|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- CARNE'S MOISTURE DETECTION FRIEND--CUP 2--"MAJOR FROLICKING WATERS" <-------  ||  Severe Repair  ||  Carne's Moisture Detection Friend  ||  -------> (Cup SRcm002, Created v2 (6/7/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = -D- CARNE: I was at a beautiful place. My Moisture Detection Friend had been there a week earlier. It's kind of hard to describe. It was a glass lodge on top of this hill, with a killer view. Everyone just sits in there and smokes these great cigars and drinks this awesome iced coffee. PACER: Yeah? That sounds pretty cool. So when the fuck is this ride gonna start up again? I'm tired of sitting here in the "Amethyst Cave of the Ancient Way". This ride sucks, man. CARNE: I don't know. I think all these rides have great character. Maybe from the viewpoint of whatever modern aesthetic you adhere to you might think of this ride as "corny", but giving it such a simplictic label would be doing it a disservice. PACER: Did you see that Erica I was talking to before? I told her I was gonna meet her at the "Major Frolicking Waters" stage show thing, y'know? But I'm sitting here in this friggin' dark ride. No, it's not a dark ride, it's a DORK ride. CARNE: What I am often fascinated by is the application of the term "artifical reality" when referring to rides such as this one, or places like that lodge I was telling you about. Is not all human architecture and design meant to evoke something beyond the natural world? PACER: You know man, I don't wanna get into this with ya, and I'm just about to jump off the ride and head for that exit sign over there, though I know I'll get jumped by secrurity before I make it ten feet. But your argument is wack. It's not a matter of strict black-and-white definitions, it's a matter of extent! And what the hell does a crystal, fairy, jerk-around cave have to do with my life? CARNE: Yeah. So what was up with that Erica girl? Do you know her from somewhere? PACER: Nah, she was wearing a T-shirt of this band I like, "The Associated General Contractors". So I just started talking to her. I'm starting to believe in this philosophy a lot of guys have, to like ask out every girl you meet. Maybe one of out twenty will say yes. It makes me feel like an asshole, but when am I gonna see these people again, anyway? But Erica really seemed to like me. And I tellya, I'd rather be staring at her face right now that looking at these goddamn fruity purple elves! -E- CARNE: This is the strip mall you saw my Moisture Detection Friend at, isn't it? PACER: Yup. What was it, a few weeks ago? A month ago? I was going to buy that stupid action figure. And I wound up in the rafters of the Toy'R'Us, swinging around like a monkey, till I finally lashed myself to a beam and fell asleep. I slept all that night, the next day, and into the day after that. I don't think anyone saw me the day I slept, but the next day, I woke up screaming from some yellow and aquamarine nightmare, and the management team was all pissed-off that I was lashed up there. It was a real mess. CARNE: Uh-huh. You know, there's something peaceful about sitting at the spot where sidewalk meets parking lot. Very humble, very cool, very Zen. Maybe I'll create a computer game centered around the act of sitting in a place like this. PACER: Yeah? Cool. Um... What I just said? It's true. I know it sounds like a lie, but it's totally true. Just go to Toys'R'Us and ask them. I have to go to court in a week-and-a-half cuzza the whole thing. CARNE: I know you well enough to believe you. But how did did you get into such a hairy, zany predicament? And why didn't you tell me sooner? PACER: Ah, it was that damn health food store, the new one that just opened up on the strip? They have all these natural, legal drugs there that you can take. Damn expensive, by the way. Anyway, I took way too many of these drugs--they call them "herbs", but what's the difference, right?--so I took all this shit, and I went bonkers. I thought I was a monkey. I really did! Or an ape. Or a mandrill. Or something like that, I don't know. CARNE: How did you lash yourself? PACER: Um... I raided the back-to-school department. Backpacks? You know how they have those plastic clip-lock kind of thingies? I grabbed a whole bunch and connected them all together. It worked remarkably well. CARNE: And for an entire day, as you slept, no one noticed you? PACER: Oh, I'm sure people noticed me. But people are sheep. They don't want to get involved. People suck. CARNE: Yeah, they're pretty bad. So anyway, why have you been keeping this a secret from me? PACER: Um... I know this is gonna sound lame, but I didn't really remember the whole thing at first. And I wanted to have the full story before I told you. That's it, man. CARNE: Look at those birds over there. And the sub-sandwich wrapper. And the weeds. It all means something. I tellya, it all means something. -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----