|| -------- -- -----  A E R I E   O B L I V I A N A . singular book of text wandertainment by Frank Edward Nora ------------------- ----------- OSOAWEEK--ISSUE 002--8/4/94 <-------  ||  OsoaWeek  ||  Issues  ||  Book 1  ||  -------> (Cup OWis002, Created v1 (4/27/99), Copyright 1999) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = [[BEGIN002OW]] [[01002MH]] OsoaWeek002, August 4, 1994 Published by Obliviana Super Occult Amusement. Contact via e-mail at obliviana@aol.com, via voice at 1-800-OBLIVIANA, or via snailmail at 37 Gill Lane, Suite 119, Iselin, NJ 08830, USA. On America Online, contact via "Obliviana". Copyright 1994 by Frank Edward Nora. Permission is granted to make complete, verbatim electronic copies of this ezine for the purpose of free distribution. All other forms of reproduction are forbidden without express written permission from Frank Edward Nora. This file should contain approximately 67177 characters and 1667 lines. OsoaWeek originates in the United States of America. Statement of Purpose: OsoaWeek is the weekly ezine of Obliviana Super Occult Amusement (Osoa), an innovative and far-reaching game with an eye on the future. See the Appendix at the end of this file for a clear explanation of what Osoa is all about. And check out the Sneak Preview below (after Contents) for an overview of what's inside this issue! *OW* [[02002CN]] Contents of OsoaWeek002 BEGIN 01 002 MH--Masthead 02 002 CN--Contents 03 002 SP--Sneak Preview 04 002 LO--Lord of Obliviana Revelry 05 002 EM--Your E-Mail is Gonna Come 06 002 NH--Nihilistica 07 002 CO--Catalog of Obliviana * * * 08 002 SO--The State of Osoa 09 002 FW--Fonosta World * * * 10 002 HR--Hemisinister Review 11 002 HT--Halfevil Times 12 002 NJ--New Jersey 13 002 ZP--Zope 14 002 FE--Friction Enhancer 15 002 SU--Superior 16 002 SR--Severe Repair 17 002 AX--Appendix END Unless otherwise noted, all contents are by Frank Edward Nora. See Appendix for more information on the Contents, codes, and searching. *OW* [[03002SP]] Sneak Preview of OsoaWeek002 The Osoa train just keeps on rolling along! And while this issue, OsoaWeek002, isn't quite as stuffed-to-the-gills as the first issue was, it's full of excellent stuff to mildly amuse or shockingly amaze you! Check it out! Lord of Obliviana Revelry (04002LO) gets into a real heavy discussion about how the emerging Digital Superworld will destroy the spirit of humanity if we aren't careful. This, and other cheerful topics! Your E-Mail is Gonna Come (05002EM), and we're still hoping it will, but for now, the highly irritating and non-existent Benny is back with another stupid fake letter. Please folks, send that e-mail! If not, Benny may become a regular. Nihilistica (06002NH) presents its usual dizzying array of quips, quotes, lists, facts, info, and whatever else. This time, get your first glimpse of some new Artifacts in development, including "Zopekeep" and "Modern Sapling". Also, what do "Toe Crud Anesthesia", "God Non-Dairy Creamer Elation", and "Insulting Citrus" have in common? Check out Nihilistica for the answer! Catalog of Obliviana (07002CO) presents all the Obliviana Artifacts currently available, including the awesome "Pelter CD-ROM", the hypercool "Non-Thorium Antenna", and the very rare "OsoaWeek001 Hard Copy Version One"! Get 'em while they're still quivering from the rush of being created! The State of Osoa (08002SO) leads you into the convoluted labyrinths of Obliviana and introduces you to the idea of Corridor--the stream of events which holds you back from being as free as you wanna be! Break loose with The State of Osoa! Fonosta World (09002FW) brings you the very first Fonosta to be registered--Frank's! Yes, while no one else has submitted a Fonosta establishment, at least our beloved Lord of Obliviana has. Get your Fonostas in, folks! You can still get a very hip single-digit number! Hemisinister Review (10002HR) includes a review of the new film "The Mask", and a critical look at the 11 teams of the long-forgotten World League of American Football. Halfevil Times (11002HT) presents classified ads as only Halfevil Times could. Looking for a job? Apply for a position as a Lobo Doper or Tea Nervewracker. Looking for a bargain? Great deals on Bright Lice, Hamburger Trees, and Mystery Bums can be found! See it to believe it. New Jersey (12002NJ) introduces you to one of the coolest places in our glorious Garden State--Displayworld! Get the lowdown on this stone museum, building supply showroom, defunct amusement park, boulder retailer, arboretum, and oh so much more! You'll be very pleased you did. Zope (13002ZP) shows his sensitive side in today's episode, entitled "Zope's Very Large Lawnmower". Not for the weak of heart. Friction Enhancer (14002FE) brings you the complex "Pebbleswitch", in which you must travel from town to town based on the title of a book, fiddling with pebbles all the while. Great for parties! Superior (15002SU) gives you eight more of the most elegantly lugubrious pieces of text which are not, by any stretch of the imagination, poetry. Got that? Severe Repair (16002SR) continues from last issue with "Map Shirt Goddess", the odd tale of how a banished god is overwhelmed by an alternate past which erases his true history! Meet some of the gods and goddesses of Agoopish, including Janine Engineen, El Flactor Floor, and Well Doctarca! Appendix (17002AX) gives you all the dull, repetitive information you need. Refer to it, by all means, if you get confused, or just feel the urge to know the answer to that persistent question, "What the hell is all this Obliviana crap?" NEXT WEEK: OsoaWeek003, August 11, 1994--more cool stuff, including a delving into the Flowers and Digs of Osoa! Be there! In fact, let's all be there! *OW* [[04002LO]] Lord of Obliviana Revelry Hi, this is Frank Edward Nora, your average, happy-go-lucky Lord of Obliviana, comin' at ya! Welcome to OsoaWeek002, follow-up to the massive, confusing, and jam-packed first issue. Some of you who've read OsoaWeek001 might be a tad puzzled. Well, Obliviana Super Occult Amusement isn't the sort of thing which you're gonna fully "get" by reading a few issues of OsoaWeek. Rather, it'll probably take a few months worth of OsoaWeek for you to absorb all of what we're information-overloading your way. Because, whatever else Osoa is, whether you eventually find it to be excellent or worthless, it IS certainly very complex. So please reserve your judgment! I've been doing some thinking. What will happen to you and everyone else as humanity eases into the Digital Superworld is a matter of great import. To consider the bloodshed, death, pain, toil, misery, crushed hopes, and torture all our ancestors went through to get us here is to comprehend the duty we now have. What comes after survival? Is it entertainment? Where once survival was our core concern, now it seems to be muddled. Are we prepared to face a world where computers and robots do most of the work of survival? Do we have the frontiers to contain our pioneer spirits, or are we creating the digital jail cells where we'll all spend the rest of our days, and where our descendants will also spend their days? Entertainment alone is not enough. In Obliviana, I am presenting both an entertainment AND a new frontier. This is what sets Obliviana apart from other forms of entertainment. The reason that now is the time for Obliviana is the same reason that the young people of today have no real route for rebellion. Non-conformity, individuality, and rebellion are now the STATUS QUO. No matter how weird a young person dresses, the meaning is less and less. We have walked the path, as a people, to this point. As we approach the end of this, the second millennium, we are reaching the end of the road, the road of a societal evolution bound by the walls of survival. We really must change, for the tidal wave that is the Digital Superworld will not be stopped, short of full-scale global thermonuclear war. And as all this electronica washes over us, nothing will ever be the same again, no matter how dearly we might want things to remain stable. So stick with Obliviana--while it may seem laughable now, it might be just what you need in the years to come. *OW* [[05002EM]] Your E-Mail is Gonna Come Dear Lord of Obliviana, Hi, this is Benny again. I'm sorry you didn't get any e-mail yet, but what the heck, it's hasn't even been a week! By the way, your cloning idea worked--sort of. I didn't get the people you mentioned--instead, I got Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley. Michael's clone grew without the plastic surgery, of course, and he looks like a pretty normal person now. Lisa Marie is a dear, and we all get along famously. Thanks for your suggestion! Here's hoping I don't have to write another letter. Your Pal, Benny * * * Dear Benny, Okay you non-existent idiot, don't rub it in. I'm sure I'll get e-mail before the NEXT issue. By the way, ask Michael and Lisa if they plan on having any kids--tell them the more that remain non-existent, the better. Well, I have to be going, you know, and talking to a wall is a lot more interesting than responding to your pathetic letter. --Lord of Obliviana *OW* [[06002NH]] Nihilistica ***OBLIVIANA ARTIFACT WATCH*** Total Number of Artifacts: 4 Total Number of Imprints/Copies: 116 Total Number Still Available for Purchase: 102 ***ARTIFACTS IN DEVELOPMENT*** ZOPEKEEP Get ready for the raddest collection of Zope comics ever attempted! While the format is still under consideration, this product will feature just about every Zope comic strip ever published, with some new material and never-before-seen early stuff. If you like Zope you'll love Zopekeep, and if you've never experienced Zope, you're in for a real pleasant surprise! ANYTHING BUT MONDAY SPECIMEN HARVEST: HYPER EDITION Anything But Monday was a nationally-distributed humor magazine which croaked an early demise. But you'll have your chance to experience ABM all over again with Specimen Harvest, and a lucky few will be able to get the Hyper Edition, featuring original copies of ultra rare early publications, hand-written rough drafts of features, and a lot more surprises! Look for it. MODERN SAPLING These are cool little fake potted plants which can brighten any surrounding and also cause a great deal of concern. Coming in a variety of models, get a Modern Sapling for every room, vehicle, and secret place in your life! ***THE ANCESTORS OF OSOA*** OBLIVIANA SUPER OCCULT AMUSEMENT, Frank Edward Nora's amazing new company, had many predecessors. A structure of broken wood in Frank's boyhood home was base to THE GALAXY CLUB. When he got a Super 8mm movie camera and started doing animation and stuff, he formed GALAXY PRODUCTIONS. Later, he started publishing minicomics under the banner HALFEVIL GRAPHICS. Soon a college radio show turned into a lot more with ANYTHING BUT MONDAY PRODUCTIONS. A grand scheme slowly emerged called NOMADI ENTERTAINMENT. But as things began to fall apart, NOMADI UBIQUITY was born, to be followed by the reincarnation of HALFEVIL GRAPHICS. More recently, OBLIVIANA SOFTWARE came into being, to be refined into OBLIVIANA CODINGSEED, and finally to OBLIVIANA SUPER OCCULT AMUSEMENT. So Osoa, which is brand spanking new, has a history over a decade long! ***THE CLASSIC "INSIDES" OF ANYTHING BUT MONDAY*** by Frank Edward Nora and Mike Massotto --Civil War Cuisine --Keith Partridge Love Potion Formula --You Can Be Made of China --Undulating Female Glands --Tube Wars: Eustachian vs. Fallopian --Toe Crud Anesthesia --The Incredible Anchovy Man --Weak Sentence of the Week --Coffee-Like Emotions --Pornography for the Blind --A Killion Dollars --Hazardous Twang Repairs --Celebrity Tracheas --Meditate with Maple --Why Not Kill Some Pompous Foreigners? --Slashing Your Adenoids and Other Follies --Let's Beat on Clowns --Copulation with Troy --Damaged Glass Artifacts --Niceness Illustrated --Seven Mishaps for You! --Heinous Circumcisions --God Non-Dairy Creamer Elation --Ken, the Kohlrabi Killer --Women, Mice, and Other Swallowables --White Liquid Chaos --Virginity Illustrated --Electronutrition Guide --Beige Semen --Attune Your Body to Butane and Burlap --Dial-A-Reptile --The Popcorn of Sacrifice --The Man of Pavement --Whore Hormones --Be Impossibly Far North --Sexy Moonies --The Lingerie Vampires --Threateningly Obtuse Scalene Rhombuses --Papier-Mache the Blatant Way --Careening Into the Insect from Saturn --Insulting Citrus --Tasteless Nursery School Bloodbath Footage --President Bush's Fairy Consort --Enhancing Your Psychic Toolbox *OW* [[07002CO]] Catalog of Obliviana With more and more of your life switching over to digital, isn't it nice to be able to obtain something unique to the physical world? That's what Obliviana Artifacts are all about! Each one is signed, numbered, stamped, and very limited! So for the best in non-digital thrills, order often from the mighty Catalog of Obliviana! You can always call 1-800-OBLIVIANA to check out how many of a given Artifact are left, and also reserve an item. Your Artifact will be held for 5 business days, awaiting your order. I keep two of everything, so the initial amount available is at least two less than the total. To order, send check or money order made out to Frank Edward Nora, or cash (at your own risk), to the address in the Masthead. All prices include postage and handling. Guarantee: Return any Artifact within 30 days of receiving it for a full refund. MINIATURE SUPER OBJECT 1: NON-THORIUM ANTENNA This is a strange little Super Object I developed some time ago as an incentive item to get you to order one of my former magazines. I got no orders, though. Now, there are 40 Non-Thorium Antennas, complete with tiny plastic container and title card. 37 left. OA001. Only $3 each! PERFECT FOVY Fovy was a publication I released fortnightly for five issues last Autumn. Each issue is on one folded-up 11 x 17 sheet of paper, with an awesome 8-Codingseed poster on one side and cool stuff on the other, including two Zope comics per issue! A wonderful collection, bound with a paper band, and only 26 made. 24 left. OA002. Yours for $5! PELTER CD-ROM This is an actual CD-ROM I had pressed over a year ago, and it contains 256 of the coolest clip textures you ever saw! Being for the Macintosh, each image is a 512 pixel by 512 pixel 32-bit color image. As well, each image comes in 6 varieties! These are 32-bit, 8-bit, grayscale, tiled 32-bit, tiled 8-bit, and tiled grayscale. This product never saw commercial release because, (a) I blew all my money just producing it, and (b) I'm too lazy and wary to have anyone else produce it. So! A great bargain, with only 40 copies available. Includes the original color-photocopied cover, and a brand new insert with updated information. Requires Macintosh computer with CD-ROM drive. 38 left. OA003. Only $30 each! OSOAWEEK001 HARD COPY VERSION ONE The entire text of OsoaWeek001 output on four legal-size sheets of paper. Only ten copies were made, and it will have some different design elements in the next imprint. The "OsoaWeek" logo is different from the official one. There are only three left, so call before ordering! OA004 (note: this code is not printed on the Artifact itself). $2 each. Ultra rare! *OW* [[08002SO]] The State of Osoa Hey there everybody! Obliviana Super Occult Amusement is slowly starting to lumber forward, but it's still really early in the morning of Osoa. But because Osoa's so young, it gives YOU a great opportunity to get in on the ground floor, so to speak, and have a head start on everyone else in the game! If you've read OsoaWeek001, you're probably more than a little disoriented. As you may know, the central play mechanic in Obliviana is your Fonosta--which is basically your Osoan identity. Now, I finally did my own Fonosta, and I discovered that it's a somewhat cumbersome task. But it can be done in a few intense minutes. One of the problems I saw was the dizzying array of choices. Well, just about every element in your Fonosta can be changed in the future. For establishment, I recommend just choosing the elements which strike your fancy--and don't worry, there aren't any traps or pitfalls--any choice you make is okay. That is, it's not a puzzle. Another thing I noticed while establishing my own Fonosta is that it screams out to be automated in a piece of software. And indeed, I am considering some sort of automated Fonosta establishment software, even if it has to be something horrible like a HyperCard stack to start with. Eventually, I hope to develop a full-color, interactive application which will make Fonosta Establishment a snap. This could be a ways off, though, so get goin' on your Fonosta the old-fashioned way! Now, I have mentioned that Osoa deals with a new frontier--not just an imaginary one, but a real one. This frontier is known as Obliviana, and it is an area ripe for exploration. So I want to give you all a clearer idea of what Obliviana is all about, and why you'd want to explore it. Okay. Imagine the world we live in, ie, the surface of the Earth. Landwise, around 58 million square miles. And with a world population somewhere in the vicinity of 5.5 billion, that means you could spread humanity out over the globe with approximately 100 persons per square mile. But you could fit 100 people in your living room! And of course, people aren't evenly distributed--most people are in concentrated urban areas. Okay--so imagine the surface of the Earth being dark. Now imagine that everything you are currently looking at is lit up. Now imagine that everything ALL people are looking at any given moment is lit up. Okay, now imagine the surface of the Earth with this bizarre, ever-shifting lighting. To my mind, this scene is one of little flickers of light all over an otherwise dark world. So, in other words, at any given moment, only a tiny portion of this world is being looked at by human beings. And anything which could somehow remain in the dark areas at all times would never be seen by human eyes. So this is part of what Obliviana is about--the enormous, shifting area which is EVER unseen by human eyes! A creature who could remain in this dark area would effectively NOT EXIST. But reason would demand that any creature, no matter how secretive, would eventually be seen by a person, would eventually stumble into the light. Right? It would seem reasonable, but there's one little thing which can destroy such reason--CORRIDOR! Observe yourself. As you move through the day, you aren't at every moment choosing from the set of all possible actions, rather, you are making subtle choices from a very small list. But, at every moment, you do supposedly have the choice of millions upon millions of physical actions. That is, you could, at any given moment, move any of your muscles any way you like. But it doesn't happen that way. Consider also four hours into the future. Think of all the places you could conceivably get to in those four hours. The set of all possible locations and situations you could be in after 240 minutes is mind-boggling. But in reality, there aren't so many possibilities--in fact, there are probably only two or three. Why is this? Why is our freedom so stunted? The reason is Corridor. Now, Corridor can be explained at one level as the subconscious mind filtering out the vast number of choices and actions necessary to implement those actions, so as to keep the conscious mind from being overwhelmed. For example, if you're watching TV and want to change the channel, you might think grabbing the remote and pressing a few buttons is about as simple as it gets. But in actuality, your brain has to determine where the remote is, and figure out exactly which muscles to move and in exactly what sequence they will move, and exactly what force will be applied at each movement. But to you, it just HAPPENS. You just DO IT. If you had to consciously consider all the movements, angles, forces, and the like, doing anything would be mind-bogglingly annoying. But also, inherent in this system of filtration is a loss of freedom, for there are vast numbers of possible things to do closed off to you. Another example of Corridor in action occurs when you are lying down in bed, and need to get up, but don't feel like it. I have often experienced this, and when I put my mind to it, I found I could order muscles to move and get me out of bed, but far more often the following occurs: You want to rise from bed, but don't and you just lie there, and your mind wanders onto other topics, and then suddenly, after a little while, you find yourself getting up. What's this all about? And we've all been involved in the age-old "whatta you wanna do?", "I dunno, whatta you wanna do?", "I don't know..." How is it, with so much potential freedom, we are all so limited in what we can do, even in our leisure time? Well, it's all Corridor. I see Corridor not as an effect of the subconscious mind, but rather, as an integral part of nature. That is, Corridor is part and parcel of the structure of reality. And THIS is why a creature could stay within the dark areas--because the whole thing is a system of nature, like day and night, the seasons, the weather, all that jazz. BUT--and this is a big but--Corridor is not absolute, and with enough effort of the proper sort, one can travel away from Corridor, and that's when things really start getting weird. Back in 1986, I had my first experience in Morc (that's Motion Relative to Corridor). And since then, I have done a great deal of research and exploration into this field, and the my basic conclusion is this--create Morc, and weird things will start to happen TO YOU, things your subconscious mind could not have caused to happen. So, what's the point of all this? Well, Corridor is one aspect of Obliviana, and a fascinating aspect at that. Currently, the Friction Enhancer feature, which showcased "Mallball" last issue and "Pebbleswitch" this issue, offers specific means of generating Morc. These first two FE's are rather involved, but in the future I'll present much easier FE's. The weird stuff that happens to you when you generate Morc has been, in my experience, changes of a Situational sort. That is, you find yourself in strange situations, and even more importantly, your palette of actions, described above as pretty spare in Corridor, is greatly expanded. Well, that's about it for The State of Osoa this time around. I'll start to get into the specifics of the Flowers and Digs next week. For now, get ready for the first Fonosta! *OW* [[09002FW]] Fonosta World ***NEW FONOSTAS*** FONOSTA 001: "Lost Fen" Date Entered: 8/1/94 Personal Information: Frank Edward Nora, Iselin, NJ, Male, Interests: Video games. Osoa Info: Flower 5, Digs 1, Bellum: Pain Jolo, Team Hound Dog, Tarb: 15, Totems: Thunderstorm & Pinball, Sentence: "Through grass-lined corridors of caramel steel, helmet of wood and carbonated milk.", Colors: Navy, Pink and trim: Black, Device: letter "N". *OW* [[10002HR]] Hemisinister Review ***MOVIES*** If you haven't already figured it out, Hemisinister Review rates things from best to worst. In some cases, as here, previous things reviewed are listed so as to put the things currently being reviewed in perspective. (Sirens, True Lies, The Lion King, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Surviving the Game) THE MASK Very funny, approaching tolerable use of computer graphics, and starring the great Jim Carrey, this film is unfortunately marred by a plot and pacing breakdown about 2/3 of the way through. Also, the "Clean Slate" dog, sans eyepatch, shows off his true talents here, including pissing. (Forrest Gump, Backbeat, The Crow, Baby's Day Out, Clean Slate, The Flintstones, Thumbelina) ***ODD LEAGUE TEAMS*** WORLD LEAGUE FOOTBALL Way back in the early 90's an attempt was made to introduce American Football to the rest of the world (or at least, Canada, England, Spain, and Germany). It lasted for two seasons and apparently failed miserably. There were eleven teams altogether, but only ten in each season (Skyhawks were replaced by Glory). So here's the lowdown on the teams. "Frankfurt Galaxy"--A cool swirling galaxy. "Ohio Glory"--Patriotism to the max with a red, white, and blue eagle kind of design. "New York/New Jersey Knights"--An interesting chess knight design. Wish it was just NJ. "Barcelona Dragons"--A nice dragon head. "Birmingham Fire"--Nice and simple, flames flowing back. "San Antonio Riders"--Something like a guy on a horse. "Sacramento Surge"--Just a stylized letter S, but a cool name. "Montreal Machine"--A big, blocky M, but a good name for a football team. "Orlando Thunder"--Uninspired storm cloud and lightning bolt design. "London Monarchs"--A crown. "Raleigh-Durham Skyhawks"--Some kind of bird. *OW* [[11002HT]] Halfevil Times HALFEVIL TIMES CLASSIFIEDS ***HELP WANTED*** LOBO DOPER Team player needed to drug all the Hispanic wolves lurking in the upper floors of major midtown skyscraper. Unable to kill as animal rights activists have declared the building their natural habitat. If interested, yell real load out your window and we'll hear you. GERBIL MUMMIER The demand for demonically-possessed, mummified gerbils has created a super high-growth market. Small Connecticut firm seeks doubly or trebly-damned losers who have nothing left to lose in life to perform the extremely hazardous rituals involved in our patented small rodent damnation ceremonies. If interested call Noodles the Death Android at 555-6161 ext. 60. Registered Democrats preferred. CONDOM CZAR Clinton Administration seeks individual to head the nationwide effort to distribute condoms in school. Applicant must be politically correct, i.e., having three or more characteristics from the following list: Gay, Lesbian, Female, Black, Hispanic, Homeless, Non-English-Speaking, Child Molester, Anti-American, Handicapped, HIV-Positive, Malodorous, Communist, Midget, or College Professor. In addition, only people with sh*t-for-brains will be considered. Call President Hillary Rodham Clinton for an exchange of positive conscious energy. And be prepared to lick her assh*le but good. TEA NERVEWRACKER Can you putter about making tea, drinking tea, talking about tea, asking questions about tea, comparing teas, and the like? If you're horribly annoying and obsessed with tea call Leonard Baines, Inc. today for an exciting job opportunity driving top corporate executives slowly insane. Contact Ben Wiesel at (808) 555-3159 to arrange a meeting with Mr. Baines himself. Supermodels need not apply. CLIPBOARD PRUDE Attractive yet cold woman sought to dress sexy, carry a clipboard around to look important, and bug the hell out of our damn union employees. Major league c*ck teasers preferred. Attractive salary and benefits package offered. Call Irma Fellows at the Staten Island office at (718) 555-2387 to arrange a meeting. Unequal opportunity employer. PARKWAY APPLER Miscreants needed to pelt passing motor vehicles with apples as part of a new State makework project to increase compliance with traffic regulations. Big chip on your shoulder a plus. Contact Garden State Parkway Appling Authority, 8 Jerk Rd., Trenton, NJ. Not affiliated with NJ Turnpike Flaming Cherries Jubilee Crossbow Bolts of Damnation Authority. ***FOR SALE*** BRIGHT LICE Colony of human-level intelligence lice for sale by owner. Great for parties, industrial espionage, dating, or serial killing. Willing to divide lot. $800,000 firm. Call Wanda the Third at 555-4675 for more information. Offered by prospectus only. PIKES PEAK Popular geographic landmark I stole five or six years ago and replaced with exact duplicate. Have split in two as bookends, but willing to fuse back together. Asking three souls or Dukes of Hazard lunchbox with intact bottle. Pray to Balder, Jr. during business hours for more info. HAMBURGER TREE Really works! Reject from 70's burger chain ad campaign. Blooms 4 times/yr., producing 80-120 delicious, steaming hot hamburgers and cheeseburgers, complete with your favorite toppings. Great for get-togethers or international diplomacy. $90 or BO. Contact Lorne in the Mirror Reality for more information. MYSTERY BUM A strange, disoriented homeless reject with no clue for sale by grate owner. Speaks in bizarre chirping noises and attracts hummingbirds the size of geese. Asking $35 or BO. May be useful for military research or fraternity hazings. Call radio personality Neal the Eel at WFUK for more info. *OW* [[12002NJ]] New Jersey DISPLAYWORLD Jamesburg (908) 521-2232 Words can hardly describe the awesome experience waiting for you at Displayworld. Even trying to describe what Displayworld IS is extremely difficult, but here goes. Displayworld is the home of a stone museum, arboretum, building supply showroom, defunct amusement park, and a lot more. The "showroom" is a wonderful 5 acre place with over 1000 different building materials built in, and the result includes covered walkways, bridges, fireplaces, sculptures, waterfalls, painting, a theater, and a lot more--all surrounding a manmade lake. Walking around this "showroom" is truly a transcendent experience. And among the coolest sights you'll see is a glimpse of a huge tower in the distance, in the shape of a clown, called "Cyclown". This was the centerpiece of "Greek's Playland", an amusement park for disabled youngsters, shut down by the county for lack of a permit. At its entrance, you'll see a fire engine, which in times past carried kids from Displayworld to the heart of Greek's Playland. Inside the main building is a gift shop with a number of cool stone-related items, and beyond this is the museum area. The highlight of this area is a fluorescent-type rock display, where a large diorama of rocks, looking plain in regular light, is a scintillating display of bright, unearthly colors when seen under special black lights. As if this weren't enough, there's the actual stone museum itself, a room containing thousands of rock samples from all over the world, and--are you sitting down?--FREE SODA AND COFFEE! Yes, there's a soda fountain with Coke and other sodas free for the drinking--complete with a hint of sulfur! Some other amazing sights here are Boulder Boulevard, where a myriad of boulders are kept in pens, complete with pricing information. Also, there are a number of boulders perched precariously atop metal poles, some 20 to 30 feet high! Now, with all this to offer, can you believe that admission to Displayworld is ABSOLUTELY FREE? I tell you, this place really blows me away. And it's opened every day of the week. And believe it or not, Displayworld isn't tucked away in some dark, strange corner of South Jersey, but rather, it's just a few minutes from New Brunswick! You owe it to yourself to check this place out. Call for directions, and when you're there, sign the petition to get Greek's Playland back open--I really wanna get a close-up look at that "Cyclown"! *OW* [[13002ZP]] Zope Today's Episode: ZOPE'S VERY LARGE LAWNMOWER ZOPE: "This is the life! Driving around in a giant lawnmower! Watching CNN on the tube! Drinking can after can of Japanese wonderdrink Pocari Sweat!" WEASEL: "Yeah Zope, it's really great, but I think--" ZOPE: "I mean, just look at that bank of fifteen Mappy arcade machines over there. Whenever I feel like playing Mappy, I can play it! It's great!" WEASEL: "I like Mappy too Zope, but you should really--" ZOPE: "And the cool artificial waterfall and river--I always said, if I was gonna get a lawnmower, I'd get the very best!" WEASEL: "Zope, you really have to take a look at where we're--" ZOPE: "And best of all, an entire Sharper Image store in the concourse down below. I love all that high-tech novelty crap they--" CRUNCHA CRUNCHA SHLORP! BANG SLAP WHIRP! CRUNCHA CRUNCHA CRUNCHA GLUNK! SLICE REND YOW YOW! CRUNCHA CRUNCHA CRUNCHA! ZOPE: "What the hell was that?" WEASEL: "That's what I've been trying to tell you Zope! We were heading right for the nursery school, where the kids were out playing in the playground! We creamed 'em!" ZOPE: "Well why didn't you tell me, Weasel? Must I do everything around here?" WEASEL: "I tried Zope, but you just kept musing about how great this darn lawnmower is." ZOPE: "You know Weasel, I don't know if I'll ever forgive you for this--if you had let me know, I could have turned the camcorder on! You know what that sort of footage is worth?" WEASEL: "Sigh." *OW* [[14002FE]] Friction Enhancer FRICTION ENHANCER #2: Pebbleswitch First you need to buy a book--any book will do--new or used (but don't use one you already have). Then take out a map and look at the title of the book. For each letter in the title of the book, you need to find a town which starts with the same letter. You need a different town for every letter, even if the same letter repeats. Now, go to the town starting with the same letter as the first letter of the title of the book. Find a pebble or little stone, pick it up, and note its location. Then, take the stone and scratch the cover of the book with it, enough so that the scratch is noticeable. Then go to the second town (starting with the same letter as the second letter in the title) and find another pebble. Pick up this second pebble, scratch the cover, and put the pebble from the first town in the exact spot the second pebble was. Now go to the third town, get the third pebble, scratch the cover, and put the second pebble where the third one was. Continue this process until you get to the last town. Switch the pebbles as usual, scratch the cover, but then take the last pebble back to the first town and put it right where you found the first pebble. And voila! Another book for your Pebbleswitch library! Pebbleswitching a book like Stephen King's "It" is easy, but try something like "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask" for a real challenge. Build a collection of prestigious Pebbleswitched books to impress your friends and family--and fellow Osoans as well! *OW* [[15002SU]] Superior SUPERIOR 9 Through grass-lined corridors of caramel steel, helmet of wood and carbonated milk. A sharp loud noise in the bookstore, mind blurring, my internal organs are now liquid. Melting into the arms of girl night, licking her tits. In pungent brightness she walked. I was crazy on coffee and ate candy. So many choices in mine mad matter, so simple and clear. Watching a television in a hotel room, drinking a can of soda in a hotel room. The air is chill. The lights are cool. SUPERIOR 10 Born, met with traces, gone, full of space. Cold ceramic oracle, tickle my lowers, shower my cowls. Hail to the many ways and days of the typesetter. And the fortune of our effort is the wheel we always hear, humming in the dark vapor of the basement, a cold testimony to the electric jello that is our life. And for all the majesty of mind, for where the oldest tree clings to dust, we are now, and forever never, to abandon the flavor, and indeed savor, the water we drink. SUPERIOR 11 A college hallway from before? Before me? Where exactly is this today, anyway? Wheel, see ya later. Be in delusion my friend, forget the best in everything. Time has come to do some speaking. No evening out in the end. Landscapes like to annoy you. Many folks who're too similar are gathering around me. Pretend to be yourself, smell a pine tree, eat some M&M's. Gloop mergers in Cleveland's occult shops. A formula be iffy at best. I need her doorwayish way. SUPERIOR 12 Might it not have been the depravity of some other sentienthood? But then, why would I preprogram avoidance of delving into the darkerside of humanity, else that the prior form and humanity are comparable in terms of the overt structure of their corruption? Power and understanding. These are diamonds, diamonds. I wield them both comfortably, as a modern crossbowman in a winter wood. With limitation, I am perpetually compelled to erase unknowing. But the matter is esoteric and not of this road. SUPERIOR 13 The coffee of your dreams is a medicated version of tan venom flavored highway gook. Try some sopping dry heavy popcorn in that damn chest of drawers. Breathe in vacuum lumber. The forecast is for rain, early at times. Suck the ammonia vent, my love. Forest crap frash delect mixim colder pennant cacophony whillip. Crows are fringe beasts of roadside perception--highway mystery birds--come and swallow this moth smear off my poor windshield, fine jackdaw! Please become very disenchanted with that cruller. SUPERIOR 14 SIZZLE--for formulas are dead, and science is stripped, and reality is mad as a flower. Corrupt as my ancestor sailed, he played childish games, equal to motion to pinball the secret. Shallow bread dunk in murky stagnant brack, the tired arithmetic splattered on hallway walls, super logic durable. SUPERIOR 15 Can the night and face and body in recently rain lawn dark and up, figure weird sign weird road, around the walkway to the corner to the wavy attack of field of doorway shimmer. This, the dream behind the dream, the real dream scarcely we ever see. SUPERIOR 16 Bad banjo noise in cop car 5. None of your malarkey, Joe. Sinning regularly at gasoline-havens, wimping out at the slightest-boom. 135 unwed sweeties for smoochy. Catch a falling tar monger, Ted. Being a feather, I have no opinion. Being a diner owner, I cry always, in the rain, in the thunder nights, and lightning Dave went home too late--it wasn't there. *OW* [[16002SR]] Severe Repair SEVERE REPAIR 2: "Map Shirt Goddess" Tanner Loblolly considered the stark and depressing ending of the song "Defy the Lord", by his new favorite band, Melter Pluto. It was a torrential downpour outside, and Tanner had just come in, drenched. He had been down at Connects Hall playing the new confounder, Expatriate. Now he was here in his small Spoin Hall dorm room at Thatterine College, listening to the minitempest outside. His roommate, Doug Brine, had gone home for the weekend. A very calm and lonely feeling permeated the room. Until a month earlier, Tanner had been Payjaych, a pantheonic god. He was exiled to Earth as a human college student, for his "unpopular" political views. He'd been the god of Cats and Attributes Feline--such as stealth, mystery, aloofness, etc. But more recently he had ridiculed the greater gods, who were evermore assimilating aspects of lower gods, by declaring himself Payjaych, God of Neckties and Vinegar. This was in response to a goddess stealing his attribute of The Playful Hunt. His declaration in effect said "Here, have the rest of my attributes! Hopefully I'll be safe from theft now, with Neckties and Vinegar as my attributes!" And it openly berated the greater gods, who normally enjoyed a constant shower of false praise. They were usually above criticism, because they kept a healthy paranoia afoot. Payjaych didn't know why, but he felt pretty immune from the other gods. But finally, they had managed to put him out of commission and into college, which was where he now was. It was a sinister trap. Engaging and refreshing college life, with its mysteries, hedonism, youth, relaxation, hope--it sapped his will to escape. And being a student was somehow reminiscent of something from deep in his past--something he could not identify. But the feeling of deep memory, though abstract, was pleasing. So, listening to this Melter Pluto album and hearing the splatt'rin' rain outside, a peculiar memory came to Tanner. Now, this was not something from the deep past--but from only a few years earlier. It was a normal memory, just like any other memory, only that the events in this memory never happened. Just then, in the song playing, were the lyrics "the memory of the dream drains away, and the loss is vague, and I want you to stay away". Tanner looked at the clock and felt a little weird. Something about memory. A deep ancient memory, an incongruous recent memory, lyrics on memory. Tanner was worried. So the odd memory came to him. It was... where the gods and goddesses lived, the Supbam Hotel, located in the city of Agoopish. But it was all wrong. These gods weren't gods like Payjaych and his kin. These gods were unfamiliar. But it was in the lobby, near the entrance and the elevators, where two old guys worked. The one guy was named Drake, and was short and thin, a huge shock of white hair on his head, and a hotel guy uniform on, making him look like a military leader. He was talking on the phone, and appeared to be concerned with something happening outside. The other guy, Cudworth, was taller, rotund, balding, and had a pleasant personality--but always seemed a little confused. He was reading from a book on his desk, and wore a uniform similar to the one Drake had on. Both had a desk with a light and a bulletin board. As the two sat at their desks, the god Well Doctarca walked by and went into the elevator bay. Well was a god of Darkness and Intrigue, working as a politician these days. His black and gray and red attire looked like a combination between a business suit and armor. His hair was long, straight, and black, and he had a neatly trimmed beard and mustache. His face was broad and he looked wise, but also practical and rage-prone. Soon an elevator door opened and he entered, going up. The lobby was not palatial, but was pretty big. It had a nice marble floor, and the whole place was currently lit by the mid-afternoon sun, streaming in from the tall windows that looked out onto the street. Then, Tanner came into the lobby through the front doors and walked up to Cudworth. Tanner had just gotten to Agoopish a few hours earlier, and was frazzled, excited, and deluded--since he was a mortal and never before believed that a place such as Agoopish could exist--let alone that he might travel to such a location. Back at college, as Tanner continued to recall these events, he regarded the memory of what he had looked like back then. Nineteen years old, tall, dark brown hair a mess going everywhere down to his shoulders, a thick untrimmed beard, no mustache. He wore a pair of brown rugged pants, a gray sweater, and a light jacket, black in color, with the words GULLIA FAIR VERODARE on the back in big yellow letters. A younger version of a just-created person. Strange. As far as the current Tanner knew, the Tanner Loblolly persona had been created from scratch by the gods who banished him--and did not exist before a month ago. He continued to recall, wondering if that goddess who stole his Playful Hunt, Eachdield, was behind this false memory game. "Um, uh, excuse me. I'm looking for a girl, a goddess. She has red hair and a shirt with a map on it, but, uh, I can't remember her name." Tanner said, approaching Cudworth. "I regard the red-haired goddesses of days gone by." Cudworth said, waving his arms in dramatic gestures and meandering on the lobby floor. "Their lusty essence does simmer the populace. And I all alone, in fantasy met them, and did things with them. They burned in that time! The town ignited, stoic streets exploding. The redhead goddesses, the most incredible deities of all... those blaring girls..." "Uh, well--do you know the one I'm referring to?" Tanner said, confused. "The redhead goddess of today? What the hell is her name? Is her name on that list you have on the wall?" "Well, young man, there are a few red-haired goddesses here these days." Cudworth said, walking over to his spot and looking at a list of names on his bulletin board. "Heh, I was just quoting from a popular poem before, from several decades ago, you know. I'm prone to quote. But... now I'm not sure which one you're referring to. Also, I'm not sure why you want to know. Hmm?" "Well, it's this way. I met her in a movie theater down that way," Tanner said, pointing toward a hallway, "and she made a date with me to go to this dance thing tonight, and now there's this big banner on the wall outside saying, basically, that she thinks I'm a little twerp and she doesn't know what got into her, and that she's going with someone else. Can you believe that? I wanna take it down. And, and she didn't even sign her name." "Then how do you know she wrote it?." "Well, it had my name on it, and it said to forget about going to the dance tonight. So I'm assuming it's her." "That's a cute little joke. Boy, that Janine is sure a silly little girl, ain't she?" Cudworth said, chortling a little. "Janine! Yeah, that's it. Janine. She's the one." Tanner said, scrunching up his face in thought. "Hmmm. Do you know where she is?" "No, but--" "--wait a second--is that thing real--where if you have a legitimate gripe with a deity, and you call their name, they have to come before you and answer your charge?" Cudworth rolled his eyes and sighed. "I suppose that would work. I'm not sure. Traditions like that aren't really very important around here. Most people probably wouldn't want to summon a god before them, for whatever reason. I mean--why cause yourself trouble?" "Well all I know is I was looking forward to this dance--and she led me on. So I think I ought to call her here right now." "Do as you please, kid. But, uh, if you're gonna summon her, go over to the elevator bay to do it, hey? I don't want a ruckus out here in the lobby if I can help it." "Okay, fine." Tanner said, turning toward the elevators. Cudworth regarded Tanner for a second. "Er, wait a second son--what exactly's going on here? Are you new to Agoopish?" Tanner stopped and turned back. "Yeah, I suppose so. So what?" "Well, before you get Janine's ire up, why don't you tell me what led up to this trouble. I can advise you of the best thing to do. Hmm? What do you say? I always try and be helpful." "Well alright. You see... uh, about three or four hours ago, me and my two friends--I think they're around here somewhere--Minion Van Hall and Martin Fovea--we were..." In his room, Tanner shook himself and thought, "what is this memory?" Minion Van Hall and Martin Forever were members of Melter Pluto (Martin had taken a stage name). Minion was the lead singer, and Martin was the flautist/keyboardist/violinist. The others were Dan St. Bloodbrother on drums, Hazy Nopperty on guitar, and Nim Bunique on Bass. He started to remember knowing all of them. At first Tanner thought he was having a fantasy of some sort, as anyone might have, of being cool and hanging out with rock stars and visiting godly cities. But he WAS a god! No--this was a real memory--and he recalled that the two were not rock stars back then, two years ago. He was wondering where this memory had come from, considering that as far as he could remember, two years earlier he was Payjaych, and not Tanner Loblolly. He recalled that around that time as Payjaych he was concerned with designing a very complex board game called Derelict. But--this memory of Agoopish was as real as any other. He paused and considered--and suspected--that an alternate past was growing from his current present state--that a past was sprouting forth like a seedling, taking root and moving upward and outward. He immediately realized the danger in this phenomenon--and though he knew not the exact cause, he knew that this alternate past might soon bulge to obfuscate his real past--and that he must stem the tide so as to retain his identity as Payjaych, Lord of Neckties and Vinegar. He applied his will toward concreting his real past, and then, assured that it was safe, he continued to remember the events of the alternate past, specifically the events he had been relating to Cudworth, straining at points to recall... ...it was in the same Area Thatterine College was in, Gullia Fair, in the Confederen Areas of Baskonontana. It was him and the two members of Melter Pluto, standing at a service station in the light rain, in a heavy industrialo area. Minion Van Hall was wearing a black Murder Pkotocks T-shirt (Murder Pkotocks being a legendary slaughterist and marauder of several centuries earlier), and vertically-striped green and brown trousers. He had long, dark blond hair, and a bemused expression on his face. Martin was wearing an off-white short-sleeve button-up shirt and dark gray pants. He was of average height, but very thin, even slight. His hair was light brown and short. Tanner was wearing the same stuff he would have on later at the hotel. Apparently, they were waiting for Lee Frockweary, who was fixing Minion's car. They had been dropped off at the service station by Martin's mother, and they were depending on Lee showing up with the keys to Minion's car, so they could drive home. But time was dragging on and all three began to fear they might be stranded out there. "This really sucks! Where the hell is that frickin Frockweary? I'm a f*ckin' kill'im!" Minion said, pacing. "Well ya better hope he shows up--I'm not gonna freeze out here on account of your stupid car." Martin said, looking cold, his hands shoved into his pants pockets. "My car is the coolest--don't you f*ckin' berate my car, pal." Minion said smiling. "Looks like more rain's comin'." Tanner observed. "Yeah, and we're standing out here getting wet. Can't we try and see if the doors to the garage are open?" Martin said, bending down on his knees and looking under the garage doors. "I told ya--even if they are, Lee'd be f*ckin' pissed to find us hanging around in the garage--and you know that prick'd tell his dad." Minion said. "Well I'm not gonna stand around here and get wet." Martin said. "Oh no? What're you gonna do, then?" Minion said, grabbing a rusty old chair and swinging it around in front of him. "I'll think of something." Martin muttered. "Yeah, sure." Minion muttered back, sitting astride the chair. The three waited in silence as a tractor trailer passed by noisily. Tanner was looking around the area and breathing in the cold, now diesel-scented air, which was surprisingly refreshing. Then he saw it. "Hey look--there's that electrical substation over there." Tanner said, pointing. "You remember what Clezakrehahd told us about it last month?" "Hah! Oh yeah." Martin said with a chuckle. "What?" Minion asked lazily. "You don't wanna know--it's major bullsh*t, eh." Martin said. "I don't know..." Tanner said leadingly. "Oh come on Loblolly--don't tell me you actually believed any of Clack's story!" Martin said. "Hey look Martin--Clack was just retelling a story someone else had told him." Tanner said. "You don't... you don't think Clack has half enough imagination to come up with a story as bizarre as that? Do you?" "Well, maybe he got it from a major bullsh*tter with a great imagination." Martin said. "Goddammit what is this story?" Minion said, propelling his chair forward in little bursts while still sitting on it. "Minion, believe me, you don't wanna know." Martin said. "Yes I god-frickin do!" "It's pretty amazing--but I might believe it." Tanner said, somewhat brightly. "You see those train tracks going into the plant? Like, y'know, where the f*ck are they going? I mean, there's no trains there, I don't think. I never saw any there. But--" "--probably it was, y'know, there were trains a long time ago, but they shut it down or something." Minion said. "Yeah well, whatever." Tanner said. "So anyway, Clack said these friends of his friend crawled along the rails 'cause one of them had a dream about it, about crawling along the rails, and he said they wound up in like, another universe or something, in a weird city or something." "Yeah, then what?" "Well, he said this friend of his saw some weird sh*t they brought back, and when they were drunk, he got them to describe where they had went--this unearthly city." "Oh Man! Great true story, coming from a drunken bastard!" "But this stuff..." "F*ck the stuff!" "He said the stuff was not of this world." "Who said?" "Clack's friend." "Clack's fulla sh*t!" "I don't know..." "Well let's go then!" "Fine by me." Tanner said, eager. "Hey! Here comes Lee!" Martin said, walking forward toward the street. "No that's not him." Tanner said as a little orange car passed them. "F*ck! ... now Tanner, this story--it simply isn't logical. Train tracks do not lead into another universe. See?" Minion said. "I don't know..." Back in the present, Tanner got up from his bed, walked across the room, and turned his hotpot on, so that he could make some tea. The rainstorm outside was still going pretty good. He looked in the mirror above his dresser and wondered how to deal with this alternate past. He realized that unless he did something soon, he might get overwhelmed by the other past, in effect erasing his real past. Or another thing could happen--he could have two presents coexisting--one for each version of the past--which would be an alarming phenomenon. The memories of the events which transpired in the intervening two years in the alternate past were very fuzzy. The only concrete recollection he could focus on was that day, about two years earlier, when he discovered Agoopish. The Melter Pluto album he'd been listening to, "Totally Killed", ended. He put it back to the beginning and started it again. Then he flopped onto his bed and continued to concentrate. He remembered that he and Minion and Martin kept waiting for Lee Frockweary, but then gave up and called Tanner's dad for a ride home. Tanner's dad couldn't get there for an hour, however, so they decided to try to crawl along the rails into the electrical substation, just to prove that Clezakrehahd was full of sh*t. So they walked over and started to walk along the rails, not seeing the point in crawling. But soon they got to a point where the rails went under a fence and they were forced to crawl to get through. For a few hundred feet they were crawling beneath the structure of the substation. Then, all at once, they came to a point where there was a huge chasm underneath the rails--something which didn't seem possible for the geography of the area they were in. So they continued, carefully crawling across the rails, toward the other side of the chasm, which they could see in the distance. Needless to say, they were pretty shaken up, even panicked. But they crossed, slowly but surely. As they were crossing, Tanner's feet got stuck between the rails, and he had to slip out of his shoes and let them fall into the chasm. Finally, they got across, to the ledge next to the chasm, which was about twenty feet wide. The train tracks got all gnarled up and destroyed as they reached the wall at the end of the ledge. There was no sky to be seen, but even so, it was not wholly apparent that there wasn't a sky. That is, there was no ceiling or roof to be seen. It was like there was no angle from which you could get a good view of the sky. They walked along the ledge a little and got into what seemed to be a basement of some sort, with a cold concrete floor and lots of partitions, so they couldn't see very far ahead of themselves. Then finally they got to a raised floor, which they climbed up onto, just as if they were on subway tracks and climbing back onto the platform. A short stairway led out into another area which also seemed to be sort-of outside, with no sky apparent. They continued walking, and then got to what appeared to be a shopping mall. At this point, they began to realize they WERE in an alternate universe of some kind. Somehow, they were very calm about it. Most of the stores were closed, but there were a few people milling about. Tanner went into a few stores looking for shoes, and wound up buying a sh*tty pair of moccasins at some weird messy little store. They accepted his Baskonontanan currency, much to his surprise. Then they got to a movie theater with extremely steep steps, and went inside. They walked up the stairs in the movie theater. There were lights on, and it seemed to be between movies. They came upon two girls, and got to talking to them. One was a gorgeous red-haired goddess named Janine Engineen, and the other a pretty brunette goddess named El Flactor Floor. El Flactor Floor was talking with Martin and Minion, but soon she said goodbye and left. Janine Engineen was talking to Tanner, and writing on the back of one of the seats with a blue ball-point pen. She asked Tanner if he wanted to go to a dance with her that night, and Tanner accepted gleefully. He had been very struck by Janine's beauty from the moment he saw her. She said they'd meet in the lobby of the Supbam Hotel that night at nine o'clock. She left, and Tanner read what she was writing on the seat, but he couldn't make head nor tail of it. So they left the theater, and continued walking through the mall. Back at college, Tanner rubbed his forehead and began to feel overwhelmed. Then he moved to recall what happened after he told Cudworth about how he had come to Agoopish. In the memory, Tanner walked away from Cudworth and into the elevator bay, saying "Janine" repeatedly just under his breath. After a few minutes, Janine disappeared in, hovering against the wall, the maps on her shirt animated and writhing. Tanner confronted her about the banner outside and asked why she jilted him. She looked behind him and said "Ask her." He turned around and saw the goddess Fluffy Netherf*ck, and found her even more attractive than Janine. Then Janine disappeared. Back in the dorm, Tanner felt drained of will. He didn't really feel like remembering this stuff. He had to cringe at how awed he was of Agoopish, considering that as Payjaych, he would have considered Agoopish a deific backwater slum, not worthy of much attention or respect. In any case, he felt like going to sleep, but then the phone rang, and he had a chill that if he answered it it would concrete this alternate past. But he decided to answer it anyway. "Hello?" "Hey Tan, what's up!" It was El Flactor Floor's voice on the phone. He felt his real past draining away quickly now. Payjaych, god of Neckties and Vinegar, something not very important, was a name receding, into the back of his mind. "Is this, uh, is this El Flactor Floor?" Tanner asked cautiously. Funny. For a second there, Tanner seemed to forget that El Flactor Floor was also a student at Thatterine College. "Of course it is, silly--what are you--drunk?" Tanner said nothing. He didn't want to say anything. "Are you there?" "Yes, I'm here." "What's wrong?" "Nothing. Nothing at all." "Gee, such a grouch! But seriously, are you coming to Agoop with me this afternoon?" "What?" "Whoops! You-know-who just walked in. I'll call you back in a minute." Tanner did not know who. He just unplugged the phone, shut off the lights and the stereo, and went to bed. Things weren't going well. He was terribly confused and he didn't even know why. He cherished the idea of going to sleep and finding this had all been a dream. But then the hotpot started to whistle and he knew he would have to get up and turn it off. But he didn't--he just stayed in bed, his head under the covers, hoping the water would boil away soon. *OW* [[17002AX]] Appendix Confused? Here's Everything You Need to Know! (This information is reprinted every issue in essentially the same form.) The ezine OsoaWeek is the central product of Obliviana Super Occult Amusement. Each weekly issue is prepared as a plain vanilla ASCII file not less than 50K and not exceeding 100K, with the goal of being readable on as many computers as possible. Mac users will likely get little boxes on the lefthand column--this is due to the "hard return" needed at the end of every line on DOS machines. You can live with them, or search and replace them away (but please don't distribute an altered copy of OW!). Meaning of codes: The first two-digit number is the sequential section number in this issue of OsoaWeek. The next three-digit number is the issue number of this OsoaWeek. The last element, a 2-character code, is shorthand for a given feature. To search: To find the beginning of the next section, search for the string containing two lefthand brackets with no spaces. To find a particular section, search for the string containing two lefthand brackets followed by the two-digit section number, with no spaces. To find a particular feature, search for the string containing the two-character code followed by two righthand brackets, with no spaces. Using the latter method, you can find a particular feature in any issue of OsoaWeek without even referring to the contents. The Contents are divided into three sections: (a) the introductory, informative, housekeeping sort of features, (b) stuff directly relating to the playing of Osoa, such as new Fonostas, events, info, etc., and (c) the general entertaining and informative section. These three areas are casual and separated for ease of use. To make it easy, in EVERY issue of OsoaWeek, the first section starts with Masthead (MH), the second with State of Obliviana (SO), and the third with Hemisinister Review (HR). 1-800-OBLIVIANA--This toll-free number can be called anytime from any phone in the Continental USA for the latest information on Obliviana, including samples of Obliviana sound bites! Acknowledgments: I would like to thank my girlfriend Kerri for putting up with me while I spend countless hours developing OsoaWeek--thanks Kerri, I love you! This Appendix is located at the end of the file because it contains boring, repetitive info you wouldn't want in your way. Obliviana Super Occult Amusement (Osoa) is an endeavor created by Frank Edward Nora, AKA, Lord of Obliviana. Osoa is fully independent and not affiliated with any other organization, belief, etc. Here's a detailed introduction to Osoa: You know there's something else going on in this world, but you can't quite pin it down. And you know there's something else going on with YOU. But it ever eludes you, and teases you, these glimpses of otherness. On the subject of explaining the world, people generally consider that science and religion form a complete scale. Science dealing with the measurable and observable, and religion dealing with the supernatural and mysterious. But really, science is limited to physical measurement and observation, and religion is limited to gods, supernatural beings, how the world was created, and what happens to us when we die. But if you consider it, there is a vast realm of human experience which does not fall into either category. It is this realm that I call Obliviana. Dreams, hunches, deja vu, luck, humor, creativity, emotions, intuition, events "working themselves out", psychic phenomenon, the atmospheres of certain places, memories from childhood, ruts, coincidence, "small world", and more. These are just the tip of the iceberg in Obliviana! Who knows what other exhilarating phenomena await our exploration? With the dawn of the Digital Superworld, that complex and ever-expanding interconnection of computers, networks, and the like, the realm of human endeavor is drastically changed. We have glimpsed a danger in the mesmerizing qualities of even the worst television. In the Digital Superworld, this effect is magnified by several orders of magnitude--so even the cheapest and most worthless online activities become irresistibly engaging and addictive. Imagine a population fully engaged in such tripe--jacked in, spending more and more time engrossed in such pointless, empty activities as computers and robots do more and more of the work. Not a pretty picture, is it? It is partially with the intent of preventing this nightmare that Obliviana Super Occult Amusement (Osoa) was established on July 28, 1994. Osoa is the first and greatest endeavor to provide the world with a viable, broad-based, universally-compelling endeavor to provide CONTEXT in the Digital Superworld. The exploration of Obliviana can be undertaken in a wild variety of ways. Check out the eleven Osoa Flowers (introduced in OsoaWeek001) for details. Osoa is an innovative and far-reaching game. Why a game? Well, aren't most explorations really games when you come right down to it? And, as a practical matter, some of the elements in Obliviana are too bizarre to be presented as anything OTHER than a game. So Obliviana as game can be looked at as shielding and candy-coating, but can also be viewed as cutting to the heart of the matter--hey, exploring the realm of Obliviana is not vital to our ongoing survival, but it is pretty darn entertaining and satisfying. It is with the game of Obliviana running on the ever-expanding Digital Superworld that we can abandon the mediocrity of the past and make something very new, wild, and now. *OW* [[END002OW]] -------> ------------------- ----------- -------- -- -----