trees, rocks, and ocean for a split second before he crashed into them. He must have been going near the speed of sound. In a moment, the emergency superstrength was back, and again he felt like he was being crushed. Back in the dark. But this time, Ferrajalt shot him arms forward, and then light showered down upon him. He scrambled upward, and collapsed on the edge of the crater his biplane had created. The strain of the superstrength was too much for him. He lost consciousness just as he saw a lovely pine tree. But he was alive. His heart was still beating. * * * Water dripped onto Prince Ferrajalt's face. Water. It felt good. He smiled. Then he opened his eyes. Standing above him was a totally drenched Treyess Arcomany. "Hey stranger." she said. "Hey." "We're alive." Treyess said. "And we're alone." "What do you mean?" Ferrajalt said, sitting up. "Well," she said, sitting down on the ground next to the Prince, "I managed to crash in the water. Though I was gonna drown. But--I didn't." Ferrajalt nodded. "I'm pretty sure this is an island." she said, looking around. "An island with lots of rocks and pine trees." Ferrajalt nodded again. "And," Treyess continued, "there's no sign of the others." Ferrajalt sighed. "Yeah, y'know--I don't know about you--but I was in the vacuum and absolute cold of space for a good while. Only my hangs saved me." he said. "Me too. That was so horrible, wasn't it? Just before it all just..." "Yeah. I saw that dog again." "Me too. He was taking the rabbit somewhere." "Yeah." Looking up, Ferrajalt saw that there were several ultrabright light sources in the sky, not just one. There seemed to be two main ones and about a dozen minor ones. "Interesting sky." he said. "Yeah I know--I've never seen anything like it before." "This isn't Timber Serious. Not by a long shot." "Nope." "Your plane get destroyed, I guess?" "Yeah--coral. Pretty nasty." "Hmm." "I see that yours--well, there may be some identifiable wreckage over there. Uh, maybe." "Yeah. I hit hard... You know--some of the others--there's no way they could have survived all that." "You mean that girl, Sleap?" "Yeah. That outer space would kill an unprotected human in a few seconds." "Maybe the others were luckier--they were quite a bit ahead of us." "Hopefully." Treyess looked at her haggard Prince. His clothes were nearly torn to shreds. Treyess' were too. Ferrajalt smiled and looked down at himself. "May as well get rid of these, huh?" he said. "Sounds like a good idea. And you know if we start running around here naked, the others are bound to show up. It's just got to happen." "True." Ferrajalt said, ripping at what was left of his shirt. It tore away like tissue paper." "Freeze dried in the vacuum, maybe." Treyess said as she ripped her clothes off as well, which were also extremely fragile, except for her shimmering silver cloak, which seemed no worse for wear. Ferrajalt continued undressing, placing some things he had in his pants pockets in a little pile on the ground. And as he ripped his jacket off, he felt something in one of its pockets. Tearing the fabric away, he saw the little book from the Warhome library he had taken. "The Aleche Degrasion". Apparently, it was a classic of adventure and intrigue back on Timber Serious. He figured if he didn't take it along, chances were he'd never get another chance to read it. He examined the book--it seemed to be in pretty good shape. The pages weren't made of normal paper--maybe it was some kind of plastic? He pondered this as he added the book to his pile and continued undressing. Soon, they were both naked. "You know," Ferrajalt said, "this is kind of a nice place to be naked." "Yeah." Treyess said with a smile. Ferrajalt walked over to Treyess and they hugged. "I don't know where we are," the Prince said, "or what we're going to do--but I promise--I will take care of you--protect you--never abandon you." Treyess cringed a little. Wasn't she more able than Ferrajalt to take care of herself? She always had. But somewhere in her heart, her pride was warmed and melted away by a feeling of security, by the joy of being able to depend on another person. "Thank you." was all she said. And they both sat down on the pink and blue sand. Ferrajalt looked at the sand and realized something--there were large patches of pink and blue--but when he ran his hand between two sections, the colors mixed together to form a bluish-purple color. How could the areas have become so perfectly divided? It just wasn't natural. "So we need fresh water and food." Ferrajalt said after a long silence. "If we don't find both, we're kind of in trouble." Treyess laughed a little. "Yeah. I'd say so." "But I have a feeling we'll find what we need here. Something about the smell in the air..." "A beautiful smell..." Treyess said. "Yeah." the Prince said, closing his eyes and lying back. Later on, the two ventured inland in the warm afternoon and did indeed find a freshwater stream and a wide variety of delicious fruits growing on trees. They ate their fill as they continued to explore the island. As the lights in the purple sky began to set, they returned to Ferrajalt's crash site and relaxed on the beach. Soon, an even grid of star began to appear in the sky, among which a number of dim circles if various colors lazily meandered. "I wonder if the others are in a place like this." Ferrajalt said. "I hope they are." "Yeah." "But as it is, it looks like we may have this world all to ourselves." "Hmm. I wonder if it's our responsibility to populate it." Treyess looked over at Ferrajalt. "I don't know. We did a lot of frolicking today, and I liked it. To me, pregnancy and frolicking are pretty definitely mutually exclusive." "That's true. And with Fife's birth control hang, we could avoid it ad infinitum." "That's the idea." They continued talking for some time, but as it got dark, and with the unfamiliar sky above them, the two fell asleep in each other's arms. Ferrajalt didn't know how long he had been sleeping when he opened his eyes. The shoreline was dimly lit by the objects in the sky. Without moving, he looked down toward his biplane's crater. Near its edge was Treyess' silver cloak--right where she'd left it earlier in the day. But it was moving. Ever so slightly, it was rustling. Ferrajalt remained frozen, but his heart began beating faster and harder. He continued watching, and soon he saw what could have been a hand appear briefly above the rustling cloak. And then--yes--it definitely was a hand. Then part of a head, and another hand, and arm. Someone was struggling to pull themselves up and crawl out of the cloak. Ferrajalt considered waking Treyess, but decided he'd rather retain whatever advantage remaining motionless might afford him. Now he saw the figure more clearly--a woman, with long black hair--a tight-fitting red, black, and orange outfit. And now--she was holding something--a weapon of some sort. Soon, she had fully escaped the cloak and was on all-fours next to it. Ferrajalt began nudging Treyess. The strange woman stood up and spoke. "Gee--forever wasn't that long after all." Treyess began to stir, mumbling loud enough for the woman to hear and look their way. "What have we here?" she said, starting to walk their way. Now Ferrajalt could see what she was holding--it was a bottle--a beautiful, wonderful bottle. "How do you like this?" she said. "First I escape my infinite banishment curse, then I find a couple of fresh young lovelies." Ferrajalt sat up, and Treyess followed soon after. A really nice bottle there, the Prince was thinking. "What's going on?" Treyess said. "I don't know." Ferrajalt said. "I saw her climb out of the cloak." "Damn right." the woman said, approaching the two. "I was supposed to stay in there forever. As it turns out, it was only a few thousand years. And y'know, I haven't gotten laid in all that time--you two'll do nicely to get me back in the groove." "This is a dream." Treyess said. "It's got to be." "Drink up," the woman said, passing the bottle to Ferrajalt. "you'll have a beautiful dream with me once you do." The Prince accepted the bottle and felt an irrational fascination for it, and a burning desire to taste what it contained. Without hesitation, he put it to his lips and drank. It was a burning, but wonderful, liquor. Treyess was eyeing the bottle with similar interest, and grabbed it from Ferrajalt after he took his swig. She too drank from it. "Looks like I'm odd one out with these clothes on." the woman said, undressing. "It'll feel good to get 'em off after all this time." Treyess and Ferrajalt watched as the woman undressed, sexual fires and lust immolating forth within them. For a moment, Ferrajalt figured they were doped with some sort of monster aphrodisiac, but he quickly dropped that, and all other rational thoughts as the woman knelt down and began to embrace the two. So beautiful, so sexy... "Now c'mon kids--let your friend Red Archer Booze satisfy your burning desires. You'll see why they locked me up in that thing--they couldn't understand the power of ultra pleasure. But now I'm going to make you two understand." And Ferrajalt wanted badly to understand. *OW* [[10026CO]] Catalog of Obliviana (((Well now--here we are at the LAST installment of Catalog of Obliviana, at least for awhile. Sales are not great. Well, let me put it another way--there haven't been any sales. This isn't surprising, considering the tiny readership of OsoaWeek thus far. But I am uncomfortable copying and pasting the same 2.8K of text here week after week. Also, Obliviana has moved much closer to pure digital, philosophically--and this throws a different light on the status of physical artifacts. So with all this in mind, I will be suspending and seriously altering this feature come next issue--check it out to see what will happen to the venerable Catalog of Obliviana!))) These days, when you buy a book, magazine, CD, or videotape, you get an artifact which acts as the medium for the information contained within. But as the Digital Superworld develops, more and more of the infostimulation you buy will be pure data--with no physical side, no artifact. In fact, OsoaWeek is such a formless thing--it's pure data. With this in mind, we here at Obliviana Super Occult Amusement feel that artifacts will begin to take on more meaning. And because of this, we have developed a system by which all of the Obliviana Artifacts we release have definite identity--with limited production, each item is numbered, stamped, and personally signed by its creator. The following list contains all the currently available Obliviana Artifacts. To order, send check or money order made out to Frank Edward Nora, or cash (at your own risk), to the address in the Masthead. All prices include postage and handling. Guarantee: Return any Artifact within 30 days of receiving it for a full refund. MINIATURE SUPER OBJECT 1: NON-THORIUM ANTENNA This is a strange little Super Object I developed some time ago as an incentive item to get you to order one of my former magazines. I got no orders, though. Now, there are 40 Non-Thorium Antennas, complete with tiny plastic container and title card. 28 left. OA001. Only $3 each! PERFECT FOVY Fovy was a publication I released fortnightly for five issues last Autumn. Each issue is on one folded-up 11 x 17 sheet of paper, with an awesome 8-Codingseed poster on one side and cool stuff on the other, including two Zope comics per issue! A wonderful collection, bound with a paper band, and only 26 made. 24 left. OA002. Yours for $5! PELTER CD-ROM This is an actual CD-ROM I had pressed over a year ago, and it contains 256 of the coolest clip textures you ever saw! Being for the Macintosh, each image is a 512 pixel by 512 pixel 32-bit color image. As well, each image comes in 6 varieties! These are 32-bit, 8-bit, grayscale, tiled 32-bit, tiled 8-bit, and tiled grayscale. This product never saw commercial release because, (a) I blew all my money just producing it, and (b) I'm too lazy and wary to have anyone else produce it. So! A great bargain, with only 40 copies available. Includes the original color-photocopied cover, and a brand new insert with updated information. Requires Macintosh computer with CD-ROM drive. 38 left. OA003. Only $30 each! READ THIS OR DIE! An awesome collection of Zope comics spanning eight years! Contains twenty sheets of colored paper, with 40 Zope comics in all! Included are "Zope's Resin Conundrum", "Zope's Little Puppet", "Doctor Zope and the Abdomen Ghoul", and loads more! Each set not only has the usual signature, stamp, and number--but an original drawing of Zope as well! All bound together with a big binder clip. A very raw artifact! 20 made, 5 left. OA005. $4 each. *OW* [[11026CN]] Contents BEGIN 01 026 CV--Cover 02 026 HR--Hemisinister Review 03 026 ZP--Zope 04 026 HT--Halfevil Times 05 026 LA--Lord of Obliviana 06 026 NH--Nihilistica 07 026 SU--Superior 08 026 DH--Dehumidifier 09 026 SR--Severe Repair 10 026 CO--Catalog of Obliviana 11 026 CN--Contents END *OW* [[END026OW]] -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- ----- |